Would you invest in a relationship where yr partner refused to pay for meals outside

July 18, 2014

I had a theory a while back that it didn't matter how much money the guy made because I make a decent salary myself. I recently learned why I'm not a fan of this anymore.

I dated a guy who was a student doing his masters and was completely broke all the time. Now this isn't the reason why we broke up, but the money thing got to me. We could never go anywhere because he couldn't afford it. If I did want to go out I'd have to pay. He didn't have a car and I do, so guess who did all the driving? It got really annoying and boring after a while. I mean, how many Saturday nights can you spend watching tv at home? I live in a city where there is a lot of stuff to do as well.

I don't think you are being shallow by questioning this guy. Just think of the things you might want in the future. Do you plan to invest in property or anything else major? Would he be on the same page?

I dated a guy who from the beginning was unemployed.

I wasn't aware it was 3 years unemployed admittedly.

He would get the train to see me as he didn't drive but I gave him cash towards his train fare.

I also paid more than my share of meals and days/nights out.

A few weeks in he was a little bit drunk and told me he never paid his train fares and always dodged them.

I'm afraid it got to me too.

July 18, 2014

I think this perspective on things would work well if there wasn't inherent inequality between cost of either partner's activities.... I think he has "lost" his taste for things which cost money because holding onto it is important. There's isn't a flow... nothing coming in and nothing much coming out. It's a stagnant lifestyle choice that is affecting me negatively.

It's affecting you negatively though.

If you were truely up for this and were a real match..well...it wouldn't matter.

Trust your instinct. It rarely lies.

(I posted that elsewhere tonight).

July 19, 2014

So you are unhappy because you feel you are paying more money than he is? Would you also complain about the inequality of your situation if it were he that was paying for the majority?

You're not compatible. You want a guy to take you out to dinner and he thinks it's a waste of money.

Not even...I'd like us to eat out together at least twice a month and I will pay for myself and he will pay for himself.

July 19, 2014

He dresses like this http://i01.i.aliimg.com/img/pb/326/373/664/664373326_980.jpg

Why OP? What do you see in him if he is cheap, not interested in sharing things you enjoy unless you pay for him, and dresses like a grungy rapper from the 90's?

July 19, 2014

He's in his early 30s... We live in London. We walked fro Peckham to Oxford St once with is over 5 miles!

(P.S. He teaches himself English Lit, not other people...)

In other words he is reading the classics. You can't teach yourself Eng.Lit. Anymore than you can teach yourself Law because so much of it has to do with History, Philosophy, Geography, Cartography, Psychology, Political Science, and Women's Studies. Reading is just reading.

July 19, 2014

I would never date a guy who just didn't work because he didn't feel like it. Esp one in his 30s! omg. maybe if I was 20 and he was too lol. What a loser, what kind of life do you expect to have with an overgrown baby? What's the plan for when his savings runs out? Has he considered he may need that savings in his elderly years???

July 19, 2014

We met on the internet and talked for a year before meeting. It's kind of awkward as he's told me that he loves me.

Wait.

So did you date anyone else in this year?

Are you just with him because he's what's available?

July 19, 2014

In other words he is reading the classics. You can't teach yourself Eng.Lit. Anymore than you can teach yourself Law because so much of it has to do with History, Philosophy, Geography, Cartography, Psychology, Political Science, and Women's Studies. Reading is just reading.

Reading... but learning too, no? I can't work out if I find this respectable and independent or avoidant....

July 19, 2014

Reading... but learning too, no? I can't work out if I find this respectable and independent or avoidant....

learning for...fun? most of us do that in our downtime, not as an excuse not to have a job. if he was serious about english lit, he'd take classes and become a teacher or something.

July 19, 2014

This man can remain a platonic friend whom you talk to or email as you did before for a year. Don't date him. Meanwhile, find a man who is looking for a romantic relationship and who knows how to be a real boyfriend.

This man is in his thirties. He isn't going to change for the better.

July 19, 2014

He sounds like a cheapskate. If he is so concerned about finances, there are a lot of lower cost things that you can do other than what he said. If he still won't do those things outside of what he says he will/won't do, then you need to forget him.

July 19, 2014

I would never date a guy who just didn't work because he didn't feel like it. Esp one in his 30s! omg. maybe if I was 20 and he was too lol. What a loser, what kind of life do you expect to have with an overgrown baby? What's the plan for when his savings runs out? Has he considered he may need that savings in his elderly years???

unfortunately, this is happening more and more. men dont give a crap anymore. they are tired of the dating rules of how you want the man to be and dont want to commit anymore-to anything. its a huge reason women cant find a good guy. look at whats going on all around. men are tired of the bull**** thats happening. look at the tons of single people in the world.

men need to work hard, have a job that pays a lot of money, workout, dress great, be a great courter, take a woman out, pay for everything, be a gentlman be an amazing performer in bed, get married, buy her a house and give her children and at the end gets divorced and gets everything taklen from him at the end. all his money, the house, the car, the kids. womens checklists are getting longer with huge demands. men see this and many dont give a sheet anymore.

look around and see whats happening. tons of single desperate women from 30-40 dying to get married and have children.

the profiles I read of women on OLD are basically "dont contact me for a ONS/FWB" and that says it all. men dont want to commit. they just want sex. why buy the cow when you get the milk for free

I dont blame him one second for not having any drive. I wish I was more like him. in fact I salute him! we will see that over time, more and more men are like this.

July 19, 2014

unfortunately, this is happening more and more. men dont give a crap anymore. they are tired of the dating rules of how you want the man to be and dont want to commit anymore-to anything. its a huge reason women cant find a good guy. look at whats going on all around. men are tired of the bull**** thats happening. look at the tons of single people in the world.

men need to work hard, have a job that pays a lot of money, workout, dress great, be a great courter, take a woman out, pay for everything, be a gentlman be an amazing performer in bed, get married, buy her a house and give her children and at the end gets divorced and gets everything taklen from him at the end. all his money, the house, the car, the kids. womens checklists are getting longer with huge demands. men see this and many dont give a sheet anymore.

look around and see whats happening. tons of single desperate women from 30-40 dying to get married and have children.
the profiles I read of women on OLD are basically "dont contact me for a ONS/FWB" and that says it all. men dont want to commit. they just want sex. why buy the cow when you get the milk for free

I dont blame him one second for not having any drive. I wish I was more like him. in fact I salute him! we will see that over time, more and more men are like this.

It's not so cut and dry. A LOT of women are held to an even higher standard and bring even more to the table and make more than their husbands do. I do agree a lot of men are like this and get away with it because of women who give away sex so easy and don't demand more for themselves so they end up get played time and time again by men who have no interest in commiting to them. So easy these days for a man to log online ACT like he likes a woman loads. She's stupid enough to give it up after a date or two because she felt a "connection". Then he disappears...wash rinse repeat. Standards are out the window these days for many women as you see here.

July 19, 2014

Sounds like a liberated man to me... not worried about conforming to anyone's stereotypical notions about what he's supposed to be, not jumping through hoops to make anyone's panties wet, reciprocity in terms of paying for dates, living on his own terms, doesn't throw his money away on restaurants to try and impress or entertain. He might be a good match for a woman who doesn't subscribe to stereotypical gender roles either... doesn't spend a fortune at the salon, changes the oil on her truck and motorcycle, expects to pay her share, doesn't believe how she looks/dresses defines who she is, can lift 50 lbs without crying, doesn't identify with cooking, cleaning and playing Suzie homemaker. Maybe he just needs someone whose expectations are not predefined and superficial. And maybe his aren't either.

July 19, 2014

Sounds like a liberated man to me... not worried about conforming to anyone's stereotypical notions about what he's supposed to be, not jumping through hoops to make anyone's panties wet, reciprocity in terms of paying for dates, living on his own terms, doesn't throw his money away on restaurants to try and impress or entertain. He might be a good match for a woman who doesn't subscribe to stereotypical gender roles either... doesn't spend a fortune at the salon, changes the oil on her truck and motorcycle, expects to pay her share, doesn't believe how she looks/dresses defines who she is, can lift 50 lbs without crying, doesn't identify with cooking, cleaning and playing Suzie homemaker. Maybe he just needs someone whose expectations are not predefined and superficial. And maybe his aren't either.

....but he lives at home.

July 19, 2014

unfortunately, this is happening more and more. men dont give a crap anymore. they are tired of the dating rules of how you want the man to be and dont want to commit anymore-to anything. its a huge reason women cant find a good guy. look at whats going on all around. men are tired of the bull**** thats happening. look at the tons of single people in the world.

men need to work hard, have a job that pays a lot of money, workout, dress great, be a great courter, take a woman out, pay for everything, be a gentlman be an amazing performer in bed, get married, buy her a house and give her children and at the end gets divorced and gets everything taklen from him at the end. all his money, the house, the car, the kids. womens checklists are getting longer with huge demands. men see this and many dont give a sheet anymore.

look around and see whats happening. tons of single desperate women from 30-40 dying to get married and have children.
the profiles I read of women on OLD are basically "dont contact me for a ONS/FWB" and that says it all. men dont want to commit. they just want sex. why buy the cow when you get the milk for free

I dont blame him one second for not having any drive. I wish I was more like him. in fact I salute him! we will see that over time, more and more men are like this.

dude, whatever. You're jumping from A to Z. There's a middle ground and it's called being a normal functioning member of society. Damn right MOST women expect their man to be that. Obviously not ALL though, some like the OP are fine with guys with no desire to be anything but lazy.

For the record MOST PEOPLE IN GENERAL end up married and with children, so stuff it with your made up BS about droves of single women desperate to get a man and unable to. It's a blatant lie. Men "don't want to commit" according to you but according to marriage records, they are still doing just that.

Sorry.

July 19, 2014

It's not so cut and dry. A LOT of women are held to an even higher standard and bring even more to the table and make more than their husbands do. I do agree a lot of men are like this and get away with it because of women who give away sex so easy and don't demand more for themselves so they end up get played time and time again by men who have no interest in commiting to them. So easy these days for a man to log online ACT like he likes a woman loads. She's stupid enough to give it up after a date or two because she felt a "connection". Then he disappears...wash rinse repeat. Standards are out the window these days for many women as you see here.

Its very cut and dry. men dont want to commit anymore. men get pewsey and dont need the whole commitment story with it. read our forums and youll see how men dont give a crap anymore and women are just having a hard time finding a quality guy. I read the forums too. I see whats going on. thats bottom line.

dude, whatever. You're jumping from A to Z. There's a middle ground and it's called being a normal functioning member of society. Damn right MOST women expect their man to be that. Obviously not ALL though, some like the OP are fine with guys with no desire to be anything but lazy.

For the record MOST PEOPLE IN GENERAL end up married and with children, so stuff it with your made up BS about droves of single women desperate to get a man and unable to. It's a blatant lie. Men "don't want to commit" according to you but according to marriage records, they are still doing just that.

Sorry.

the problem with you thinking its ok for the woman to expect (and even demand) the man to be all those things in their shopping list is unreal. you show me a woman who demands but gives back the same amount. you point the finger right now and show me one girl who demands so much but is the same in quality and even more so. and thats huge BS that it isnt so. women demand but give back no more.

and not according to me, according to statistics. Im a pro photographer, less and less people get married year after year. statistics show men dont give a flucking fkk anymore. you see it clear cut. less people get married every year. they dont care to find a great job, they dont care to go to college they dont care to commit. you heard of the famous book "men on strike"?

ive been to too many dates and ive seen with my own eyes how desperate these women are to get married and have children and your comment on marriage is childish. they are very desperate. they post tons of pics of themselves write exactly what a man wants to hear for a potential wife. you can see it. look at the post of a girl here who balatanly said it in a thread. she cares that her boobs are the right size so she can nab a man because shes threatened by younger girls nabbing these good men.

of course people are getting married, my point is that less men want to get married year after year. and even a one percent decline is a HUGE amount. you dont need a 10% to see the effects of it.

take a look at whats happening in japan. I dont know if youre up to date but the women there have a REALLY hard time finding a man to commit. they REALLY dont give a sheet. so much so that its worrying the govt for loss of population over the next years.

youre in your own bubble. im telling you from experience with talking to (many) women ive dated who tell me about the guys theyve dated and what I say is accurate. men dont give a fruck to commit. they play it off like thye care, like they want a committed R, but they just want the sex and theyre out. its not everyone. but its happeneing more and more. you dont see the trend in full action. the men try and get action, if they score great, if not, its back to the profile and try again. no problem at all. some innocent prey will come along

If I was a douchebag, all I have to do is go in my OLD profile check the box "marriage with children" and I could be switching pewsey weekly. weekly! but that is not in my inner moral values to do that, but a guy who looks like me could cash in big time. all I have to do is close my eyes and point my finger.

July 19, 2014

Its very cut and dry. men dont want to commit anymore. men get pewsey and dont need the whole commitment story with it. read our forums and youll see how men dont give a crap anymore and women are just having a hard time finding a quality guy. I read the forums too. I see whats going on. thats bottom line.

the problem with you thinking its ok for the woman to expect (and even demand) the man to be all those things in their shopping list is unreal. you show me a woman who demands but gives back the same amount. you point the finger right now and show me one girl who demands so much but is the same in quality and even more so. and thats huge BS that it isnt so. women demand but give back no more.

and not according to me, according to statistics. Im a pro photographer, less and less people get married year after year. statistics show men dont give a flucking fkk anymore. you see it clear cut. less people get married every year. they dont care to find a great job, they dont care to go to college they dont care to commit. you heard of the famous book "men on strike"?

ive been to too many dates and ive seen with my own eyes how desperate these women are to get married and have children and your comment on marriage is childish. they are very desperate. they post tons of pics of themselves write exactly what a man wants to hear for a potential wife. you can see it. look at the post of a girl here who balatanly said it in a thread. she cares that her boobs are the right size so she can nab a man because shes threatened by younger girls nabbing these good men.

of course people are getting married, my point is that less men want to get married year after year. and even a one percent decline is a HUGE amount. you dont need a 10% to see the effects of it.

take a look at whats happening in japan. I dont know if youre up to date but the women there have a REALLY hard time finding a man to commit. they REALLY dont give a sheet. so much so that its worrying the govt for loss of population over the next years.

youre in your own bubble. im telling you from experience with talking to (many) women ive dated who tell me about the guys theyve dated and what I say is accurate. men dont give a fruck to commit. they play it off like thye care, like they want a committed R, but they just want the sex and theyre out. its not everyone. but its happeneing more and more. you dont see the trend in full action. the men try and get action, if they score great, if not, its back to the profile and try again. no problem at all. some innocent prey will come along

If I was a douchebag, all I have to do is go in my OLD profile check the box "marriage with children" and I could be switching pewsey weekly. weekly! but that is not in my inner moral values to do that, but a guy who looks like me could cash in big time. all I have to do is close my eyes and point my finger.

" switching pewsey weekly. weekly!"

I find the way you talk about women and men really offensive and unfounded. Perhaps you're projecting.

July 19, 2014

" switching pewsey weekly. weekly!"

I find the way you talk about women and men really offensive and unfounded. Perhaps you're projecting.

thats the real world..deal with it. men have been offended by women for too long already. pay attention to the next few years and see the world change. its gonna get even worse for you ladies. and you brought it upon yourselves.

and yes, weekly. and its known that a lot of the men on OLD are married and many who simply want sex. youre just too naive to see it.

July 19, 2014

thats the real world..deal with it. men have been offended by women for too long already. pay attention to the next few years and see the world change. its gonna get even worse for you ladies. and you brought it upon yourselves.

and yes, weekly. and its known that a lot of the men on OLD are married and many who simply want sex. youre just too naive to see it.

You sound like you went to the Elliot Rodgers finishing school.

July 19, 2014

Well... it doesn't seem like he is taking advantage of you, being upfront about it. But if it bothers you than he is not the guy for you.

One thing I do agree with him though. Since my breakup last year I live in a great new city. At the very least one sort of art/music/whatever festival every month. And the forest is a 10min drive from here + a no entry fee cool bar with live music and very good musicians every wednesday.

The festivals are free and loads of fun. Making some bagels and go hiking or renting a mountainbike and have a picknick in the forest. I think 'free' stuff is way better. Movies can all be downloaded and watched on my big screen tv, getting frisky without bothering other movie goers.

Honestly, if I continue living here I don't think I will ever take someone to the cinema. Way more fun stuff to do. I do like going out for dinner though...

Edited July 19, 2014 by Priv

July 19, 2014

You sound like you went to the Elliot Rodgers finishing school.

I laughed after googling and reading about him. I didnt know who he was. I dont have a TV for 7 years now because it made me lazy. btw, im not from the US and you should never assume it as well. internet is international so have that in mind. im not always up to date on things in the US. I like to check international news so im up to date on whats happening around the world. much more important than being in your own bubble I think.

let me say a few things.

-I dont hate women, I hate the way they act today. very low class. I wish I could find a true lady but most have this fat mouth and its just disgusting in my eyes. there are no more "ladies"

-women are asking for more and more from the man they want and its unrealistic. men too, but the demands have not changed with them. but womens shoppng lists are crazy long. as I said above, pay attention to whats happening in japan (its slowly coming to the rest of the world) not only are people not geting married but people dont even want to have sex or reproduce. men dont give a crap. you can balk. but remember what I said when I tell you this trend is increasing. look how many people are single. that is a huge hint that things are changing.

-im very successful with dating. very. I choose to be picky. not because of looks so much but more of who the person is and this goes back to my first statement of how they behave. most the women I date are not the hotest or fittest. its not an issue so much. as long as I find them attractive.

-you havet been around here much but its my 4th year heavy bodybuilding, 185cm 94kg rock hard tall dark handsome. I have no issue getting pewsey. its freely available to me. dont even go there. and as a pro wedding photog I have too many options and I dont sleep around. I never had a ONS. I think its wrong to do that. so while I say pewsey (because I think a large amount of women are low class in my eyes) I dont sleep around. but I hate the way women are today. they mostly are low class in my eyes. I couldnt care what she has, but who she is. money is a small miniscule part.

mark my words when you see a huge change in dating over the next few years. pay close attention and you will see more and more quality men who are single in their 40's and will not marry.

July 19, 2014

This man can remain a platonic friend whom you talk to or email as you did before for a year. Don't date him. Meanwhile, find a man who is looking for a romantic relationship and who knows how to be a real boyfriend.

This man is in his thirties. He isn't going to change for the better.

If you enjoy your time with him, keeping him as a friend for an occasional outing is the best way to go.

He's not liberated at all, he's a slacker living in his comfort zone and has no plans of breaking out of it. Independent people, even those with more alternative attitudes towards life, usually desire to leave home and strike out on their own, even if it means working a variety of jobs to accomplish that.

July 19, 2014

I like his company but it gets 'samey'. I learn a lot of him and we have shared a lot online... talking for 1 year.

Does the fact that you've talked a lot and shared a lot make him a better person or make the two of you more compatible? No, it just makes him a person that you've talked a lot to. Don't we all have people who spent a lot of time talking to who we realized were no good for us?

Why don't you find a guy whose company you enjoy who it doesn't get "samey" with? You need someone with a plan or aspiration at the very least. Not someone who's content just teaching himself English lit (translation: sitting home reading to escape the realities of his own life) with no bigger plan.

I see a lot of vitriol being spewed about women and desiring a guy with money, but you clearly don't fall into the category. What's more salient here is the opposite extreme: guys complaining that women and life are too demanding and using that as a justification to not do try and better themselves or achieve anything. "Women are gold diggers -- I'm not going to play that game, I'm just going to sit at home and read Great Expectations/play video games/do anything completely hedonistic and unproductive." Saying "it's just who I am" isn't an acceptable excuse, it's cowardice. Life requires effort and work, we'd all love to sit around reading all day but most smart people realize that isn't a sustainable lifestyle.

The guy needs some money and some way to provide for his/your future. He doesn't have to be a CEO but he needs some way of contributing financially to your relationship together. Life is expensive. Your requests for a guy go out to dinner with you twice a month and occasionally compromise to do things you want to do are completely reasonable. And I'm a guy telling you this.

He has a right to live his life however he wants but if he only does things that he wants to do and doesn't make any effort or compromise and do things that you also want to do, he's selfish. I don't see any conceivable reason for anyone to stay with someone like that.

July 19, 2014

Nope. Then again, I probably wouldn't even meet that type.

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