Waiting for the woman to ask for exclusivity

[billy2000]

I do not believe the man should ask a woman to be his girlfriend. If I am interested in a woman then I ask her out on dates and we will keep going out either until she asks me to be the boyfriend or stops accepting dates altogether.

 

But if she hasn't asked me to be the boyfriend then the presumption is we are both free to see other people and do not have to tell each other about it. I really never wanted to be any woman's boyfriend until we get between 8-10 dates in or 3 months of knowing each other. Whichever comes last.

 

I think if a woman's attraction and interest level for me is on the way up then it is only a matter of time before she will verbally communicate about the progression of the relationship. She may not ask directly to be my girlfriend but she will ask where is this going? Or what are my intentions?

 

Those questions are code for wanting to be the girlfriend.

[rewl]

I don't agree at all. It's very easy to tell whether or not a girl wants to be your girlfriend, does she act like a girlfriend? Does she meet you up whenever you ask? Do what you'd like her to do? Cater to your expectations? If she does, it clearly means she wants you. If not, then dump her anyway. Especially after two months.

[TXGuy]

That sound like a reasonable position to take. Other people might do it differently, but your way seems fine.

 

Is it working out ok for you?

[soccerrprp]

I do not believe the man should ask a woman to be his girlfriend.

 

It's your belief. Is it working for you? Frankly, it just adds ANOTHER complication to having a meaningful relationship by being so one-sided.

[marcjb]

I can understand your points except for dating more than one person at the same time.

[Atticus9292012]

I have been burned many times in the past and I give it three months and if the man does not bring up exclusivity in that time, I usually just pull back and focus on someone else(s). Every time I have had to "ask," the conversation is never about how we're going to be in a relationship. Its almost always a line of B.S. about how he isn't ready or doesn't want a relationship. SO, if what you're doing is working for you then great. I think me agreeing to go on dates, sleep overs, and generally doing nice things for you are indication enough of my interest to be in a relationship. I like to have a man lead too. That is just me. I don't want to be the leader in the relationship, I guess. Some women like to be in the lead.

[starrynightz45]

If a guy doesn't bring it up in 3 months time, I start feeling like he isn't looking for a relationship and I pull back. Period, end of story.

 

Women do not like to bring up that conversation because 9/10, MEN are more hesitant to commit than women. Everything is fine and then we bring up that "talk" and things go down the drain.

 

I never, ever bring up the "talk." Every man I've dated has brought it up after maybe 2-3 months and we went from there. If it works for you, fine. But more likely than not, you're going to push away some women who really were interested in a relationship with you.

[hasaquestion]

I do not believe the man should ask a woman to be his girlfriend. If I am interested in a woman then I ask her out on dates and we will keep going out either until she asks me to be the boyfriend or stops accepting dates altogether.

 

But if she hasn't asked me to be the boyfriend then the presumption is we are both free to see other people and do not have to tell each other about it. I really never wanted to be any woman's boyfriend until we get between 8-10 dates in or 3 months of knowing each other. Whichever comes last.

 

I think if a woman's attraction and interest level for me is on the way up then it is only a matter of time before she will verbally communicate about the progression of the relationship. She may not ask directly to be my girlfriend but she will ask where is this going? Or what are my intentions?

 

Those questions are code for wanting to be the girlfriend.

 

Wait. So following you around, laughing at your stupid jokes, sleeping with you, and responding to every message you send, for three whole months, isn't code enough?

She's not there by accident you know.

[Mascara]

That's fine if it works for you, but remember that's it's widely believed that women have many more options than men. If you want to continue dating others for 3 months, she can too. And the chances are she's having more dates than you.... and could well find someone else.

[billy2000]

Wait. So following you around, laughing at your stupid jokes, sleeping with you, and responding to every message you send, for three whole months, isn't code enough?

She's not there by accident you know.

 

 

There won't be any sex or sleepovers until AFTER it has been established that we are boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm not into having sex or spending the night until it has been established that we are exclusive.

[billy2000]

That's fine if it works for you, but remember that's it's widely believed that women have many more options than men. If you want to continue dating others for 3 months, she can too. And the chances are she's having more dates than you.... and could well find someone else.

 

Never said that she couldn't be with others. As I said in my first post if we haven't talked about being exclusive then it is a safe presumption that we are both free to see other people. So what you are saying about her seeing others is something I already expect if we haven't had the talk.

 

As far as her having more options I would hope that she has plenty of options of men to choose from. Would you rather be with someone who is with you only because they have no other options? If that would not bother you then good for you. For me personally the ideal girlfriend is one who has many options of men carrying a torch for her but she is choosing to be with me in spite of that.

 

Getting a girlfriend is a moot point if you don't know why she is with you. I don't want someone who doesn't have other options. If other guys are not chasing her then it calls into question her real motives for going out with me. Maybe she is just lonely. Well I have to weed those types of women out.

Edited July 18, 2014 by billy2000

[GorillaTheater]

Seems kind of passive, and this approach wouldn't work for me.

 

If it works for you, great.

[billy2000]

But to answer the question has it worked for me? Yes it has in my relationship history. The last 2 relationships lasted 3 years each.

[hasaquestion]

Never said that she couldn't be with others. As I said in my first post if we haven't talked about being exclusive then it is a safe presumption that we are both free to see other people. So what you are saying about her seeing others is something I already expect if we haven't had the talk.

 

As far as her having more options I would hope that she has plenty of options of men to choose from. Would you rather be with someone who is with you only because they have no other options? If that would not bother you then good for you. For me personally the ideal girlfriend is one who has many options of men carrying a torch for her but she is choosing to be with me in spite of that.

 

Getting a girlfriend is a moot point if you don't know why she is with you. I don't want someone who doesn't have other options. If other guys are not chasing her then it calls into question her real motives for going out with me. Maybe she is just lonely. Well I have to weed those types of women out.

 

Yeah, well if she has other options, and if she's sending you a million nonverbal cues to escalate things with her, and if you're ignoring them for 3 months... why wouldn't she move on to one of those other options instead?

 

If it works for you fine just seems like a bad strategy to me.