Con Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Well, the actual question is - should I reach out first? Haven't heard from him in a week. Before jumping the gun, please read on... We met online. Had great first few dates, extremely casual with no expectations. Great personality, very easy going and respectful. I've probably known him for 2 months before we got intimate. Within those 2 months we saw each other maybe 4 times. Most of the time I've been busy with different things when he'd reach out and ask what I was up to (that was before our 2nd date), until he finally just asked me directly when we're seeing each other again. We set the date, went to dinner, had an amazing time and before dinner was over he requested the 3rd date. The 3rd date happened the following week, and ended with a kiss...a hot passionate good night kiss that had my knees shaking. And the next time we saw each other of course the sex happened. It was great. And it wasn't just the sex, I felt as though we had a connection. I mean if you just want sex from a girl, do you really cuddle for hours with her afterwards?? He disappears the next day, I shoot him a text the day after, and we start talking again. Then a few days later in a conversation we were having I told him something like "I hope there won't be any disappointments" He goes "as in?" I said "well, things change once you become intimate with someone" to which he responded with "well we can always get to know each other some more before we do that again" to which I just said "you d*ck" and added "I'm totally cool with just staying friends." That's when the tables turned. I tuned him out, I wasn't being rude to him or anything, just kept distance and showed no interest in wanting to pursue anything further, and that eventually caused him to almost beg me to see him again. His main reason was he wanted sex because he loved it and can't stop thinking about that night. I kept referring to us as friends which caused him to eventually raise the question of possibly pursuing something further (which deep inside I did want)... I just said - had I not wanted that, I wouldn't have slept with him in the first place. And for some reason this whole thing made me feel like he was pushed into asking for commitment, and the last thing I want to do is force someone into something they don't want. So when it came time to see each other a few days later, he texted me a few hours prior to and asked if we could postpone to the weekend (and that was a Tuesday). This totally confirmed my doubts I may have overreacted. But I told him I got the hint and that I'll leave him alone (I get impatient sometimes...). He responded back a few hours later saying something like why would I do that, and I just chose to not respond. The next day he wrote again and asked me if I was excited about the game that day (we are both big into soccer, and that day my team was playing), and before I knew it, we started talking about sex again. This time I just said we'll do it without pushing for commitment. We both craved it, I just never showed it and he openly talked about it... We met up the next day, for that one purpose...it felt really weird to not be in a relationship and commit yourself to just sex, but I just went with it...it was even better this time, and unlike last time, he texted twice after about how amazing it was. And he's been silent since. That coming Sunday a big game was coming up, the WC final, and both our teams made it - which was very ironic in and of itself But his team won, and mine lost... he usually always reaches out the day my team is playing, this time there was dead silence. My emotions are a complete roller coaster right now, and I cannot think straight. Did he develop some sort of feelings, and is now waiting for me to make the first move? Given his texting habits from before, he had never disappeared for this long. Is he simply no longer interested? Does he think I sleep around with other guys I meet? Or is he just a smooth talker and a commitment fob, and has different girls every night? I'm over analyzing... And I can't seem to let go of him, no matter how hard I try. There's this song that reminds me of him (not a sad song), I'm thinking I could just send it to him and see what he says...let it be a conversation starter. Or if I should just leave everything as is, because maybe he's just not that into me...
CarrieT Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 You called him a d*ck and got confrontational after sex. I think you ruined it.
Author Con Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 You called him a d*ck and got confrontational after sex. I think you ruined it. Well I called him that jokingly, and he knows that. He laughed at it and sent me a kiss right after.
Mrin Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Honestly? I have no clue. You definitely have some FWB stuff going on which is great. It also seems like her could develop feelings for you. But it will take time and you don't seem like the patient type.
GemmaUK Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 You called him a d*ck! What did you expect after that? It's not OK to call somebody names when they did nothing wrong and he hadn't done anything wrong.
Author Con Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 You called him a d*ck! What did you expect after that? It's not OK to call somebody names when they did nothing wrong and he hadn't done anything wrong. I see where you're coming from. It wasn't done in an offensive way though. We often speak in a sarcastic tone, and he does catch on my sarcasm easily. I added the "lol" in the end, which probably changes the entire tone of the message... Sorry for the confusion.
Author Con Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 Honestly? I have no clue. You definitely have some FWB stuff going on which is great. It also seems like her could develop feelings for you. But it will take time and you don't seem like the patient type. Patient? He hasn't texted in a week.
CarrieT Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 I see where you're coming from. It wasn't done in an offensive way though. We often speak in a sarcastic tone, and he does catch on my sarcasm easily. I added the "lol" in the end, which probably changes the entire tone of the message... Sorry for the confusion. One should never "text" sarcasm. Sarcasm is best interpreted through voice inflection. This is why it is best to establish new relationships through actual discussions and getting to know someone in person. Texting leaves too much to the imagination and there are more threads about misinterpretations and misunderstandings because of texting... If you really want to know what is going on with him, TALK TO HIM. Stop texting. 2
GemmaUK Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Having taken a breath and read through most of the rest. (sorry I find it tough to read without paragraphs..just a personal thing). He is up for sex when he is in the mood for it with you and you seem obliging. If that was what you were wanting then all is good. If it wasn't what you were wanting then..I would say you are right and he isn't that into you. Trust your instincts. They rarely lie.
GemmaUK Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 I see where you're coming from. It wasn't done in an offensive way though. We often speak in a sarcastic tone, and he does catch on my sarcasm easily. I added the "lol" in the end, which probably changes the entire tone of the message... Sorry for the confusion. On a side note.. There is sarcasm where..eg today I called someone a 'smug b**ch to her face as she was finished work earlier than me. She howled with laughter! 'You're a d*ck! Lol!' Cam mean 'you're a d*ck and I am laughing out loud telling you' As Carrie said sarcasm can seriously be lost in texts. It depends upon how the recipient interprets it at that time. To that I might have sent a 'x' to mean 'touche!'
Author Con Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 He did not take it to offense. That's all I have to say. You guys are missing the point. He never disappeared for this long in the past. And he disappears after telling me twice how much he is craving me? I am lost.
GemmaUK Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 He did not take it to offense. That's all I have to say. You guys are missing the point. He never disappeared for this long in the past. And he disappears after telling me twice how much he is craving me? I am lost. Then we are incorrect. You know him. We don't You can trust your gut feelings. Your gut feelings to me say that you think he isn't interested (from your thread title - but as we now know text can be misinterpreted - or not) Just wait for him to return or call him.
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