Romantic Conection Patterns

[Mysterio]

I was wondering about something in my romantic life. I am Black male, 43 yrs old, born in March of 1971. From the years of 1989 to 2014. I have recently written down all the women I have been with in that time period.

 

Group A women. They came to me and there was much more physical affection between us after getting to know each other, and good vibes until it ended. Essentially I have been with 10 women in 25 yrs in that pattern of intimacy.

 

Group B women. I made the effort to get to know them and there was always some mishaps getting together with them just even for a Starbuck date. Broken dates and excuses. No real physical intimacy. The numbers of the the group b women are about 20 roughly.

 

So I feel like I am caught between a rock and a hard place. It feels like if I make an effort. The Universe does not provide me with a woman that I can make it work with. If I don't make that major effort. A woman will come towards me romantically when I least expect it. It just seems like that is the pattern I am in. I don't date black women much, because they are really not in my social environment for the most part. The same with the majority of my friends are white as well.

 

I wonder why that is. Once again. I am 43. 5'9 Black Male. Shaved head. I am in fit shape trying to get better into better shape. I feel like I am more introspective/spiritual soul. I have been told that I am a great listener. I listen to a lot of Classic Rock/Classic Soul and Jazz. Trying to learn Guitar at the moment. I dress well jeans and nice shirt.

 

Most of the women I date are White and my friend on both genders are White for the most part. I live in Canada.

 

In my mind. I feel like I have way too much hardship dating. I feel like I should have at least a steady GF at the moment, with the possibility of marriage in a 2 yrs or so.

 

I really am not a fan of dating. What I don't understand is that while I have great friends. My dating quality seems loopy at best. Its like my judgement is not great and I don't know why that is.

 

Evaluating myself. I feel like all the women around me for dating and eventually forming a LTR. Those women are really hard to connect with. Even though they are in the same social environment as my friends.

 

Any insight to why that is. Or is the dating world just loopy and I have to accept it. My parents are still together. I really want this pattern in my life to change. I don't know if I need counseling or hypnotherapy. I feel like if I don't get a handle on this now. This pattern is going to stay the same.

 

Thanks. I don't expect some major revelation, but anything that pops out of your head would be appreciated. Thanks again.

Edited July 18, 2014 by Mysterio
Change in tittle

[PegNosePete]

The Universe does not provide me with a woman that I can make it work with.

Maybe you should ask the universe for a refund? Do you have your receipt? How much did you pay for your life, and where are the terms and conditions that state you will be provided with a compatible woman?

 

OK a bit less facetiously. What you're doing here is an example of entitlement. You do not get handed things on a silver platter in this life. You need to work for them.

 

I really am not a fan of dating. What I don't understand is that while I have great friends. My dating quality seems loopy at best. Its like my judgement is not great and I don't know why that is.

This seems to be where the problem is. Why aren't you a fan of dating? Many people (myself included) are not fans of dating but it is a necessary stage we have to go through to get a long-term relationship. There's not really any other way except maybe mail-order brides. I went on first dates with over 20 women until I found someone I had a good connection with. It's all about trial and error, and practice. So just get out there and do it!

[Priv]

Actually doesn't seem so bad.

 

 

Over the last 25 years you dated rougly 30 people. Of those 10 developed in relationships naturally, since those 10 were into you too (I don't believe in early dating and approaching being a oneway street, you too must have given of some vibe that you were interested).

 

 

Doesn't seem like you were single for a lot of the time, or all of the RS must have ended within months. Half the time maybe or less?

 

 

You are struggling with not yet having found the one you see a definite future with. A lot of people are. I guess you just have to suck it up and continue looking, since obviously some people are into you (1 out of 3 is pretty good I'd say ).

[Mysterio]

Thanks Peg/Priv. Entitlement to me means that I expect results without doing anything. I guess the women in Group B were all the same in the sense that when I made the effort. They were loopy. Not just one or two. All of them. Its not like I went out with any woman from group b 10 times and we were so different that by date 9 we had to call it off.

 

I am not the type of fellow that just wants to hit on everything that is female. I don't like being intrusive like that. A lot of these women were just around me.

 

I thought there may have been a pattern that I could not see. I also think that the women in group b were really more strangers for the most part. Where as group a women were women that were more aquanited with me. So I guess from talking to you both on the forum. The more stranger she is with me. The more loopiness there is. Its kind of like friends. Rarely are two stranger going to hit it off and be each others close friend from the get go. Usually it has to develop over time.

 

If I am at a party or where ever. If I am talking to a woman and there is a good vibe. I may ask her out. Its the " I am attracted to a woman physically. I make an effort to ask her out, I don't know her ". That situation does not pan out.

 

Its almost like the best situation that would work out is through work/recreation. Some place where I have to frequent on a regular basis, as opposed to hit and miss.

 

Anyways. Thank you. I may chime in. I feel that at age 43 that I should have had this wrapped up by now. I guess we are all on our journeys.

[Gaeta]

It's not suppose to work till it works.

 

I am 48, I have been looking for 2-3 years.

 

I have met 100s of men over coffees that I have not seen again.

I have met a handful of men that I dated 2-3-4 weeks top

And I have had ONE 6 month relationship out of all those 100s men I met.

 

And this even though I have a really good package to offer. I cannot force chemistry and commitment.

 

It's good you are meeting in your day-to-day life but online would be a great option you may want to try.

 

Concerning you being a black men in a white circle I don't think it matters. Maybe depending where you are in Canada. In my city you would not have a free moment to yourself.

[Mysterio]

Thanks for your reply Gaeta. I guess I figure that most people are going to stick to their ethnicity and age range. I do believe that untill you meet someone that you click with. You have to keep going thru people.

 

I don't have a big problem being single. Its more the dating thing that gets to me once in ahwile. I just figure I have my head on straight and that the universe only gives us what we can handle. I guess for some reason. As I get older. I thought that this would have wrapped up by now. If I was 23. I think it would be unresonable for me to be so antsy about being single and no major romantic prospect. 43. I think that things should have paned out better. When I was younger. I was not doing well in school and did not graduate on time. So I was more preoccupied about getting out of high school than dating. I did graduate 2 yrs later due to some set backs but I got my diploma in 1991.

 

I just figure since I am for the most part a straight shooter that I would have met a great woman by now. If I had to say the type of woman I would want to be with. It would be a woman that is single and she would be more the girl next door type. Kind of like Betty Cooper from the Archie comics.