KMA Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 I posted my story about 6 month earlier in this Forum http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/455613-suspecting-my-wife-cheated-15-years-ago : it was about wondering and investigating if my wife cheated 15 years ago (or I started to suspect at some other time interval too ...). I'll not repeat the whole story here. I'm 44, she is 42, this year we'll celebrate 20 years of marriage, we have a beautiful 6 years old daughter. We both look much younger (people easily can say we are in our early thirties), well-trained, we are both quite attractive, we are both successful professionals, financially well, travel a lot for pleasure, and we have a great sex life, or if i'm honest ... in the last months not so great... 2,3 times per week I initiate and it seems in many cases she complies ... not so active (even starts to turn to a formality), she says depressed by work overload and work problems (not entirely invented). My investigations of the past events (15 years ago till present time, sounds like from "the Iron Age till present time":laugh:) found some interesting aspects and facts but nothing conclusive. I'm a systematic guy, I never confronted her with any half-evidences (everyone here says - do not confront a spouse for alleged cheating without solid evidences, I agree). My gut feeling is another thing, but gut feeling is not a scientific term :-) However, during the last 6 months (since my post here and my useful discussion with fellow members) some things happened. I just ask for opinions. 1. Our sex life is going on only on my insistence. She even doesn't orgasm so frequently, seems doesn't care much, reduced her spectrum of practices after so many years of good diversity without any explanation. No medical or other recognizable circumstances. 2. Recently, in bed, when attempting some kind of dirty talk, she told me something like "but what do you want, your dick is just average":eek: Again, if she has declared in the middle of the sex act "I discovered antigravity", I'd be less surprised: - to hear this from your life-long partner, seemingly nearly always super satisfied by your sex performance; - to hear it from a wife that rarely/never discusses dicks, etc and whom culturally etc. knows very well that sex is about much more than sizes; - by the way, I never had any problem with self esteem even in this area: I'm a little bit over 7" erect, with a good girth (5.5", haven't measure it from my time as a teenager, but for seek of scientific evidence I measured it after this "talk"), both parameters well above average I believe, I can control myself well, lasting 20-30 minutes at least, I can repeat always at least once and last even more. Never had any complain from other partners (before marriage, in marriage I have been strictly loyal), even less from my wife (till now). Then, another point: Where does she knows, since she was virgin when we started dating. She could have watched porno, but I don't believe much. Not this kind of person too; other movies? Girlfriends, but then how they measure/compare... strange. Seems as indication of some experience of hers. This about dicks, I left stupidly pass, haven't ask her what is her sampling... 3. Again recently, in bed she says "Strange how most guys make similar noises when they cum":rolleyes: When I recovered, I asked "looks like you have a reliable sampling"... She only giggled. 4. Recently, she told me, out of the blue: "You are not much as husband, you are much more like long-life dear friend":sick: This time, I asked her why she thinks that. She said "I don't know, possibly because you are always very understanding to me never impose yourself :-))) Than corrected herself, "No, no, it's not that, I actually don't know why I say that, forget it":( I don't know, we had our problems as young couple due to parents interference, but we have been always very close, I think. Then, the person I believe she had been cheating with 15 ago, is 15 yeas older than us - a very imposing macho, so no democracy and no much tolerance if a girl is with him, I can imagine (could be exciting for some gals for some period of time only, I can guess)::: 5. Recently, when I protested (again as semi-joke) about decreased frequency/quality of sex, she said "we are getting old, what do you want, and you read books in the evenings instead of talking to me, than you want sex afterwords" ... puzzling... we talk as much as always ... I only read book she watches movies... what that has to do with what happens when we go to bed? Any comments and advices are welcome (If you have patience to read my post from January, you will get a better context). Just one more point. Our current life style (work together, travel together) is such that ANY CURRENT (and for the last 7 years) CHEATING as an affaire IS VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE (except one-offs, but she is not that kind of person), I'd believe easier that she communicates with extraterrestrials than having any one-off one night stand or whatever like that. And NO, she has NOT discovered that I investigated her to the point to dismantle old computers and take hard disks for analysis. And again, NO, I'm not searching for justification for cheating myself. Never have done it since I love my wife, but if I decide, I'll not need such justifications.
Bryanp Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 I think the average size comment and all man make the same sound when they orgasm is a smoking gun. Her comments are intended to belittle you. For many this would be the time to start talking to attorneys to understand your options. 5
bubbaganoosh Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 If it was me, the next time you had sex with her, I would get it over with as soon as possible, then lay back and stay silent for a few minuets and then tell her that she needs to do some kegel exercises because she's getting really loose. If she gets pissed then tell her, "Hey, your pu$$y's just average and let her feel the sting. Friend of mine got pissed at his wife because she said he wasn't big enough at times and he said maybe your just getting loose. Her reply was that a woman could close on a pencil and he replied, "yeah maybe when you were in the third grade". Seems to me that your wife is giving you subtle hints that she's going to the wrong side of the tracks. I would be keeping an eye on her and one more thing. You don't have to take the put downs she throws out at you. Maybe you should let her know that if she isn't happy, she's more then welcome to find new digs somewhere else. 5
dichotomy Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 I am confused. 1) Your dealing with the possibility of a discovering a 15 year old affair. But sex from back (if it happened)then till now has been very good and active. Many married couples have sex 1 or maybe 2 times a week. 2) Sex and attitude from her have taken a nose dive right now. So do you think she is having affair now ? Or that she sees you acting not so good - giving her attitude and she is throwing it back? or what? Certainly your dick size (if 7 x5) is above average and not the issue as many women (and men too) would be very happy with an above average dick like yours. 2
tom670 Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Get the book "Married Mans Sex LIfe Primer. She has been giving you ***** tests. Anyway read it.
jjsk Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 The affair seems really far fetched judging by these comments. Especially considering that she got dick sizes wrong lol. Her hormones can be a little lower now making her less interested in sex. I would drop investigating and suspecting your wife or it would drive you nuts and destroy your connection. Even if something happened you are not likely to get a confession. My W had a few slips of the tongue similar to what you are describing and I confronted her. Nothing good came out of it.
karnak Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 2. Recently, in bed, when attempting some kind of dirty talk, she told me something like "but what do you want, your dick is just average":eek: Again, if she has declared in the middle of the sex act "I discovered antigravity", I'd be less surprised: - to hear this from your life-long partner, seemingly nearly always super satisfied by your sex performance; - to hear it from a wife that rarely/never discusses dicks, etc and whom culturally etc. knows very well that sex is about much more than sizes; - by the way, I never had any problem with self esteem even in this area: I'm a little bit over 7" erect, with a good girth (5.5", haven't measure it from my time as a teenager, but for seek of scientific evidence I measured it after this "talk"), both parameters well above average I believe, I can control myself well, lasting 20-30 minutes at least, I can repeat always at least once and last even more. Never had any complain from other partners (before marriage, in marriage I have been strictly loyal), even less from my wife (till now). In a previous post I stated a fact that even female sexologists seem to all agree upon: when a wife complains about her man's penis size (specially after years of pleasant sex) it's because there's something fishy going on. In fact it's a sign they're trying to end the marriage. As some posters here have stated: Beware! Your marriage may be at risk. 1
jackslife Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 On the surface this seems like a lot of paranoia over an affair that may or may not have happened sometime in the last century. Sex also appears to be pretty regular. However, you should be very concerned not about the past but about the present. Those comments are very, very suspicious. She is belittling your manhood, which is more than fun banter. It's as if she is almost asking you to challenge, asking you to look deeper into what she gets up to. In your shoes I'd get a keylogger and even employ a PI for a week to monitor her when you are not together. Even with no sign of an affair, her comments are from someone who isn't happy in the marriage. 3
jackslife Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Get the book "Married Mans Sex LIfe Primer. She has been giving you ***** tests. Anyway read it. What tests? Can you elaborate to save me having to buy and read this book?
oldshirt Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 What tests? Can you elaborate to save me having to buy and read this book? Wrong answer. Don't try to save a few pennies and an hour or two of reading. Get the books and check out the website of the same name. Athol Kay's books and website are on the money for what is taking place here. That site and his books are geared towards men getting their sexy back and reestablishing their partners attraction. I haven't read your backstory but what you have mentioned here NOTHING indicates any kind of affair to me. Sure if it later turns out she did you can look back and say that this explains it, but there is nothing here that is direct evidence of an affair or any kind of smoking gun. What it does look like to me is a middle aged woman approaching menopause that has been married to the same man for twenty years and is starting to decline in libido and starting to get somewhat bored and even complacent with her husband and her bedroom life. She may be bored and lazy and loosing interest and loosing some attraction for you but that is a pretty big leap to accuse her of cheating.
oldshirt Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 I don't even see the "average" comment as any kind of indication of cheating. If you've been bragging about your Johnson and bugging her to talk like a porn star and talk dirty to you when she's not in the mood for it, she probably finally got tired of hearing about it and made a little jab at boys and their toys. Again, a premenopausal middle aged woman who is starting to lose her libido and losing some desire and attraction for her husband and is getting lazy and complacent about her sexlife would say something like that after being asked for the 50th time how she likes his haaayyuuuuuge dck.
Just a Guy Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 KMA are you from the US or some other country? I ask because cultural factors may come into play if that be the case. I also asked because it seems to me that English may be a second language for you although I could be wrong. Be that as it may there are definitely some so called Red Flags in the kind of responses and comments your wife has made over the course of time. Depending on where you live you should do as some have advised and get a key logger and possibly a PI to check on her activities. How much time away from you does she get to spend on any particular day? If it is significant then you should investigate as discreetly as possible. Also you said that you had the hard disks of your old computers checked out at a hardware analyst. What did they come up with if anything? Was there anything suspicious at all to trigger your doubts? Has there been a significant downswing in your relationship, both as a couple and as sexual partners in the last six months? Do you have frequent/infrequent disagreements and are these muted or fairly explosive? Some of the answers may lead you to draw appropriate conclusions based on which you can plan your future course of actions. Whatever you do I wish you the best of luck.
oldshirt Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Now I'm not saying there isn't any problems here and I'm not saying that there couldn't be some major issues brewing. What I see here as the canary in the mine shaft is the "dear friend" comment. That indicates she is feeling comfortable and secure but is likely getting bored and losing sexual attraction for you. She is seeing you more as a friend and companion vs lover. The danger is this can lead to her developing a crush or a desire for someone else but isn't necessarily direct evidence that it has already occurred (but it certainly doesnt rule it out either though) This is where "Married Man Sexlife.." rules and this is why people are recommending that site and those books. This is likely a case of fading libido due to age, fading attraction and desire due 20 years of marriage and child raising and building a safe and secure and trusting home together (it is kind of a catch 22 that we build trust and security and comfort and that causes a decline in sexual response) An affair would explain some of these things in retrospect but none of this is actual evidence of such. The things you have mentioned indicate a middle aged woman losing some libido, losing some attraction and desire and getting a little complacent and not caring to stroke your ego just because you dig it. 2
oldshirt Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 Just one more point. Our current life style (work together, travel together) is such that ANY CURRENT (and for the last 7 years) CHEATING as an affaire IS VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE (except one-offs, but she is not that kind of person), I'd believe easier that she communicates with extraterrestrials than having any one-off one night stand or whatever like that. Now for the bad news - You are way off base here and couldn't be more wrong. Trysts with married women can occur in minutes and all they need is a few minutes of privacy whether it is in a car in the parking lot, a motel room on the way home from work or even a broom closet at the office. Married women are not like single women who need dates and dinners and moonlight walks on the beach to get to know someone. They have safety and security and support systems at home. All they need for an affair partner is that they trip their attraction triggers and this can take place under the veil of talking to someone at work or playing on a coed sports league or serving on a community project etc etc. Once one of them makes the nudge-nudge-wink-wink and gives the green light, it is game on. You may never fully know if she had an encounter in the past or not and after 15 years I'm not really sure you even SHOULD know. But you have some red flags in your relationship NOW and I think you should address those ASAP or you may be looking at future problems that are for real and not just a figment of your imagination or paranoia. 3
oldshirt Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 I posted my story about 6 month earlier in this Forum 5. Recently, when I protested (again as semi-joke) about decreased frequency/quality of sex, she said "we are getting old, what do you want, and you read books in the evenings instead of talking to me, than you want sex afterwords" ... puzzling... we talk as much as always ... I only read book she watches movies... what that has to do with what happens when we go to bed? This is also a very telling statement and potential red flag. This is her telling you that you have become complacent and lazy and that you need to get your sexy back. She's saying you are indulged in your own world and not connecting and bonding with her, but yet you want her to be a porn star and tell you how big and magnificent your dck is when you get into bed. My recommendations are to focus on your PRESENT issues in your marriage and not worry so much about what may or may not have happened 15 years ago. If you snoopped so much as to take hard drives in for analysis, I'd say you did your research. If that didn't turn up any hard evidence then it's time to focus on the present and head off any future problems. Get the "married man sex life " books and get on that forum on that site and address your current state of your married before you blow things now. 1
veryhappy Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 (edited) I'm a woman. You are insecure. Figure out why. Anything over 6" is just additional weight you need to haul. You are indeed above average, statistics can be found on Wikipedia. She was maybe trying to put you down. If you are the only man in her life, it's actually normal to take you as average as this is what she is familiar with. You last way too long and make a show out of it. Have been there with the long sessions and after 10 minutes it is just friction to dry out your area and cause a urinary infection. Keep it 8-12 minutes or simply ask your partner how long is good. Women do not usually think in terms of penis size and dream of hour long sessions, they usually cheat for emotional reasons. Simply go to your wife and ask: hey, how do you see our relationship? How and what would you change? Edited July 18, 2014 by cutedragon 5
Author KMA Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 Many thanks for all comments and opinions, I'll try to address all additional questions that emerged. dichotomy: Yes, sex during all these 15 years has been excellent, sometimes just good but mostly excellent and frequent (sometimes even during her period and even by her insistence) Last 6-9 months decreasing. I would not directly related it to the affaire 15 ago (if it happened), but it can be related indirectly, by remembering/dreaming again her previous experience with another guy and getting bored in the marriage. I don't suspect her in a current affair (although anything is possible in this Universe :-) This with the dick size, I understand as a symptom of something else. In fact, before marriage, I have had about 15 partners, in 2-3 cases got complains of being too big (avoided certain positions). Even with my wife, we never do her legs on my shoulders, it's immediately painful for her by hitting her cervix .... It's obvious, that if I had a sample of 100 lovers, for 2-3 "loose pussy" women even my size would be too small but that's not the case with my wife for sure. For me it's her boredom, and loving but not being in love with me tom670:Thanks for the reference: I ordered the book already. At least, since we already do not dedicate so much time to sex, I could "eat" the book for two evenings :-) jjsk: Right, that's my feeling. She is not easy with the confessions, no, no confrontations currently. jackslife: Yes, that's my concern too, that she asks for a challenge and I'm not sure what. I'm romantic with her (always been, but now more) and I'm hotter than ever, but she kind of does not notice much, seems... oldshirt: Many aspects you mention are super-relevant: At 42 she looks 32, very "sporty". She is 170 cm tall, 60 kg. big boobs, green eyes, dark hair, I'm madly in love with her more than ever. I also look 32, 5 times per week to the gym, etc. But looks that she feels the opposite way. I believe she is far from menopause, not only her looks and energy, but also genetics: her mother had her menopause at 55, her grandmothers also late. Doesn't look to me as hormones, more as boredom and (memory/dreams) for an affaire. Just a Guy: You are right. I' born to an Italian father and to a Swedish mother, spent my childhood in Brazil (where my father was an engineer for the FIAT factories in Sao Paulo, but Sao Paulo is full of people with Italian background; anyway, English is my forth language after Italian, Swedish and Portuguese. My wife is 100 % Italian. We spend most of our time in Sweden, and about 3 months/year in other countries, mostly Italy, but sometimes quite far way from Europe: US and New Zealand included.. Old hard disks showed Emails from her first (and only one before me) boyfriend, the older guy, birthday and Christmas cards, calling her a pet name and lasting for more than 10 years. He lives in Australia now, there is no easy way to meet. Short Emails without reference to love, sex, dates, but intimate anyway (as between very close friends). I bet she haven't seen him for the last 9 years or so. She never had penetrative sex with him before we started dating (she was virgin) but they have had heavy petting (before we started dating) at the least. 15 y. ago (and 5 in our marriage) she had many opportunities for whatever sexual experience with him she liked at that time. Main suspect. About sex life I described the downswing. As partners, no significant downswing. Sometimes, I mutter that she is tiring herself too much in work and takes things to literally and suffers (just concerned for her physical and mental health, trying to make her more philosophic. Sometimes, she mutters that I dedicate too much time to my hobbies (books as you already heard, and classic Italian cars, which consumes a bit more money than books but that's it, nothing unusual. oldshirt again: That's what makes me mad, to be taken by wife as a friend not so much lover. When I am most than ever crazily in love with her, I constantly fantasize for her, for all sexual excesses possible, kind of love renaissance. Somehow, she is now more attractive to me than when we were 25... probably it's my middle age.... and the feeling that we would not look so good and be so energetic for too long. At the same time, she doesn't sleep several nights due to some secondary conflict at work... One more thing: She is very very ambitious with respect to her career, recently things are not perfect at work for her and she suffers - I try to help her in any way, to convince her to open up her philosophy a bit but in vain (Her job and her income are not in danger, just the big prospects in her career). About cheating again, you are only right about cheating and married women - I do not picture her to do it on a back seat of a car, but life proves that men are more naive than women, so what I picture and imagine is not counting so much.
harrybrown Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 She does not seem to respect you. Have you asked her why she does not respect you? Respect yourself. Sorry you are going thru this mess. You do not want to stay in limbo land forever. Some day, you will have to find a way to move forward. Have you tried going to MC with her? Or getting a DNA test on the kids or having her take a polygraph? The comments about dick size etc, are red flags. I hope you are looking at her computer and her cellphones. Good luck, but this does not sound good. 2
karnak Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 oldshirt again: That's what makes me mad, to be taken by wife as a friend not so much lover. When I am most than ever crazily in love with her, I constantly fantasize for her, for all sexual excesses possible, kind of love renaissance. Somehow, she is now more attractive to me than when we were 25... probably it's my middle age.... and the feeling that we would not look so good and be so energetic for too long. At the same time, she doesn't sleep several nights due to some secondary conflict at work... About cheating again, you are only right about cheating and married women - I do not picture her to do it on a back seat of a car, but life proves that men are more naive than women, so what I picture and imagine is not counting so much. After reading everything you posted, it really seems that an ongoing affair is out of the question. But, as it happens so many times, it all may be that your wife is... starting to get tired of you. Just that. Even though she likes you and sees you as a good father and friend, she may be tired of being 24/7 with you. She may be considering the idea of being with another man. Or just being single again.
Realist3 Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 I'm not clear on what you are chasing. If you found out she had an affair 15 years ago, what would you do? What difference would that make TO-DAY? All of the time that has passed since then, all of the experiences you have shared, all of the history you have built... Just my opinion, but you seem a little too hung up on sex. I have probably said this before, but sex is the icing on the cake, not the bread and butter. I would suggest you try and connect with her on a more emotional level instead of worrying about satisfying your own Ron Jeremy dreams.
Realist3 Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 I'm a woman. You are insecure. Figure out why. Anything over 6" is just additional weight you need to haul. You are indeed above average, statistics can be found on Wikipedia. She was maybe trying to put you down. If you are the only man in her life, it's actually normal to take you as average as this is what she is familiar with. You last way too long and make a show out of it. Have been there with the long sessions and after 10 minutes it is just friction to dry out your area and cause a urinary infection. Keep it 8-12 minutes or simply ask your partner how long is good. Women do not usually think in terms of penis size and dream of hour long sessions, they usually cheat for emotional reasons. Simply go to your wife and ask: hey, how do you see our relationship? How and what would you change? This was the most poignant thing said in this thread. Your vanity screams insecurity! "I look 32. I'm the best I have ever been. I have a 7x5.5 inch cock. I work out 100 times a week at the gym." Dang, man, take a step back. Those comments tell me you have not grown up, and maybe she probably has. Start focusing on what is more important. 2
Author KMA Posted July 19, 2014 Author Posted July 19, 2014 Karnak: What you say can be partially true: she starting to become tired by me and by sexual needs ... I don't think she would consider easily to move on, she is extremely dedicated to our daughter and she is convinced that I'm the best father (said by her by several occasions) ... but that she tries to spend less time with me and especially to dedicate herself to the sex as it has been, yes ... looks like that. Realist3: OK, some vanity plays a role... but one is usually proud with his/her appearance, especially above 40. She is vain too, trains too, buys sexy clothes (and all this turns me on very much, I like her to be vain). Now, about growing up... also there is a point in this, she speaks of getting old but looks YOUNG (not my biased opinion, but her girlfriends speaking here)... I have a lot of sexual drive (YET), nothing bad I think that I desire her madly, only could be good, but seems like that's a bit ... you see ... a weight to her. Then, about the story 15 years ago: I have read about women (an men) too who cannot forget an affaire even after many years and dream about the partner they had long ago ... and this slowly destroys their current relationship. My direction of thinking is related to such stories ... not necessarily true ...obviously. To focus on emotional rebounding is a good advice, I try... and she is much distracted due to her career problems. But who loves, tries In addition, as you say I can be not entirely grown up (actually I even don't like the thought that I'm 44, I confess), but I'm intelligent, I know perfectly well that emotional bond is more important, sex comes at as a function of that, and I' not concerned about the sex only, but about emotional bond sarting to be a bit doubtful, or at least not what it was... and I'm very in love with her, that hurts...
Realist3 Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Karnak: What you say can be partially true: she starting to become tired by me and by sexual needs ... I don't think she would consider easily to move on, she is extremely dedicated to our daughter and she is convinced that I'm the best father (said by her by several occasions) ... but that she tries to spend less time with me and especially to dedicate herself to the sex as it has been, yes ... looks like that. Realist3: OK, some vanity plays a role... but one is usually proud with his/her appearance, especially above 40. She is vain too, trains too, buys sexy clothes (and all this turns me on very much, I like her to be vain). Now, about growing up... also there is a point in this, she speaks of getting old but looks YOUNG (not my biased opinion, but her girlfriends speaking here)... I have a lot of sexual drive (YET), nothing bad I think that I desire her madly, only could be good, but seems like that's a bit ... you see ... a weight to her. Then, about the story 15 years ago: I have read about women (an men) too who cannot forget an affaire even after many years and dream about the partner they had long ago ... and this slowly destroys their current relationship. My direction of thinking is related to such stories ... not necessarily true ...obviously. To focus on emotional rebounding is a good advice, I try... and she is much distracted due to her career problems. But who loves, tries In addition, as you say I can be not entirely grown up (actually I even don't like the thought that I'm 44, I confess), but I'm intelligent, I know perfectly well that emotional bond is more important, sex comes at as a function of that, and I' not concerned about the sex only, but about emotional bond sarting to be a bit doubtful, or at least not what it was... and I'm very in love with her, that hurts... It is because you are growing in different directions. Your first post in this thread was about sex, sex, sex sex,m how big/average my cock is..." Get over that crap, man. You are not lacking in the sexual dept., it is in her BRAIN, which is the largest sexual organ. I'm just saying you need to reconnect with her on a level that is not based on sex. You are dealing with a 40+ year old woman. She is not the same animal she was when she was 25. She has grown. To me it appears that her growth and your growth aren't matching up, and you haven't found the right way to deal with that. With that said it does take two. Focusing on the 15 year may or not be is a complete waste of time. Focus on the now. 1
Realist3 Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Listen to her. You say you are more in love now than ever before? Listen to what she has to say. 1
karnak Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 I don't think she would consider easily to move on, she is extremely dedicated to our daughter and she is convinced that I'm the best father (said by her by several occasions) ... but that she tries to spend less time with me and especially to dedicate herself to the sex as it has been, yes ... looks like that. Realist3: OK, some vanity plays a role... but one is usually proud with his/her appearance, especially above 40. She is vain too, trains too, buys sexy clothes (and all this turns me on very much, I like her to be vain). Now, about growing up... also there is a point in this, she speaks of getting old but looks YOUNG (not my biased opinion, but her girlfriends speaking here)... I have a lot of sexual drive (YET), nothing bad I think that I desire her madly, only could be good, but seems like that's a bit ... you see ... a weight to her. Then, about the story 15 years ago: I have read about women (an men) too who cannot forget an affaire even after many years and dream about the partner they had long ago ... and this slowly destroys their current relationship. My direction of thinking is related to such stories ... not necessarily true ...obviously. Yeah. Your situation sucks. And I can understand your suffering. It's complex. On one hand, contrary to what most guys think, a woman's libido increases with age. Because females produce more testosterone as they grow older, unlike us men. So the idea that she lacks a sex drive is wrong. But, unfortunately, there's something on her mind that isn't allowing her to "bond" with you. Be sincere and strong. Ask her what is the matter. Be prepared, though, there may be some things you won't like to hear. But you have the right to know what is happening. Honesty is always the best way. 1
Recommended Posts