my heart aches

[bjarmel89]

So my bf an I have been together for over a year now, he proposed dec 2013. we've had our ups an downs. hes the one that said I love you first I hesitated on saying it back just for the simple fact that I didn't want to get hurt again. I said it anyways because I really do love him with every ounce of my body. after he moved in with my daughter an I things changed for worst I would think. he stopped having se with me pretty much all together at first I was like oh well it'll change but it never did. when he proposed I immediately said yes because I love him this much. he decided he wanted a baby so we started trying got pregnant an then miscarried. my family asked me to move back to mn to help take care of my dying aunt I talked it over with my love an he agreed it was time to move so we did. things got worst we ended up in a homeless shelter after my aunt died an then found out that we were pregnant. after I had told him the news of the baby he cried just a little. well I thought maybe things would get better an they didn't. he started talking to other girls an having them send pics to his email. well ya'll know bout smart phones, his email didn't log out so I was curious an went thru his phone ( I have never done this before this point I always trusted him) I found the emails an what not he got mad an broke his phone into pieces. well when we moved into our apt things were looking good for a min except he still wouldn't have sex with me. im not ugly an I know this but im not the prettiest girl either im not over weight or under weight. bout a week after we moved in I went to get on the computer to check my email an his was logged in when I opened the page up( I don't no his passwords for anything) so I seen more emails from right after we moved into our place. so I asked him bout them an he lied of course until I showed him that I seen them. well now im 5 months pregnant with our son (his first child) an I keep catching him playing with himself to porn. I know that it shouldn't bother me but when we haven't had sex in over a month an he tells me hes not in the mood or hes tired, he wont he even let me pleasure him. so from all of this now I feel he has fallen out of love with me an our children. he claims my 2 year old daughter as his own an says that he is her daddy for life. but with everything that's going on I still feel like hes looking for someone else someone better then me. he told me a week ago that me being pregnant made him look at me differently. so I said well most men think there women are more sexier when pregnant he said no babe I don't think that all it makes you less attractive he then says hes shallow an that hes sorry he knew what was coming when I got pregnant.. I feel like the most worthless person to him even tho I do everything for him. I sometimes feel like that since I gave him another chance after all the emails that he thinks he can do wat he wants. im just at a lost I haven't been paying attention to my 2 year old cuz im always so upset over how he looks at me or talks to me... any ideas of wat I can do or should do. remember I love this man with every ounce in my body, you cant help how you feel.