redone Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 "I really wont cheat on you" Would like some input people please
Author redone Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 we where discussing ground rules, as in if either one of us fancied someone else we would finish our relationship before we pursued the next one, so that there would be no cheating as in sleeping with someone if any of this makes sense
Atticus9292012 Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 it sounds like he was just trying to reassure you he wouldn't do that to you
Diezel Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 That's what EVERYONE says, cheaters and non-cheaters. There's nothing really to read from that statement. He might as well have said, I'll never lie to you. How would you really know? Just observe his actions, not what he says. 1
Author redone Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 thank you for your reply, how would you take this one "nothing really happened, it was all innocent"
d0nnivain Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Taken together I would be suspicious that this guy only has a passing acquaintance with the concepts of truth & fidelity. Proceed with caution & keep your eyes open. Do not give away your heart just yet.
PegNosePete Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Please stop posting single lines taken from entire conversations. We can't help you unless you give us the context in which the line was said. That applies to this one and all future ones! 4
Zahara Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 thank you for your reply, how would you take this one "nothing really happened, it was all innocent" OP, you've created 5 threads in a little over 3 weeks running around in circles with these questions. You either learn to trust him or you end it. If you believe he is cheating pay close attention to what he does rather than what he says. You keep asking these questions with no real context except for two other threads where you mention he had some dabbling with an ex. No one can really give you any answers as to his mindset with these one line statements. 3
Author redone Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 please bare with me. my bf had an ex of three years ago that he was still friendly with when we got together. she used to visit him etc, but not no more. he would bring her name into converstion at the beginning of oour relationship. so i asked if he was still hung up on her and he said no. anyway there was texting etc and my intuition tells me somethingt went on. We have had blazing rows inwhich he swore on his daughters life. i found out alot about her as i thought she was a threat, she has been divorced three times from a friend of a friend, she is not nice. the other week he asked me if i had seen the person who gave me the info, i said no. to which he then said "nothing really happened" to which i replied what do you mean "nothing really happened"and then he said "it was all innocent" Also he asked me when do the schools break up, which is strange as she works in a school. when confronted by me again after another row,yes i know, he didnt swear on his daughters life, i asked him to tell me the truth. i asked him was it a kiss or a bj etc he couldnt look me i nthe face and kept on looking up at the ceiling. He has also said when this has been bought up and i quote "The women is no good for no man, i haave no repect for her" He tells me that he could marry me, and that i am a good women Sorry this is all jumbled
PegNosePete Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Also he asked me when do the schools break up, which is strange as she works in a school. You assume it has to do with her... it couldn't have been maybe because he has a daughter? You seem to be starting all the fights here. His past is his past. Just leave it there, don't elt it interfere with your future. If he lets it interfere with your future then take whatever action is necessary, but at the moment, it seems to be YOU who has the issues. 1
kaylan Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 thank you for your reply, how would you take this one "nothing really happened, it was all innocent" Ive learned from experience, that if I have to have a sort of conversation that involves such responses as the ones youve shared, then I dont need to be with that woman. If my trust in a woman is already shaken, I need to leave. Broken hearts in my youth have taught me not to stay with someone whos loyalty Im greatly doubting. 1
Author redone Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 the daughter is not by her, i and i dont see that i have a problem. There was alot of secret text messages to begin with, which he eventually told me. And also after what i think happened between them, he had a bedroom problem for about a month afterwards, guilt i would of thought wouldnt you
Author redone Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 sorry Kaylan could you explain, as i dont quite understand, sorry;)
Zahara Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 If I had a partner that was feeling insecure of about something I did in the past, I'd do my best to be upfront and openly responsive in hopes of alleviating his worry. Instead, he looks up at the ceiling when you ask him a straightfoward question. He gives you these passive one line statements that leave you confused and pondering. Then knowing you're insecure and this is all so fresh, he asks you about school break when he's smart enough to know that he's possibly going to trigger you with that question since you know she works at a school. I have to wonder if he gets satisfaction out of emotionally and mentally distressing you. Whether or not he is cheating or cheated is one thing. I really don't care for his covert behavior. That in itself is a red flag to you. 1
Author redone Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 thank you Zahara it makes me wonder as because of his behaviour, i wonder if about all his previous girlfirends has gone through this and this is why he hasnt been able to settle down. I have read an inbox message from an ex girlfriend of 10 years ago, which she sent to him about two years, it goes something along the lines of "you wheree the worst boyfriend ever for stress levels with your paranoia and jealousy, i dont know how i coped for two years. and you flirted in front of me with the bleached blonde"
Zahara Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 i wonder if about all his previous girlfirends has gone through this and this is why he hasnt been able to settle down. "you wheree the worst boyfriend ever for stress levels with your paranoia and jealousy, i dont know how i coped for two years. and you flirted in front of me with the bleached blonde" There's a saying, "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior." 1
writergal Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 If I had a partner that was feeling insecure of about something I did in the past, I'd do my best to be upfront and openly responsive in hopes of alleviating his worry. Instead, he looks up at the ceiling when you ask him a straightfoward question. He gives you these passive one line statements that leave you confused and pondering. Then knowing you're insecure and this is all so fresh, he asks you about school break when he's smart enough to know that he's possibly going to trigger you with that question since you know she works at a school. I have to wonder if he gets satisfaction out of emotionally and mentally distressing you. Whether or not he is cheating or cheated is one thing. I really don't care for his covert behavior. That in itself is a red flag to you. Spot on. That's happened to me as well so I agree with you 100% that it's possible the OP's boyfriend intentionally triggered the OP b/c he's a real jerk. Some people are like that and it boggles the mind why they are allowed to act like that.
Author redone Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 sorry im a bit vague, as to your reply could you elaborate, sorry
Zahara Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Spot on. That's happened to me as well so I agree with you 100% that it's possible the OP's boyfriend intentionally triggered the OP b/c he's a real jerk. Some people are like that and it boggles the mind why they are allowed to act like that. Yes, Writergal. I've been with someone like this before. I picked up on his responses because that was how my ex behaved as well. Instead of being upfront and communicative, he'd be covert and evasive. 1
Zahara Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 sorry im a bit vague, as to your reply could you elaborate, sorry Elaborate on?
writergal Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 sorry im a bit vague, as to your reply could you elaborate, sorry Nothing to elaborate. I just said that it's possible that your boyfriend behaved with you as Zahara described some people do. Yes, Writergal. I've been with someone like this before. I picked up on his responses because that was how my ex behaved as well. Instead of being upfront and communicative, he'd be covert and evasive. Sorry that you had to go through that with your ex, Zahara. I think deep down, people who behave like that must be extremely insecure and have a low sense of self worth. 1
Diezel Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 How about you dump this guy and find someone else you don't need to make threads about? Sounds MUCH easier.
Author redone Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 the OP's boyfriend intentionally triggered the OP, sorry for being so dense, im all new to this
Recommended Posts