This is my Story. Nothing but failed relationships 25 years old

July 17, 2014

I will forewarn you this will be a kind of a long post, but none the less many of you guys might find it interesting.

Officially dated my first legitimate girlfriend when i was 23. Dated her for a year and a few months. She wanted to marry me but due to things I didnt like about the relationship, I decided to end it. Three months later I met another girl and here are where my insecurities start. I will do cliff notes to shorten this up.

I met her and she fell over heels for me. However she was bipolar. Honestly, I was a rebound with this girl and she played with my emotions. Part of it probably because of her mental disorder and the other part probably because I was her rebound. She ended up going back to the guy 2 months after she met me. Needless to say she really hurt me. (Really pretty girl by the way).

During that time that I was talking to her, I met another girl that I initially didnt care for since I was talking to this girl. Fast forward 5 months and she starts initiating contact with me. I had no interest in her because I was still hung up on the other girl. Well eventually I developed feelings for her and she did for me but heres the problem. She was hung up on this guy that she had not dated. Atleast thats what she said. turns out she never officially dated him but she had a history with him. Well we kissed, and she said she didnt feel a spark that she didnt feel love like she did with him. I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes but that she wouldnt tell this guy cause she didnt want to hurt his feelings. Well I found that kind of odd and I was like no ive been through this situation before so I broke it off. I told her not to contact me until she talked to the guy and told him that she didnt have feelings for him.

Well its been 6 weeks no contact and I doubt I will hear from her again. And thats fine. I mean I cant force someone to love me just like my ex that wanted to marry me couldnt make me love her. In fact, the more she begged the less attracted I became. So I know not to ever beg a girl if she doesnt have those feelings because I would become less attractive to them.

Heres where I need your guys help.

Both these relationships were long distance.

What am i doing wrong to where I am attracting the wrong girls. It seems I attract liars, manipulators, girls that are confused etc.

These girls are both 19 and 20 years of age. I am an extremely nice guy but I am no pushover. I stand for what I believe.

I am 25 and my biggest fear is that I will end up alone. People keep reminding me that im 25 and that in five years I will be thirty and that my time is running out. This honestly makes me insecure and I need your guys advice even if its blunt or too honest. I mean you guys dont know me so I would assume that I would get unbiased opinions and answers.

I dont know what it is about me where I can attract pretty girls however I cant keep them (my ex being the only exception). But all other girls are pretty attractive and they are attracted to me but I must be doing something wrong.

PLEASE HELP

July 17, 2014

Man, you're too worried right now. You're 25... oh noes! I met my wife when I was almost 26. Guess what, every relationship before that ended so I could have said the same thing "Nothing but failed relationships 25 years old".

Tip 1: Stop dating long distance. Find someone you can spend a decent amount of time with. It's hard to develop a lasting connection when too much of the conversation is over an internet connection.

Tip 2: Date someone closer to your own age. The younger you date the higher chance these people will flake (applies to both girls and guys) as they have growing to do still.

Tip 3: Turn off your brain and stop the thinking. You don't find the right person by trying too hard, just do what comes natural and you will attract the best possible matches.

Get confidence in yourself and just do what feels right. Focus less on finding your future wife and more on just getting to know people. Trust yourself to know when you've got to know the right person, then pounce.

July 17, 2014

Dude, you're 25, relax. I only had one relationship prior to being 25. The prime of your life is ahead.

July 17, 2014

You're 25 and people are telling you time is running out? That's insanity. There is no biological clock for a guy. At 25, time would certainly be running out for a girl though.

July 17, 2014

Everyone here who is single has had 'nothing but failed relationships' if you want to think of it like that.

Timewise... I kind of get where you're coming from. I always figured I'd settle down and have kids in my late twenties or something and spend the best years of my youth with the right girl. But you don't get to decide what fate has in store for you, you can only play the cards you're dealt as best you can. Worry about it when you hit 35 instead, that's what I tell myself And remind yourself that there are a lot of unhappy couples out there who rushed into the wrong thing too soon.

The only advice I need to give you regarding picking the wrong girls is this - when you meet a good match, things just work out almost effortlessly. You don't need to second guess her motives or 'put your foot down' at the right times. If things get difficult you're probably chasing the wrong girl. People soon show you who they are... Believe them the first time.

July 17, 2014

Thanks for the replies beforehand guys.

A few points I want to make.

The last two girls that I have talked to they are the ones that initiated contact. They showed interest first but they both weren't over their exes. I found this out with time. Why do I attract these girls? Am I an easy target? The last girl was gorgeous but aside from that she had a beautiful personality and was very Humble. The only problem with her is that she wasn't over her ex and she said she didn't feel anything when we kissed.

The reason I freak out is because I'm Hispanic and Hispanic culture people tend to marry young between ages 18-24. The problem with this is that most decent girls are taken by then since we Hispanics tend to marry young. I know I'm young by American culture standards but many Hispanics always ask me why I'm not married yet which does hurt my self esteem

I could have married my ex but I'm a really religious person and I want to be married to one and only one person and I want her to be the right person.

I get told I'm good looking and attract pretty girls but why can't I keep them?

Any thoughts?

July 17, 2014

You need to calm down. This fear is probably showing through & on some levels making you desperate which is why you are attracting these broken women. Like attracts like.

First you need to get over your past. Until you have fully recovered & healed you aren't emotionally available to move forward with a new person.

Now you have to actively look for somebody you like. You said these past 2 girls approached you first. That means you didn't choose them -- they chose you & apparently you just went with the flow because it was easy.

Turn the people who ask you while you aren't married into allies & resources. When they ask why you aren't married say because you haven't met the right woman & ask if they know anybody. Dating is a numbers game. You have to meet a lot of people to find somebody you click with.

July 17, 2014

Yes and ive been doing alot of self analyzing and i feel that i atract mediocrity because i have my own issues. Desperate i dont think i am Yet because if i were i would go for anyone. But sad and insecure i am because i have always been good ro these girls and many dont appreciate it so it makes me question if im a worthy person. I mean obviously if they chose other guys over me they might not think im that special

July 17, 2014

You can't let other people define you or determine your self worth.

If you know you are a quality person, you are.

July 17, 2014

Thanks for the replies beforehand guys.

A few points I want to make.

The last two girls that I have talked to they are the ones that initiated contact. They showed interest first but they both weren't over their exes. I found this out with time. Why do I attract these girls? Am I an easy target? The last girl was gorgeous but aside from that she had a beautiful personality and was very Humble. The only problem with her is that she wasn't over her ex and she said she didn't feel anything when we kissed.

The reason I freak out is because I'm Hispanic and Hispanic culture people tend to marry young between ages 18-24. The problem with this is that most decent girls are taken by then since we Hispanics tend to marry young. I know I'm young by American culture standards but many Hispanics always ask me why I'm not married yet which does hurt my self esteem

I could have married my ex but I'm a really religious person and I want to be married to one and only one person and I want her to be the right person.

I get told I'm good looking and attract pretty girls but why can't I keep them?

Any thoughts?

You're way too young to be worrying about this. I'm Hispanic myself and a woman and 30 and I am not freaking out in the least. I went through that panic in my mid 20s only because all of my friends were getting married and I felt like an oddball. Stop worrying about what people think. Tell them to mind their own business. You're doing the right thing. You're going to have through weed through a lot of girls to find the right one. Sometimes people get lucky and find them right away, but what you don't want is to let the pressure from others scare you into settling for someone who is not right for you.

July 17, 2014

Most decent women are taken between the ages of 18 and 24? Dude, some girls get the **** end of the stick, guys cheat, guys lie, guys don't treat them right (I've been this guy before and regret it alot). I'm dating a hispanic girl who has been in 3 relationships at 25 prior to me, 2 of them ended in cheating. Can I blame her for that, no. Just because they aren't very young doesn't mean they are not decent they are just playing the cards they are dealt. You never know. Maybe there is a diamond in the rough right in front of your eyes and just because you don't consider her decent you are missing out. No buddy is perfect and if someone claims to be then run.

Edited July 17, 2014 by SG19765

July 17, 2014

Thats what I tell a couple that married as soon as they turned 19. I was like, you guys are extremely lucky because it truly is hard to find the right person and marry them. This last girl in my eyes was the perfect girl because of her qualities. But the fact that she wasnt sure about me is what made me break up with her. I mean we all deserve the best and we cant settle. If I cant make her happy then someone else will.

Having said that to SG19765 yes I agree with you. However personally I have to have that physical attraction to the girl. She doesnt have to be attractive to everyone, but to me she does and that is very important to me as superficial as that might sound. And a humble girl is incredibly important as well.

I just wanted to have reassurance that at 25 im not the only single person out there. lol. Im not the type to have sex with girls or the type to play with girls so when I find a girl I truly like I give that girl my all. And maybe thats part of the problem but I like to think that the right girl will appreciate me giving her my undivided attention instead of her taking it for granted.

Which leads me to this:

The girl that I just broke up with, her ex would not give her any attention. She said she hated that but maybe girls do like that deep down because they take that guy less for granted since they see that his time is more valuable maybe? Maybe scarcity is what I need and maybe not be 100 percent available all the time?

July 17, 2014

Not being 100% available all the time is a good thing. Don't play games but don't subjugate yourself to somebody else either. You get to have and lead your own life. Putting yourself below somebody else all the time is not attractive.

July 17, 2014

Let go of all of these notions you seem to have about how things should be. There are no shoulds. Take it slow when you start dating and getting to know someone and give them time to show you who they are. If they play games or have BSC tattooed on their forehead... next. If they are fresh off a breakup or are still in contact with a recent ex, don't even consider them. One hallmark of BSC is being strongly motivated to secure another guy immediately, or needing a new guy in order to let go of the previous one. Don't date teenagers, or 20 somethings that still behave like teenagers. You haven't "failed," you're just getting schooled.

July 17, 2014

Thats my problem. I was always available. In fact one night we talked till like 530 in the morning. I know, pathetic but Im learning right? This was the first girl I ever did that with.

But yes, i was always readily available. In fact, I would text her all day, during work, gym, jiu jitsu, school, etc. But all this because I thought this is what women wanted, atleast the right woman, the girl that would actually appreciate that.

Salparadise what does bsc stand for? And yes thanks for the havent failed part, but I am getting my a** kicked. haha.

July 17, 2014

Bat s#it crazy. I think thats what you meant right? The bipolar one I will admit was BSC. This last one however was not. She was great actually but she didnt feel that "spark" that I think she was hoping she would feel.

She stated that she didnt feel the love like she did with the last two guys. That she didnt feel anything but horny. She didnt feel butterflies, but neither did I. But I thought that was with time.

July 20, 2014

I am a catholic and I believe that someone out there is made for you. As part of our faith, we pray for that person and eventually meet them.

A number of friends suggested joining online catholic dating FaithfulMatch | Seek the faithful - Find your Match

Have you tried online dating?

AnneG

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This is my Story. Nothing but failed relationships 25 years old

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