SpiralOut Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 She's more into you than you are into her. She is picking up on that and doesn't like it, which is probably partly why (along with her drinking) she gets so sensitive. But she likes you too much (and doesn't like herself enough) to go find someone more suitable, so she sticks around in the hopes that you'll change your mind. Then when you don't, she gets upset and acts this way. This is not good for either one of you. You can try to act more attentive, but if the feelings aren't there it is going to shine through. She will still pick up on the fact that she annoys you, and it will make her feel angry and hurt and she'll become even more insecure and needy. It will need to be you who ends it. I don't think she respects herself enough to walk away. 1
Assasda Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 First of all man. Good job on getting up and leaving. Hopefully you didnt say a word to her after that. Next time she asks you about the "yeah" thing, tell her that, thats how you express yourself and that she can take it or leave it. Let her stew, and see other women romantically 1
PogoStick Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Next time you see her and she asks why you left, just reply "yeah" and walk away. 1
snowflakes88 Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Based on your post history, you've been leading this girl on for most of the year, knowing that she is super into you and that you don't really want to be with her. The kind/mature thing to do would be to break it off and stick with your decision. 3
Emilia Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 I don't say much about the drinking but I mentioned it as I was leaving because she ALWAYS mentions needing a glass of wine or a drink after work. I understand work can be stressful, but it bothers me. Perhaps I'm more sensitive about it because there has rarely been alcohol in my house as a kid and my grandfather was an alcoholic. I'm no saint either. I like to drink, just maybe twice a month. At her best she can be sweet. The sex is really good, but I have my own sexual quirks of my own and have no problem with being sexually dominant. It is comfortable having a certain level of companionship with someone. BUT I know I could do better and save myself headaches. I was seeing someone at work and found out too late that he is an alcoholic. Many of us socialise after work and alcohol affects him quickly so I never saw him drink more than a couple of pints. I only realised when I started seeing him that it went beyond that (drinking vodka/spirits at home, etc). Our thing also exacerbated his drinking :/ I have the same background as you and alcoholism gets my hackles up. I rarely go out for drinks now after work because he is always there, went out last Friday (with someone else) joined him and a mate and I just ended up feeling depressed and down. So anyway, my point is that you have to cut socialising out with her. Talk to her at work, etc but don't socialise and avoid personal conversations. I can tell you that's frikken hard, especially when the other person is open but you will just have to be strong. Try to find another woman.
Author Biscous Posted July 28, 2014 Author Posted July 28, 2014 She's more into you than you are into her. She is picking up on that and doesn't like it, which is probably partly why (along with her drinking) she gets so sensitive. But she likes you too much (and doesn't like herself enough) to go find someone more suitable, so she sticks around in the hopes that you'll change your mind. Then when you don't, she gets upset and acts this way. This is not good for either one of you. You can try to act more attentive, but if the feelings aren't there it is going to shine through. She will still pick up on the fact that she annoys you, and it will make her feel angry and hurt and she'll become even more insecure and needy. It will need to be you who ends it. I don't think she respects herself enough to walk away. After a few days of NC she came to my door man. I let her sleep there but no sex. She cried a lot and blamed me for a bunch of things. It's hard.
Emilia Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 After a few days of NC she came to my door man. I let her sleep there but no sex. She cried a lot and blamed me for a bunch of things. It's hard. Yeah it's easier with guys... You need to find a way to have some contact. I keep it to a minimum but I have some so neither of us is stressed.
Author Biscous Posted July 28, 2014 Author Posted July 28, 2014 Yeah it's easier with guys... You need to find a way to have some contact. I keep it to a minimum but I have some so neither of us is stressed. She was just out with her friends and more or less said "I'm at your place, I don't know why". She said a few weird things while over at my place too. I also know she feels a bit safe and protected with me.
Emilia Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 She was just out with her friends and more or less said "I'm at your place, I don't know why". She said a few weird things while over at my place too. I also know she feels a bit safe and protected with me. She had been drinking, that would be my guess. Do you want to draw boundaries?
Author Biscous Posted July 28, 2014 Author Posted July 28, 2014 She had been drinking, that would be my guess. Do you want to draw boundaries? Yes I do want to.
truth_seeker Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 I was mentioning pulling the plug on a Friday because it will give her two days to cry it out, since she's emotional. :lmao:
truth_seeker Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 After a few days of NC she came to my door man. I let her sleep there but no sex. She cried a lot and blamed me for a bunch of things. It's hard. Get away from this woman. What a huge headache.
Author Biscous Posted July 28, 2014 Author Posted July 28, 2014 Yeah it's easier with guys... You need to find a way to have some contact. I keep it to a minimum but I have some so neither of us is stressed. My reason for contacting her will be to get my **** back.
Emilia Posted July 29, 2014 Posted July 29, 2014 Yes I do want to. Then you have to be firm and remain firm. She has to understand that he can't rock up at your place, she can't stay. She has to understand that you don't like/tolerate her drinking and don't want to socialise with her. I know it's hard, when you grow up with alcoholics, you are used to their weakness and you feel sorry BUT you have to be firm.
Author Biscous Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 Then you have to be firm and remain firm. She has to understand that he can't rock up at your place, she can't stay. She has to understand that you don't like/tolerate her drinking and don't want to socialise with her. I know it's hard, when you grow up with alcoholics, you are used to their weakness and you feel sorry BUT you have to be firm. Yeah my grandfather was an alcoholic. I didn't see it much but I know the behavior. Luckily he wasn't violent. He was just rarely around and a gambler. This girl's father she didn't know was an alcoholic. She should know it's not good when taking medication.
torturedartist Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I've been on and off with this coworker of mine. Things were cool. I saw her after work and she wanted to have dinner. She follows me and we get to the place. One thing I notice about her is that she always has a drink or two with her meal. So we were talking about an account that I was helping her team with, being the technical operations point of contact for it, and she was talking. I interjected a few times with "yeah" to her. Just something subconscious. She got upset "Stop saying yeah, it's like you are not listening". I gave her a bit of a smart ass answer and said that we work at the same company and we are talking about the same subject and account. I'm not ignoring you. Her "You can just go home". "You're not my boyfriend". This has been one of my issues with her for a while. She comes off as needy/whiny/emotional. She is REALLY into me unfortunately, but I cannot deal with her headcase issues and how she acts. It brings a side of anger that I don't like to show to people. She has commented on the "yeah" thing before several months ago and that's my way of listening. Could I have done something to be more attentive to her or was it just a case of her getting upset? Really I was drained from work also and I MAY have been slightly less attentive but I don't think I did anything wrong. Thoughts? What I keyed on in your OP was her statement, "You're not my boyfriend." It seems to me that if she considered you her boyfriend, she might be more open to your suggestions. Because she doesn't, she's fairly apt to tell you to go home and then spend her time on guys who are more "boyfriend" material, once you've gone home. Question: do you go home when she tells you to, or do you stick around like some kind of stalker? You didn't mention what happened after she told you to go home. This makes me believe you went home, as you were instructed, which effectively makes you her bitch. If you're her bitch, I suggest you start a new post describing a problem where you're some woman's bitch. If you don't like the sound of that, I suggest you stop starting posts where you describe yourself as some woman's bitch. Find women who don't consider you her bitch, and then start posts regarding the problems you're having with them. I hope that helps. 1
Author Biscous Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 What I keyed on in your OP was her statement, "You're not my boyfriend." It seems to me that if she considered you her boyfriend, she might be more open to your suggestions. Because she doesn't, she's fairly apt to tell you to go home and then spend her time on guys who are more "boyfriend" material, once you've gone home. Question: do you go home when she tells you to, or do you stick around like some kind of stalker? You didn't mention what happened after she told you to go home. This makes me believe you went home, as you were instructed, which effectively makes you her bitch. If you're her bitch, I suggest you start a new post describing a problem where you're some woman's bitch. If you don't like the sound of that, I suggest you stop starting posts where you describe yourself as some woman's bitch. Find women who don't consider you her bitch, and then start posts regarding the problems you're having with them. I hope that helps. I'm not her bitch haha. It's a case of that she is REALLY into me and I'm not as strongly into her. She said a few days ago after a concert when I was picking her up that she was getting into her "boyfriend's" car (i.e. me). Also she kept saying that I don't love her. I have been on and off for her for some time and her biggest frustration is that I haven't made her my gf. Party my fault yes but she has red flag. I left after we got into it. Plus she bought some food and a drink and I wasn't sticking around to pay to be quite honest.
hoping2heal Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 I think she is in love with me but I don't like how she responded. Now she's trying to ignore me. I'm usually attentive but I knew I was a bit tired. Still. People react in ways they may not normally when they feel like the love is not reciprocated. Not saying she was right to behave that way BUT is she always this way? With others too and not just you? She could lack the skills to express what she wants from you and instead she takes her anger and frustration out on you. Could that be what's going on here?
Author Biscous Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 People react in ways they may not normally when they feel like the love is not reciprocated. Not saying she was right to behave that way BUT is she always this way? With others too and not just you? She could lack the skills to express what she wants from you and instead she takes her anger and frustration out on you. Could that be what's going on here? Not to throw her under the bus, but she takes anti anxiety meds. I haven't dealt with a person who has been on medication. Also adderall to focus at work. I also mentioned the need to drink when she goes out. I will honestly say when she does sit down and talk about things when she isn't mad she can convey them well. Her job consists of that. It's just the outbursts I cannot handle. Perhaps its love unreciprocated and she may sense that I'm not as into her or something, which again I cannot force.
hoping2heal Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 Not to throw her under the bus, but she takes anti anxiety meds. I haven't dealt with a person who has been on medication. Also adderall to focus at work. I also mentioned the need to drink when she goes out. I will honestly say when she does sit down and talk about things when she isn't mad she can convey them well. Her job consists of that. It's just the outbursts I cannot handle. Perhaps its love unreciprocated and she may sense that I'm not as into her or something, which again I cannot force. Okay, you're not that into her and you can't handle her as you say...I get it. Why continue to "on and off" anything with her?
Author Biscous Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 Okay, you're not that into her and you can't handle her as you say...I get it. Why continue to "on and off" anything with her? Legitimate indecisiveness. Weighed in the pros and cons and my own character. I wasn't as strongly physically attracted to her which caused some guilt also.
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