ain5053 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I would like to hear your stories... Good or bad. I am contemplating on telling my boyfriend I love him for the first time, but honestly am terrified in case he isn't ready to say it back yet. I have said it first in my past relationship, but only at the point where I knew for SURE he felt the same way. This time, there are all the actions that say "love" to me, but no verbal hints. I am scared but would like to get it over with and tell him. Should I wait for him to say it or should I go for it? Have any of you been in this situation?
Philosoraptor Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I asked my wife this and she said she was waiting for me. I asked her what if I would have been suppressing myself as well; she said she would have felt quite silly missing out because of her own worries. Moral of the story: Don't let someone else determine your future. Better to swing and miss than to go down looking. Just do what feels right for you. 4
yessy21 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Im going through this right now. I said I love you to him the other day and he said AW thanks. My heart sank so deep down my stomach I thought I was going to s*^*t it out. I told him because that's how I felt. I feel like he hints it out though. Im not going to say it anymore. that was already one bad experience and to be honest it kind of cracked my heart. I know it may be too soon for him and I but we spend everyday together since we started a couple of months ago. Good Luck... hopefully he feels the same.
Diezel Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 If you are doing it not because of the meaning behinds the words but because of the response you may or may not get, you are doing it wrong. 5
Author ain5053 Posted July 17, 2014 Author Posted July 17, 2014 Im going through this right now. I said I love you to him the other day and he said AW thanks. My heart sank so deep down my stomach I thought I was going to s*^*t it out. I told him because that's how I felt. I feel like he hints it out though. Im not going to say it anymore. that was already one bad experience and to be honest it kind of cracked my heart. I know it may be too soon for him and I but we spend everyday together since we started a couple of months ago. Good Luck... hopefully he feels the same. Ah that's exactly what I'm terrified of! His actions certainly say that he loves me... and he asked me to move in with him... and that our relationship is getting "serious".... But nothing like "i'm falling for you" or "I love you"... Sometimes I feel like he wants to say it, he will look me in the eyes and will say "Oh.. baby..." and then just stop. I don't know. I THINK he feels the same way... But I am afraid to risk it. I know its JUST words... It's just those 3 words... And it's silly that saying those 3 words may change your relationship with the person completely.... But that's how I feel and I need to know he is on the same page. I'm terrified he will just say "thank you" or something along those lines - and where do I go from there?..
Author ain5053 Posted July 17, 2014 Author Posted July 17, 2014 If you are doing it not because of the meaning behinds the words but because of the response you may or may not get, you are doing it wrong. Of course I want to say it because I MEAN it. And while I can't control his response, I do expect him to feel the same if he is as committed as I am.
Author ain5053 Posted July 17, 2014 Author Posted July 17, 2014 What if he doesn't say it back? Where do I go from there? We also work together (he is my superior) so I would like to avoid any awkwardness.
yessy21 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Just say it. and if he does what my bf did then screw it... at least you told him. it will eventually sink in on him whether he does or not. I'm acting like nothing ever happened to save face. but if he wants to move in with you that's special. but listen don't move in until your sure that's the cow you want to buy. or if hes the farmer and your the cow...w/e... you know what I mean. don't give the milk for free. that's the important part of give your milk to someone who will love it and churn it and make it into the best cheese ever. im hungry... and I need coffee.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I did it once without thinking....he said it back immedietly and then went on how he was afraid to say it first. 2
WhiskeyJack Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I had told my ex first after a year of dating. He cried and never said it back. But I didn't really care, I just told him "I'm going to continue to say it cause thats how I feel". A week later he said it back. If you want to say it go for it! 1
rocketman122 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Im going through this right now. I said I love you to him the other day and he said AW thanks. My heart sank so deep down my stomach I thought I was going to s*^*t it out. I told him because that's how I felt. I feel like he hints it out though. Im not going to say it anymore. that was already one bad experience and to be honest it kind of cracked my heart. I know it may be too soon for him and I but we spend everyday together since we started a couple of months ago. Good Luck... hopefully he feels the same. wow what a douche thing to say. If I didnt feel it or want to say because I didnt feel it, the least I would say is" I cant say I love you because its too early for me, but I have strong feeling for you and im crazy about, but it will comes soon, and then you wont be able to stop me" I did say I love you to a woman first once and she smiled but didnt say anything but then I said to her "I know you love love me and you dont have to say it because your actions show it" and she kissed me instantly. I knew she did, but aw thanks..wth. I feel in love with my ex the fastest. she put a spell on me haha I knew it the first time I saw her. it was magical. well, we were in her car and she said "geez what will I do with you" and I said "doesnt matter what but just love me" she said "I already do" and I immediately said it back. I said that I was afraid to say it first. 2
Author ain5053 Posted July 17, 2014 Author Posted July 17, 2014 wow what a douche thing to say. If I didnt feel it or want to say because I didnt feel it, the least I would say is" I cant say I love you because its too early for me, but I have strong feeling for you and im crazy about, but it will comes soon, and then you wont be able to stop me" I did say I love you to a woman first once and she smiled but didnt say anything but then I said to her "I know you love love me and you dont have to say it because your actions show it" and she kissed me instantly. I knew she did, but aw thanks..wth. I feel in love with my ex the fastest. she put a spell on me haha I knew it the first time I saw her. it was magical. well, we were in her car and she said "geez what will I do with you" and I said "doesnt matter what but just love me" she said "I already do" and I immediately said it back. I said that I was afraid to say it first. That's a cute story... Some people are easier to read than others and some love comes faster than others... My ex and I fell in love on the first day and said it a month later. My relationship now took a little longer to progress, and I still don't know if it's "the time"... Sometimes I want to say it at the most random times - for example while car washing or grocery hoping, something silly. Hey, I love you. 1
longjohn Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I broke out the L word to my ex after we'd lived together for a short time. She didn't quite believe me at the time. I should have believed her and went the other way saving myself a lot of time and grief LOL. My current gf and I basically got to the L stage very, very fast which is quite strange to me. We got there at about the same time it would seem. We appear to be on the same train of thought. Having said this, as a man I don't toss around such emotions very easily nor do I move in with anyone for any reasons other how I feel about them. 2
Damaged217 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I had never been the first one to say it because I wasn't sure what I was feeling at the time. But with my current boyfriend, I actually said it first because I knew I was in love with him and I knew he was probably in love with me. I was trying to hold off from saying it, but one day I was just so overwhelmed with love that I couldn't help myself. Luckily, he said it right back. I would just TELL HIM! If he doesn't feel the same way, that doesn't mean he won't. Some guys just take longer to say it because they are chicken or need more time to evaluate their feelings. I think of it this way, what if something terrible happened to him tomorrow and you never told him you loved him? You would completely regret it. Sure, you might regret telling him you love him as well, but I would rather regret things I did instead of things I didn't do. That's just me. 2
Omei Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 He's asked you to move in together? Are you going too? How do you feel about moving in while working together also you will have to make some kind of routine for space most defiantly. Anyway if you do move in why not wait till after a few months of living together before you say it couples always reallllly find out if they are compatible living together. It would be more meaningful then too. 1
leavesonautumn Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I've only said it first once and didn't even get a response. I didn't do it right though, I did it through a facebook message like what was I thinking, I just don't.. He didn't even say anything back and didn't say anything in person. Ah well. We weren't very compatible anyway. Anyway, make sure you say it in person if you do. With my other boyfriends, they said it first. They both actually said it before we were even exclusive. I was friends with one of them first and the other, we worked together for a few months before our first date. 1
Sunfire73 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 At 6 months in right around Valentine's day, I was expecting him to say it. He already write it down in the cards, birthday, christmas, Valentine's but he never said it yet. But he does show me he loves me. I said it first to him after Valentine's, because I cannot keep it any longer. He didn't say it to me back, but he just kissed me. He felt that I made him feel important. I was a bit disappointed, but saying it made me feel better. And I already felt he love me even if he hasn't said it so that was ok. Maybe he wasn't the vocal type. Anyway, 2 Weeks after I said it, he bought champagne, and said it back to me...he's just making it special for both of us. We celebrated that day when we're finally able to say it to each other. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 The 1st time I ever said I love you first was to a guy I dated in grad school We saw each other 5-6 days per week due to school so it was fairly intense, as only school based romances can be given the relative lack of other pressures. Anyway, about 3 months in, I couldn't hold back any more, so I finally said something that hedged my bets like "I think I'm falling in love with you." He responded I love you too & we went from there. The 2nd time was with my now husband & I actually had thrown the phrase around too casually. We were in a panic situation & he had just done something incredibly embarrassing -- he threw up on me & 2 of my friends that he just met. In a rush to literally get away from him I blurted "I love you but I have to get away from you right now." I said it more to try to help him feel not so awkward about what happened despite my immediate need to get away from him. As I was sprinting across a truck stop parking lot to get to a bathroom to clean up I heard "I love you too." Now we joke that the 1st time he told me he loved me was in Technicolor. 7
Author ain5053 Posted July 17, 2014 Author Posted July 17, 2014 The 1st time I ever said I love you first was to a guy I dated in grad school We saw each other 5-6 days per week due to school so it was fairly intense, as only school based romances can be given the relative lack of other pressures. Anyway, about 3 months in, I couldn't hold back any more, so I finally said something that hedged my bets like "I think I'm falling in love with you." He responded I love you too & we went from there. The 2nd time was with my now husband & I actually had thrown the phrase around too casually. We were in a panic situation & he had just done something incredibly embarrassing -- he threw up on me & 2 of my friends that he just met. In a rush to literally get away from him I blurted "I love you but I have to get away from you right now." I said it more to try to help him feel not so awkward about what happened despite my immediate need to get away from him. As I was sprinting across a truck stop parking lot to get to a bathroom to clean up I heard "I love you too." Now we joke that the 1st time he told me he loved me was in Technicolor. Omg, this is priceless. Adorable. Hahaha!!!
Author ain5053 Posted July 17, 2014 Author Posted July 17, 2014 He's asked you to move in together? Are you going too? How do you feel about moving in while working together also you will have to make some kind of routine for space most defiantly. Anyway if you do move in why not wait till after a few months of living together before you say it couples always reallllly find out if they are compatible living together. It would be more meaningful then too. Wow, you are the first one to say that.. I would assume that you would want to say "I love you" first, before moving in together.... I am okay with moving in because I already have been pretty much living at his place... I haven't been to my apartment in months, maybe just to grab something real quick.. But I don't want to rush it either. I am ready to say it and for him to say it! I think he wants to but is in denial because he is scared of rejection since he has been hurt in the past.
Do_The_Herp Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 What if he doesn't say it back? Where do I go from there? We also work together (he is my superior) so I would like to avoid any awkwardness. So what? He's still choosing to be with you, right? That means that he CAN and WILL say that he loves you, maybe it's just taking more time for him. Maybe it takes a long time for your boyfriend to truly know and feel that for someone else. Makes it all the better when it happens, hmm?
Elle1975 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I would like to hear your stories... Good or bad. I am contemplating on telling my boyfriend I love him for the first time, but honestly am terrified in case he isn't ready to say it back yet. I have said it first in my past relationship, but only at the point where I knew for SURE he felt the same way. This time, there are all the actions that say "love" to me, but no verbal hints. I am scared but would like to get it over with and tell him. Should I wait for him to say it or should I go for it? Have any of you been in this situation? Since he wants the two of you to move in together, tell him you love him, and see what he answers. I wouldn't move in with someone who might or might not love me. You want to know for sure.
carrie_o Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I have never said "I love you" first. I always had too many fears about saying it first. Apparently, I've been falling for some equally nervous guys because two said it in a text and one said it while drunk. (Guess which one I date when I was over 21 ) Now that I think about it, it is kind of disappointing that I have not had that vulnerable moment with my current and former loves... My advice would be to tell him. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I agree with Elle1975. If you are ready to move in, I don't understand the reluctance to say the words. Better you should find out that he doesn't love you before it costs you money to move in then back out.
Author ain5053 Posted July 17, 2014 Author Posted July 17, 2014 I cringe when I hear these accounts about a reluctance to express yourself with a partner because of....'whatever'. I would not be in that type of relationship with a man. It's a natural fear of rejection. Also since we work together. Otherwise I have no problem expressing myself and he knows it.. I always speak my mind. But this is something that's very important to me which may or may not have consequences and no matter what will change our relationship for the better or worse.
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