Author futuregopher Posted July 19, 2014 Author Posted July 19, 2014 You don't want to be her boyfriend. You want to be her life coach. I got a feeling that one day, she'll get her job with a good pay, go to the gym and get a body to die for, then eat all the cup cakes real fast, then wake up at 9:00 AM sharp, barf on you and tell you to hit the road and then tell your friend who got irritated with her to go F*** himself. I thought the point of a relationship was making each other better people and growing together? So I would actually preferred that she do all of the things you just said. And I'm fine if it ever gets to that point where she gets a great job, body, whatever, etc because I think I'm more than holding up my end of the deal...it's not like I'm jobless asking her to get a job... I'm making $90k (although this is nothing in NYC as some 24/25 yr olds make nearly double my salary) and it's my 2nd year out of college so it's not like im being unreasonable for wanting a more successful, alpha type of woman? I'm not scared of a girl who is more successful than I am. I'm constantly improving myself as a person because like I said before - I hate complacency. If it ever gets to the point where I'm not holding up my end of the deal of the relationship, I have no problem in her leaving me because it's not fair to her and I'm a grown enough man to realize that.
bentleychic Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 You've named so many major things you don't like about her that this one is easy: she's not for you. Break up and you can both go on to find someone more compatible. She's realistically not going to be able to change most of these things to any substantial degree, even if she really wanted to. I agree completely. You've not been together long enough to hate that many things about her. Don't waste any more of her or your time. End it now and move on.
Author futuregopher Posted July 19, 2014 Author Posted July 19, 2014 I agree completely. You've not been together long enough to hate that many things about her. Don't waste any more of her or your time. End it now and move on. The previous girl I was dating left me after 2 months because I just couldn't give her enough attention because half the time we were together, I was working 80 hour weeks and things got too routine too fast so she left me. I know how bad that feeling is when someone leaves you after only two months so wouldn't it be mean of me to not at least give it a longer shot? Wouldn't I be hypocritical in leaving her after dating 2 months when I was upset that someone else left me after only dating 2 months?
LoveIsMyReligion Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Have to chime in, OP are you dating my ex? The only reason I think he's dating this girl is because she is very good looking, am I right? Yeah you might work more than her, make more than her, dress nicer, etc.. but who is this show for? I've dated gorgeous woman with whom I had to work my ass off in-order to try and shape them to be the type of person I wanted; in the end it never works out. If you actually truly cared about this person you wouldn't give two ****s if they showed up to a date wearing a trash bag and some slippers because in the end all that matters is that you are happy, not what everyone else thinks of you. 1
lollipopspot Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 I see so much potential in her as a person that I don't want it to go to waste even if it's not with me. - I think it's safe to say that it's good for her to have a job and she has been making progress. She's been going on interviews so I'm proud of her for that. - Making an effort to wake up around 9AM (You guys may think this is a bit harsh for me to expect her to wake up at a reasonable hour but it's my personal belief that you should wake up at a reasonable hour to get accustomed to the new job. It's simply lazy to waste so much time in bed even if you don't have a job) O.k., dad, I'll try to get up early and live up to my potential.
Eivuwan Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 I thought the point of a relationship was making each other better people and growing together? So I would actually preferred that she do all of the things you just said. And I'm fine if it ever gets to that point where she gets a great job, body, whatever, etc because I think I'm more than holding up my end of the deal...it's not like I'm jobless asking her to get a job... I'm making $90k (although this is nothing in NYC as some 24/25 yr olds make nearly double my salary) and it's my 2nd year out of college so it's not like im being unreasonable for wanting a more successful, alpha type of woman? I'm not scared of a girl who is more successful than I am. I'm constantly improving myself as a person because like I said before - I hate complacency. If it ever gets to the point where I'm not holding up my end of the deal of the relationship, I have no problem in her leaving me because it's not fair to her and I'm a grown enough man to realize that. Look, you have to understand that just because you have those values of great job, great body, etc doesn't mean that everyone has to share those values or believe that those things make someone "better." It's better to find someone you're compatible with than try to change someone. I thought people wanted to be understood and accepted in relationships.
Eivuwan Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Also trying to change people for their own good is obnoxious and just isn't healthy especially in a new relationship. My first bf tried to make me dress better and exercise more because those were his values. I resented it. I tried to make him a more considerate and kind person, it didn't work. Lolz. At the end of the day we both felt patronized and unaccepted by the other. Just find someone who is like yourself.
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