BunkyBunk85 Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 So I've been seeing this girl for a few months, She was an ex from 10 years ago. It wasn't real serious but we grew close. She was abused by her ex who she has three kids with and was recently in a battered woman's shelter. I knew she was going thru a lot and wasn't ready for a serious relationship so i never pressured her to move things along just yet and took things slow affection wise. We got along great, really clicked but as soon as her ex broke up with his new girl, she became distant and i could tell she wanted to get back with him so being the good guy i am, i basically did all the dirty work for the both of us and now i regret it. Telling her i was happy if she was but i didn't like her going back with him because it just tells him it's ok, and its NOT ok. but i knew i could not compete with this scum if she still obviously hadn't completely moved on. She told me how great of a guy i was and didn't want to lose an awesome person in her life yada yada yada but i knew she always said she was controlled and trapped by her ex so it was done right there. It seems things aren't going as she may have planned as far as i can tell but what bothers me and what id like to know is I pretty much gave her an out and i feel like an idiot now. I was the good guy, pretty much did all the "Break up" talk. In a way it prevented her from hurting my feelings but now i feel like she should have done the work, not just me. I can't seem to get that out of my mind like i did her a favor and i shouldn't have. I also kind of feel like she thinks it would make her life easier being with him bc of things like taking care of the kids and what not. But he hit her, nothing easy bout that.I know im better off without all the drama in my life but i do care for her. We have talked briefly here and there past few weeks but it's mostly just talking about how our days were going. Does this girl think im a push over now because i did the brave thing, the nice thing..was it all in my head? Did she even really care for me or was I just a rebound? Even if i was, i still feel like a jack-ass for giving her an easy out. I am thinking of confronting her even though i know i shouldn't. Any advise would be very much appreciated.
loversquarrel Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Sounds like you were a rebound and she can't let go. Unfortunately for her history will repeat itself and things won't change. Your best option is to let it go, you did yourself a favor. She has way too much baggage, better to be with someone who doesn't.
hoping2heal Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Please, do not ever get involved with someone who's been in an abusive relationship until / unless they have gotten the help they need. Being in the abusive relationship causes trauma and mental illness. Which is why so many people scratch their head and can never understand it when they see a friend, a parent, a neighbor etc. return to an abusive and dysfunctional environment instead of one where they could be loved and respected. I'm not trying to say people who have been abused don't need love - if anyone ever needed it, it was them - but until they get help for their sickness they will be incapable of receiving it and they will be unstable in their relationships.
Author BunkyBunk85 Posted July 19, 2014 Author Posted July 19, 2014 Thank you both for your great advice! It's hard because i do care for her and she was an ex girlfriend so there's some history there but i also know it's not a healthy relationship for me or for her. I still feel a bit like a "nice guy finishes last" but i suppose ill find someone else with less baggage/issues and move on.
loversquarrel Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Don't feel that way. It's not that nice guys finish last, it's pushover's that do. Women want men who are strong and confident, neither of which equate to being a jerk.
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