sliptheotter Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Hey there everyone on LS. First I'd like to say ive been lingering on this site for a very long time, coming here when I am heartbroken and knowing I am not alone in my situation, so saying that I'd like to say thank you to everyone for helping me get through my tough time! I decided to make a profile because I am severely distraught and would like to share my story, some of it is to give hope and the other part of it is because I am truly lost. Ok so here goes. (I am 25 btw) over two years ago I met a girl in an adult chemistry class so I could become a paramedic. We never talked but we would look at eachother and I had a feeling she liked me lol. Nothing came from it but to me she was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever come across in my life. Flash forward to about a year and I found her on pof.com and thought I'd shoot her a message asking her if she remembered me. Things progressed from there and about 2 months later we were dating and I truly thought she was everything I could want in life and was absolutely in love. (we started dating feb 2013) She ended up breaking up with me through text on january 12 of this year and I was completely broken. I thought I would never find someone like her and was really not myself for a few weeks after the breakup. As soon as she dropped the bomb on me I removed her from all social media and initiated NC, which was broken a few times when I was drunk on the weekends and sad, to which she never replied but I was alright with that..I just didnt read what I wrote too much and went on with my life. As time went on I would go to the club every weekend and met a lot of different people, but most importantly I was slowly forgetting about her and the only things I tried to let myself remember was how rude and mean she was to me throughout the relationship. It got to a point where I unblocked her on social media and didnt give a front door about what she was doing or WHO she was doing. Let me remind you I was broken beyond what I had ever been before, but NC was my best friend and it helped me achieve full indifference. Although if she texted me right now, I would actually be curious as to what she is up to and I'd be friendly, but no chance I would want her again. That ship has sailed. Okay now here is where the current hurt comes from. During my weekends I'd frequent two different bars and every friday I would go to my favorite one. I met a girl there and thought she was beautiful but didnt care too much about it or thought ANYTHING of it. I saw her there maybe 2-3 times and it was whatever. One day I wake up on a monday morning and I see a message on pof.com (I have a profile purely for entertainment and do not use it as a way to meet girls) and its from this girl and she says "hey its leonardo dicaprio, I hope you dont hate me now :P" (apparently some people think I look like him haha, anyway) I reply and she says she has a picture of me from the club and i gave her my number and she starts texting me. Still at this point I really thought nothing of it, I texted for the whole week and I thought hey why not ask her to hangout and play pool or something, so I did and she agreed. It was also my birthday at the club that friday and she said last minute she was gonna go. While we were at the club I saw her a few times and at the end of the night I asked her of she wanted to come back to my buddies place with her friend. She did and then her friend left, we went for a walk outside came back and things led to sleeping together. When we woke up in the morning she was quick to ask me if that changed anything and to be honest I said no because I'm not one to ditch someone after sex. I dropped her off at home and picked her up later for the date we planned. We played pool had a great time and then she came back with me to watch movies and ended up sleeping over. I didnt try to have sex with her because I thought maybe I could really like this girl and did not want to send her the wrong signal. After that night she tweeted that she felt like a little girl all full of feelings and I felt she really was starting to like me. The next few weeks were a lot of fun, she would sleepover on weekends, we would hang out during the week sometimes, we went out and did a load of fun stuff because I didnt want to have a boring relationship (even though at the time we were just dating and I learned from past relationships that you dont have to spend money to do stuff, but try not to let things go stale. I was spontaneous all the time and she loved it) A month after we started talking I told her to be my girlfriend after I started really liking her, and she gladly agreed. But one thing I must note is that while we were dating I was thinking of telling her I dont want anything from this and we could hangout and stuff but nothing would come from it. Partly because I usually had a strong feeling going into past relationships and felt that maybe I would end up hurting her and also because I was my own number one 100% and didnt need anyone at the moment. We got along like nothing I had experienced before, and she was my 6th girlfriend. I would pick her up from work sometimes, take her out of the city to my dads in the country (which he saw there was magic between us), everything was a blissful paradise. I woke up every morning smiling and perceived the world as a brighter place. She also made it very clear I was the same for her. About 2 months after starting talking it hit me that I loved her, but I didnt tell her because I wanted to wait, or until she told me (I've never said it first) And I know you may think that it wasnt love, but I assure you, I've felt it before a few times and even at earlier times, and once I felt it, as long as reciprocated, my love stayed. Then one day I felt a twisting feeling in my gut. we talked the same but something felt off. We still were 100% around eachother, went on fun dates, had amazing sex, but something was twisting in my insides. She kind of started to slow down texting and the weekend before the break she didnt sleepover as usual. Now let me note I am not a needy/clingy/controlling guy. I let my girl do her thing and I do mine. If we go out to the bar together, I'll see her a few times but I let her do her thing with her girls. I am 100% confident I did not display signs of anything wrong because I learned from old relationships and self growth that that is not someone to be in a healthy relationship. eventually on day (2.5 months after we started talking) I got home and she had not texted me that day. I said "I need to talk to you" mostly because I wanted to communicate this feeling I have about her acting strangely. She replied with "Me too" and from there I knew it was done. I immediately removed her from every social media and her number as well and have been NC since. The thing that hurts the most is I felt so alive and finding someone after my last ex when I felt hopeless, and then that being gone has destroyed me. I was high as all hell and the carpet has been ripped from underneath me. I have always reflected on my contribution to breakups in the past but for this one I genuinely have nothing... I cant even use anything bad about her to help me move on because there was NOTHING... I know some of you might say that "It was only short term" But thats not true.. I have never experienced something like this and now that its gone I am so down and out. I wish I knew what went wrong.. I am doubting myself now and I dont want to be that kind of person. I got blindsided and I feel empty now. My only guess is that maybe someone else caught her attention, and even thought I dont want to think of that possibility, It IS a possibility. How can I even enter another relationship knowing this? Knowing that no matter how good things seem that someone can change suddenly and you have no control over it.. Thank you so much for reading, sorry if it was long, but I have a real lousy support network and its nice to get this out there to people who care.
mightycpa Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 well, consider the alternative... alone and weird and afraid... no good the younger you are, the more likely that is to happen... not that it doesn't happen when you're older, but there are less available men and women, and your priorities change, and you learn. you get out there, and don't look for anything. just date, it's really nothing more than getting to know people. it doesn't always result in love, and it doesn't always work out, but somehow, for most people, you find yourself at the right place and the right time.
Philosoraptor Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Love is fun, ain't it? Learn from the experience, but know it's something you can find. And if you found it once; with patience you can find it again. Just take your time, enjoy yourself, and wait for the right person to pull your heart strings the right way.
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