Lebowski Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 I've been reading your posts since my heart broke in two and believe this site is a great way to cope. Keeping my same old story brief, my ex girlfriend of two years left a dear john letter on my bed in November based on our differences. I then pleaded and she ran and hid behind no contact until the Thursday before Valentines. Prior to this recent email, there was no contact since before Christmas. The last email I sent in December just stated that I'm not mad and that I love her enough to let her go find her own happiness. Here is the message she sent before Valentines: "You know those photographs that I bought you for your birthday? The ones of the waves that I got autographed by the photographer? (The same photographer that took my senior portraits...) Well, here's a news article about him." The article is about how he drowned. How random of a contact is that? I feel bad about the photographer, but am confused why this info was chosen to break no contact. Many of you will probably tell me she is just keeping tabs on me. Probably true especially before Valentines the following Monday. I waited two days after Valentines to respond simply saying that it's too bad about the photographer and told her to take care of herself. Today I recieve this email: Just thought I'd check in to see how you were doing... so, how have you been? Feels weird to actually be writing to you. I hope that you are doing really well and work is going good. What have you been up to lately? I really would like to know what you are doing and if you are okay... if that's okay with you that is. Drop me a line and let me hear from you!!! My question is this, what would you do? Reply or not? I'm currently 24 and am doing well. I'm still deeply in love with this girl but have moved on with my life. The breakup was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through on my own but am thankful for having had to endure it. I don't believe you can know how to love someone without ever experiencing serious heartbreak. The two of us weren't ready to be in a relationship back then, I believe we are now. In response to letting her know how I'm doing, the truth is this. I just bought a new BMW, made $16,000 last month alone, have been working out 6 times a week since we broke up, and am going on a 7 day Caribbean cruise next week. Not sure how to phrase this without sounding over the top. Please give your opinions or response to the contact!
SinceIvebeenlovingU Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 If that truely is your life now...holy **** man...i envy you...i'm 18 and in college and i mean i'm trying to get out of the depression because its been about 3 months since the break up...but only about 1 month no contact....I just don't know I'm taking a solo trip to D.C. on my spring break so thats good...but I mean back to you...yeah your doing really well...I say do what your heart tells you...but you certinely have enough things to be really happy about...congrats!
Author Lebowski Posted February 22, 2005 Author Posted February 22, 2005 To let the truth be known, without someone you truly love, all material things lose their importance. I was a poor college student last spring and now things are different. The previous post made me think that I should be on top of the world. On the contrary, I feel kind of empty inside. I go out a lot and have dated since the break, but still want to be with my ex. I must admit, everytime I open my email I wonder if there will be a message waiting from my ex. Today there it was. Does she genuinely want to be friends? I've held strong with no contact (highly recommended), why give in if this is just a test. But what if by my no contact she tells herself that the relationship we had is indeed over. The fear of looking weak is a double edged sword.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 She's giving you an inch. As long as you are willing to see it for the inch that it is and not try to take a mile out of it, you'll do fine. I expect since you still have such strong feelings, that it will be very difficult to see her actual intent through that veil of hope you still have going on. Just play it cautious. Its very likely she is just checking up to see how you are doing and it wouldn't be wise to read much more into that at this point. Do you reply? It depends on how willing/able you are to handle the possibility of interaction without reconciliation. If you do talk to her, I wouldn't mention all those goodies right off the bat. Even I get $$$ signs in my eyes, and I don't even know you. You'll want to be sure that if she does come back, its for you - not just your possibilities in the lap of luxury. Some women are perfectly willing to compromise a little (some a LOT) on their emotions if they are looking at a stable, well off man who loves them and who can take care of them.
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 You've come a long way...I think one email back to say thanks for saying hi but I think it's best for me we go our own separate ways. This isn't about her, this is about YOU and your heart. Don't go down that path again...You shut the door and dealt with the emotional rollercoaster...Opening it a tiny bit is just gonna give you unnecessary bumps in the road you don't need now!
Urban Rubble01 Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 Lebowski, I know what you're going through, and I think your point about not knowing how to love someone until you've gone through this kind of thing is exactly right. To be honest, the E-mail sounded fairly neutral. She could be just checking in on you, she could be saying something more. If it were me, I know I'd respond casually and try to see what's going on. Try not to expect too much, but be open with her. Let her know you're doing good, tell her those things you told us (but do what you can to sound humble and not brag). I don't know what else to say other than I know how it feels to miss someone you love. I'm "on a break" from my girl of over 3 years and after 5 months I'm still having alot of trouble.
sundrop Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 Lebowski, She wrote you a dear john letter and then sent you a letter or email. She's not worthy of the love you have to offer her. If you feel compailed to reply keep it brief, and straight to the point and say thanks for checking. I haven't given anybody a dear john letter since elementary school... Sounds like you are taking care of yourself so keep doing that.
Author Lebowski Posted February 23, 2005 Author Posted February 23, 2005 Thanks everyone for showing your support and suggestions. I've learned so much about not only myself, but about emotions in general from reading the posts on this site. I'm glad I stuck with the no contact thing. I don't think I would have gotten any response from my ex this soon if I had kept trying to contact her. In all honesty, before I got the first email I didn't think I would ever have contact with her again. I could say that I had accepted that, but I never did. I believe I've moved on even though I still think about her quite often. Even though I feel weak at times, I'm the strongest mentally I've ever been in my whole life. I truly do thank her for that. My relationship with my ex, or any future relationship for that matter, would have struggled if it weren't for the pain I went through after the breakup. At least that's how I like to think of it. As for my reply to her, I'm going to keep it short and sweet with no signs of wanting to get her back. If she really wants us to work out, she'll have to put in the effort (one hell of an effort that is). Thanks again!
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