Author Justaguy30 Posted July 17, 2014 Author Posted July 17, 2014 My mother is a physiologist and bought a book for me while we were still together about BPD and how to deal with someone who is. I did some reading and then decided to share it with my then GF and she did some reading and told me the book was about me. If that doesn't scream BPD I don't know what does. She was so delusional she absolutely saw herself in me. Damn thing is I still miss her all the time. I hate her and do not want to be with her nor do I believe even if she was better and I got over the problems that I would want to but I still miss her. 1
Hoosfoos Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 My mother is a physiologist and bought a book for me while we were still together about BPD and how to deal with someone who is. I did some reading and then decided to share it with my then GF and she did some reading and told me the book was about me. If that doesn't scream BPD I don't know what does. She was so delusional she absolutely saw herself in me. Damn thing is I still miss her all the time. I hate her and do not want to be with her nor do I believe even if she was better and I got over the problems that I would want to but I still miss her. Eventually your feelings of missing her will be replaced with relief. The experience was brutal, Im sure, but its a blessing in disguise. You dodged a bullet. You'll realize this in time.
Author Justaguy30 Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 I think the worst part of the whole relationship was the amount of anxiety she was causing me. I would be sitting home with the kids waiting for her to get off work and she would be an hour late and wouldn't answer the phone and I would just be losing it. She claimed she was still at work and couldn't talk but that was a lie. I should have just left her because the fact was she wasn't interested in me anymore and the only reason she was lying to me to keep me around was she couldn't afford the bills and needed someone to help her with the kids. It was absolute torture but I think I am almost over thinking about it and the pain. When all of that passes I think my life will be pretty awesome actually. Everyone here is right, I dodged a bullet and thankfully I was smart enough to figure out what was going on. Had I been more laid back about it she would have done it for years we likely would have gotten married and had another child and then where would I be?
BC1980 Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 It's harder when you get dumped by a dysfunctional person who is basically no good for you. It's more difficult to get over it I've found. Your sense if reality and what is acceptable gets so twisted that you have to fight to get yourself back. 1
Author Justaguy30 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 I don't know why but I am feeling crushed again. Last night I was at a bar and ran into this guy I thought my ex was messing around with and we talked and it turned out that he didn't and then it just made me question everything again and I am feeling like I did the first week we broke up and its been months. I must have just lost my mind. This can't be normal. I am in so much pain today.
Author Justaguy30 Posted August 29, 2014 Author Posted August 29, 2014 Just an update to this whole thing, I have broken NC a few times and talked to her. It seems her life is still totally messed up, a friend tells me she is sad all the time and hates her life. I feel bad for her but hey its not my problem anymore. I realized that I just miss being in love and I really loved her but only because she made me by showing me how amazing something could be. Ill find real love one day or maybe I won't but at least I don't have to put up with that BS anymore. That was the worst experience of my entire life. I had never been so depressed or hurt ever! It will never happen again I know that. Tomorrow I am going to start my new life without ever thinking about this again. Its not going to be easy but I am going to make it happen.
Author Justaguy30 Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 I think one of the hardest things to get over is how she would go out and just screw people while I was doing nice things for her. I would be at home cooking her a special meal and looking forward to a nice date night with the person that I loved more than anything in the whole world and she would get off work and go **** someone while she knew I was making her dinner. Who the hell would do something like that. Or on thanksgiving or Valentines day or New years day. I guess someone who really doesn't give a ****. Those thoughts are very painful because those were times when I was trying really hard to do something nice for her because I loved her and she just **** on me. Maybe sex with other people was better, great go date someone else then. Why would you hurt someone like that? I'll likely never forget those things and those days. The worst part is you don't know if she has done it... I am absolutely sure at this point that she did do that. It makes my whole body hurt physically sometimes. There is pure evil in the world and I am in love with it still. I know you might wonder how someone could love someone who could do things like that. I am messed up
elseaacych Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Love is blind. All of us here have dated someone we're incompatible with, and some of us have dated some real pieces of work! So, while you may be down on yourself for feeling in love, or that you loved someone horrible, forgive yourself for that. It will make a world of difference.
Author Justaguy30 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 Thank you, I think I have made some serious progress this weekend. I think more than anything she screwed around on me all the time because I accused her of it. She is crazy like that, if you accuse her of something she will do it. In any event I am glad I am rid of her poison. She cheats on everyone BTW it wasn't just me.
Author Justaguy30 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 She was cheating on her husband with someone who she was cheating on and then cheated on them.. Get my drift, she is a sex addict and I feel bad for her. That can't be fun having to get screwed by different people all the time. I am guessing its tiring and kind of loses is spark after a while.
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