60% of married women cheat, 90% feel zero guilt, 45% stay in marriage

[Owl]

Ahhhh, 1 example. Guess I was wrong.

 

You do know that there are 314 million other people in this country, right? Many parts of the US are very conservative, such as the South, much of the Midwest, many parts of the West. I grew up in the Bible Belt of Michigan. The expectation by society is that you will get married and settle down. It is what it is.

 

It's great that your family bucked the norm. But for a LOT of people, marriage is more of an expectation than a goal or desire. To quote my ex after about 5 years of being together without being married, 'We either need to get married or move on'. That's not pressure?! Do you know how many people are faced with the same ultimatum? Wow.

 

OK...so your (ex) spouse was the one who pressured you?

 

OK...so congrats...we're even...1 example (of 3 people not pressured) vs your 1 example of 1 person pressured.

 

Do you have any idea how arrogant you're coming across? I asked a question about why folks feel pressured...you're trying to throw down.

 

You don't agree with me...that's fine. We don't have to agree. Let's keep it at that, shall we?

 

As far as "pressured"...my folks taught me not to give into peer pressure if I didn't agree with what others thought I should do.

 

And at the end of the day...most folks are (theoretically) supposed to be adults capable of making up their own damned minds. If someone doesn't agree with marriage...they're only setting themselves up for unhappiness.

 

I have NO issue with folks who don't believe in monogamy (although I do)...but I have tremendous issue with folks who use that as an excuse to either cheat or in any other way mistreat someone.

[thefooloftheyear]

I've got 4 adult children...1 is married, the other 3 are single, and not feeling the slightest bit of pressure to run out and find someone to marry ASAP.

 

Who is supposed to be supplying the pressure? Their parents? Not in our case. Their friends? Don't see it there either.

 

My kids all learned how to be self-sufficient first.

 

I never felt pressured to get married. I CHOSE to get married when I found the woman I loved. That was 27 years ago. Granted, all relationships go through ups and downs...hence why I came here 10 years ago...but the more you learn about how relationships work, the more you understand that's normal.

 

So...who, specifically, supplies the pressure on people to get married? Friends? Siblings? Parents?

 

Cause it didn't happen in my family growing up, and it's not happened in my kid's lives either.

 

 

For many people, some religious and some not(yes, even in these days of "enlightenment") if you want to have sex, then some people are going to have to tie the knot...How's that for some pressure??..

 

Aside from that, I think there was more pressure when I was in my 20's(mid 80's) then there is now...Most 20 somethings today, arent even paying their own rent or car insurance, so getting married might not be too high of a priority...

 

TFY

[RonaldS]

OK...so your (ex) spouse was the one who pressured you?

 

OK...so congrats...we're even...1 example (of 3 people not pressured) vs your 1 example of 1 person pressured.

 

Do you have any idea how arrogant you're coming across? I asked a question about why folks feel pressured...you're trying to throw down.

 

You don't agree with me...that's fine. We don't have to agree. Let's keep it at that, shall we?

 

As far as "pressured"...my folks taught me not to give into peer pressure if I didn't agree with what others thought I should do.

 

And at the end of the day...most folks are (theoretically) supposed to be adults capable of making up their own damned minds. If someone doesn't agree with marriage...they're only setting themselves up for unhappiness.

 

I have NO issue with folks who don't believe in monogamy (although I do)...but I have tremendous issue with folks who use that as an excuse to either cheat or in any other way mistreat someone.

Alright, let's rewind....

 

I stated that people feel pressured by family, society, partners et al to get married. By that I did not mean that ALL people feel pressured. There is a cultural component here. US culture is hardly homogenous.

 

If you're in NYC, LA, Seattle, SF, to some extent Chicago (where I live)....you're correct. There is not much pressure to marry. Maybe pressure isn't the right word...how about expectation?

 

Once you move away from major metro areas, the expectations change. The more conservative the area, the more heavily influenced by the church the area, the greater the expectation to get married is.

 

I gave you one example (me), but trust me...I can give you dozens more examples of people in my family, people I know, people I graduated from HS or college with, who got married largely because that's what you do. It's a cultural life milestone, and to be considered 'normal' in many social circles in this country, you kinda have to be married.

 

And then, as such, people put pressure on themselves to get married. A lot of people are terrified of the thought of going to work functions, social or family functions, weddings, whatever, and be the only person there not married.

 

Here are the facts: more than 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce. But those are just the ones where somebody actually had the gumption to get out of a bad relationship. That figure does not account for the countless other marriages that remain intact because of kids, finances, pressure from family/society. My ex's parents have been together for 39 years....but they don't like each other. At all. And they haven't since I me them 15 years ago. But they would never get a divorce. They are afraid of what people at church would think, and afraid of being alone, and all sorts of other weird stuff. But they are hardly husband and wife. They're roommates who occasionally get along.

 

Trust me....I can cite countless examples of people who got married because it was an expectation, and stayed married because it was an expectation. But how many of these people, ESPECIALLY men, actually really, truly wanted to get married? Probably a minority. And probably a relatively small minority.