irresolute Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 In no particular order: -Bargaining -Depression -Denial -Anger -Acceptance I'm feeling angry for the last two days. It's an awful feeling, and I just want to punch someone in the face, literally I'd prefer to feel depressed, because at least I can control it, but this anger is really like a bomb that's going to explode any moment. I'm 2 weeks no contact and I already understood our relationship was toxic, and I'm just trying to break my crazy attachment to him. 1
erklat Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Denial Anger Bargain Depression Acceptance That is the right order. I am between depression and acceptance most of the time. I had last panic attack on May 14th so it took me a day shy of 8 months to get there. I have diagnosed depression and anxiety disorders prior to breakup. I think my recovery was extremely slow. Also the length of the relationship is necessary to be written You need to have the correct order otherwise this will turn out another ranting thread. You can walk between stages but the stages ur in 90 percent of the time counts.
emotionalMess Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Acceptance - I think. Was angry and Depressed for a while before this.
leavesonautumn Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Acceptance. I go through moments of sadness but that's it. Just a few seconds/a minute and I'm able to push through it. Last week I would have said Depression.
perduetseul Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 In no particular order: -Bargaining -Depression -Denial -Anger -Acceptance I'm feeling angry for the last two days. It's an awful feeling, and I just want to punch someone in the face, literally I'd prefer to feel depressed, because at least I can control it, but this anger is really like a bomb that's going to explode any moment. I'm 2 weeks no contact and I already understood our relationship was toxic, and I'm just trying to break my crazy attachment to him. I think I jump back and forth between all of them, every day, several times a day. Mostly anger though. That is my predominant feeling.
mightycpa Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 You forgot the last two: Forget Regret... Neverending Regret If they really broke your heart that is. If you wake up one morning, and you realize that you don't love them anymore, then that's real Closure. But, if you never stop loving somebody, it is like this: Once you accept, you begin to forget, because the obsession is gone. But when you see them again? Regret At least, that's what it is like for me. Closure is much better, because you get the gift of Indifference.
perduetseul Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Denial Anger Bargain Depression Acceptance That is the right order. If THIS is the right order, I am in SERIOUS trouble, because my predominant state would be anger and that would mean bargaining is next and I come from a history of 7 years of begging him to be with me. I can't have that anymore.
geebelle Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Anger definitely especially since I ended up breaking NC by responding and realizing how much of an ******* he always will be. Major setback.
Zahara Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 (edited) If THIS is the right order, I am in SERIOUS trouble, because my predominant state would be anger and that would mean bargaining is next and I come from a history of 7 years of begging him to be with me. I can't have that anymore. It's not an absolute. The stages don't come in nice little packages whereby you go from stage to stage on a certain timeline and end up at a finish line. Most likely you will randomly fall into a stage that you thought you passed, finding yourself back to where you started. Stages may repeat. Grief doesn't transition through each stage in an orderly fashion. The best thing to do is to just allow the process to take you where it needs you to go. Keeping score of stages and rushing to get yourself to acceptance because you want this to be over is only going to set you back with more unresolved emotions. Whether BARGAINING is #1 or #6, you go through what comes at you with the fact that it's over and with the one and only goal of getting yourself to the other side. Edited July 18, 2014 by Zahara 2
BC1980 Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 From everything I've read and experienced, grief is not linear. I definitely bounce around. I feel a lot of anger lately, and I hate that. I can't stand that this person could even make me angry and take up that much of my emotion, but I'm trying to realize that it's normal. It's something I need to go through. I get bouts of sadness too, but it's not like the depression I went through for 3 months. I hope to h*ll that doesn't return.
NC-Thomas Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Point is, there is not just one state. You keep switching from several at a time. After 2.5 months I would still bagain, but then again i have partly accepted it and then again I feel angry or sad sometimes. There just really isn't one phase, you keep switching each day. Atleast I do.
True Gent Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 I currently drift between acceptance and mild depression. The overwhelming feelings of anger have subsided for now, but i don't think I will of seen the last of the anger altogether just yet. I do accept what's happened things are on my mind a bit less, although still daily. The bouts of depression are normal after all the plans and dreams have been torn away from you, but I keep myself busy to overcome the feelings of sadness which works well.
Alcatraz Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 I'm at acceptance, but I still think about her a lot. Good days and bad days.
mightycpa Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 I'm at acceptance, but I still think about her a lot. Good days and bad days. That would be better described as "Resignation", wouldn't it? You are becoming resigned to the fact that you are powerless to do anything to change the situation. Soon you'll begin to forget.
dumbass2 Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 In no particular order: -Bargaining -Depression -Denial -Anger -Acceptance I'm feeling angry for the last two days. It's an awful feeling, and I just want to punch someone in the face, literally I'd prefer to feel depressed, because at least I can control it, but this anger is really like a bomb that's going to explode any moment. I'm 2 weeks no contact and I already understood our relationship was toxic, and I'm just trying to break my crazy attachment to him. I am feeling anger and acceptance now at the same time. Funny that I went straight to acceptance which I think messed me up and did not allow for me to go through the grieving early on . I kept feelings bottled up the first month and just tried to accept it and be the one in control then I lost it and began to bargain and then denial and depression and just now to the anger part and accepting that it is really over and was for a long time. I'm angry at myself for wasting so much time and energy when it was always a losing proposition once she broke it off.
furby58 Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 The stages varies for everyone. Im at acceptance right now but who knows that could change tommorow , next week or next month ..or might remain that way .
edgygirl Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 (edited) Thank you for posting this as I was just wondering about it yesterday. Weren't there 7 stages actually? (I re-arranged them according to my current feelings) - Shock / Disbelief - Denial - Bargaining - Guilt - Depression - Anger - Acceptance and Hope I've been through shock, denial, bargaining (ugh! wish I hadn't), denial again, guilt (kept thinking it was mainly my fault, or that I could have done something different) and depression (in all phases). They were all so bad that I am almost relieved to think I might be in anger mode. I think I probably already have a foot in acceptance as well. As for the anger - right now I am feeling and thinking all these bad things about him. It's good, in a way. Right after the breakup his qualities took over my brain, I put him / us on a pedestal as if he was the best match for me, as if I was losing my last chance at happiness. Boo to that! Sometimes I have bouts of sadness but I am not depressed anymore. 25 days NC gave me some clarity. I can see things without all the strong emotions. I don't even feel that much of a strong anger, but it's there and when I think about him (only a few times a day now thankfully), what comes to mind is that he's such an idiot - his idiotic decision and actions right before it. Edited July 18, 2014 by edgygirl 1
Oregon_Dude Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 I am one month post-breakup and am trying to move on as best I can, while honoring the relationship, recognizing that we had a lot of good times together, and some bad ones. I think I have fully accepted the loss of someone important to me, but it would by lying to say that I didn't wish she would text me that she misses me, or something like that. I want to know that I meant something to her, as she meant to me. At the same time, breakups are often emotional warfare, and the one who cares less "wins".. but there's no winning. We all get through things in our own way and take the time we need. I am resolving to be optimistic and find my happiness in other things besides love and a relationship right now. I am trying to move on, while letting myself feel the sadness that is necessary to feel. I am tired of feeling like sh*t and being a downer. To better days! 1
Justaguy30 Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Between depression and acceptance, more on the accepting side though. The last few weeks have been tough. Just missing her but today I realized that I don't need her and its way more trouble than its worth!
Author irresolute Posted July 19, 2014 Author Posted July 19, 2014 Between depression and acceptance, more on the accepting side though. The last few weeks have been tough. Just missing her but today I realized that I don't need her and its way more trouble than its worth! Same here. My anger is towards the world not just the relationship or hom. I ask myself why he didn't love me the way I did. I gave him my best and still it was not enough. I feel angry because of this. Besides the anger and the acceptance that this relationship was condemned to disaster, I feel guilty I'm not contacting him. It may sound silly but I feel this way. He is always waiting for me to contact him and if I don't do it, he acuses me of escaping or disappearing. Meanwhile, he flirts with every woman he can and when i ask him to meet he's always busy. Why on earth I'm feeling guilty??? He doesn't even text me. Ever! And he flirts all the time and even sleep with other women. Sorry, I started writing and couldn't stop.
music_and_poetry Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Anger. I have a feeling I will be in this stage for a very long time.
erklat Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 If THIS is the right order, I am in SERIOUS trouble, because my predominant state would be anger and that would mean bargaining is next and I come from a history of 7 years of begging him to be with me. I can't have that anymore. That is the true order as described by Elizabeth Kubler Ross. But it is not linear. You can go between one or two stages at a time. You can even be experiencing the cycle for multiple losses at a same time.
guest569 Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 I've been alternating between denial and depression for 6 months. I get angry at times but cant say I have been in any sort of anger "stage" yet.
emotionalMess Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 I'm at stage 8 1- Shock / Disbelief 2- Denial 3- Bargaining 4- Guilt 5- Depression 6- Anger 7- Acceptance and Hope 8- Pity the fool 3
Pickmeup Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Where does the "blame" section fall? I cannot get to anger, i just keep stuck in the sad blaming myself with "if only". If i had shown him how much I loved him when he was with me, he wouldn't have felt unloved and we wouldn't have been here. :-( Just want this nightmare to end.
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