venusinlibra Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I posted here before and got great advice that I'm thankful for. After a first date, I did initiate more contact with the guy. We had more conversations, and he kept poibting out how much we have in common (we're definitely the minority in town with our liberal viewpoints). We both made it clear that we wanted to get to know more about eachother, and did just that through our conversatiobs. We had a few more dates, deep discussions, and things progressed. Last night, I went over to his place and we talked. Then it turned physical after we both agreed no sex that night, and promised to hold eachother accountable. I took the lead and he liked it a lot. Earlier he had mentioned how he went on another date, but he couldn't stop thinking about me. I said to him in the heat of the miment (bed) that he'd never be able to forget about me and that he met all of my criteria. He said he lived how I said it so confidently, and that he knew he'd never be able to forget about me, and I was it for him. He was just blown away and said he needs to process everything and his life would never be the same because of meeting me and he loved how i was a take charge kind of woman. There wasn't a relationship discussion, as I didn't want to press it then. I wanted to give him time so not to scare him. He hasn't reached out to me, and I haven't to him. I would, but have never come across something like this, and don't want to mess it up. Please share your thoughts and if you think I should wait for him to call me.
ThaWholigan Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Seems like things have progressed naturally to a degree, although I would caution you that some of the things that both of you may have said in the heat of the moment were just that - passions running wild in the heat of the moment. Sounds like it was a great time though! As far as him processing his feelings, some men need more time than others, but it would really depend on the context. Did he say this after things finished being physical? If so, then that may be a tad concerning but I wouldn't get too attached just yet if you're unsure about things. In the mean time, I don't see anything wrong with calling him - it doesn't have to be about the relationship or anything heavy - however, leaving him to contact you when he's ready will probably be revealing. If looking for a happy medium, maybe send a text. (BTW, I'm Venus in Cancer ). 2
Author venusinlibra Posted July 17, 2014 Author Posted July 17, 2014 Seems like things have progressed naturally to a degree, although I would caution you that some of the things that both of you may have said in the heat of the moment were just that - passions running wild in the heat of the moment. Sounds like it was a great time though! As far as him processing his feelings, some men need more time than others, but it would really depend on the context. Did he say this after things finished being physical? If so, then that may be a tad concerning but I wouldn't get too attached just yet if you're unsure about things. In the mean time, I don't see anything wrong with calling him - it doesn't have to be about the relationship or anything heavy - however, leaving him to contact you when he's ready will probably be revealing. If looking for a happy medium, maybe send a text. (BTW, I'm Venus in Cancer ). Thanks for your advice. Good to see a Venus in Cancer. The things he said about processing it and his attraction was during and after the event. He really liked the "take charge" attitude I had (which the attitude was unlike me). Its so hard not to reach out, but I don't want to be a nag, but then again don't want him worrying about me not calling. He had been a regular on the dating site, but hasn't been back in since the event. What do you mean about letting him contact me when he is ready will be revealing? That's what I'd like to do, but don't want to lose him.
ThaWholigan Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Thanks for your advice. Good to see a Venus in Cancer. The things he said about processing it and his attraction was during and after the event. He really liked the "take charge" attitude I had (which the attitude was unlike me). Its so hard not to reach out, but I don't want to be a nag, but then again don't want him worrying about me not calling. He had been a regular on the dating site, but hasn't been back in since the event. What do you mean about letting him contact me when he is ready will be revealing? That's what I'd like to do, but don't want to lose him. Because there is the possibility that he doesn't contact you. I didn't want to verbalize it too negatively! I don't think you have more to lose doing one or the other(calling or not calling). Its up to you . Just try not to be too invested in the outcome at this stage. Hopefully he's just as interested as you are, going forward. It sounds pretty positive thus far though. 2
Elle1975 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Men.. Women.. It gets a little serious and some of us need to evaluate our feelings and the relationship. Some people just go head first. I don't see it as gender based. 3
Versacehottie Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 i do think guys need time to process their feelings. More so than women as a generalization, especially at the stage you're describing (though some women do too) I wouldn't call him though. I think letting him take the next step would work best for you guys long run. Good luck 1
smackie9 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 The more you push for exclusivity the more they push you back. You had what 2 dates and you are already counting the days he says "I love you"? Time to take a break with that thought and let things progress naturally. You being here speaks volumes on your well I hate to say it, but your slight desperation? I will let you on a little secret.....to get a man eating out of your hand is to yes be confident so far great move, but add some femininity, and mystery. You can't be so in his face, trying too hard. You are right it will back fire on you. Men do like a challenge so please do not do everything to try and please or impress this guy. If you make it too easy or aggressively pursue, he won't get sacred, he will end up using you. Red flag alert, he is dating other people. Don't think for a min rolling in the bed with him will stop him from rolling in bed with someone else. Believe it or not guys are more complex than you think. To really win their heart is that you totally "get them", a strong understanding of who they are, their personality, and how you fit into their life. So go into this with an open mind. The sex might be great, you may seem to have a lot of fun, etc, doesn't mean you are going to get a relationship out of it. Take your time to get to know one another or it will just turn into FWB, booty call, F buddies etc. 2
carhill Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 OP, one thing I noticed is, with men who don't consistently and openly express their feelings, when a wave of emotion hits them they need time to process it or it comes out in a jumble. I noticed this most markedly when I was getting divorced and my male friends often didn't make sense when they were trying to be supportive. I had this sense that they were re-living their own D's and all that 'stuff' was coming out as a foreign language (to me). After awhile though, they sorted it out. Most of them would never let a female they weren't completely trusting of ever see them that way. Their wives, sure. Each man is different and processes his emotions differently and is unique in how stimulus affects his emotions. Part of the getting to know process is working through this stuff to see if his style is compatible with your style. With this being early times, just now dating and beginning to show physical affection, I'd just go with the flow and see how things go. Time usually reveals all truths. As an old, perhaps cliche, song opined, hold on loosely. Good luck! 1
smackie9 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Just to add if a guy thought there was great GF potential there would be no way he would mention being on another date with someone else....he would know better not to f things up. When they say they need time to think....they need to to get away OR there is someone else that may have more potential. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 well i agree with part of what smackie said. Since if he wasn't interested looks exactly the same as if he is just away processing his feelings, OP should cover her bases and keep dating others and proceed as if he's not there and not coming back. A guy who is away processing his feelings KNOWS he is taking a chance of losing you. The best thing you can do is cover your risk and date others until he's done processing and comes back wanting you. Plus there's the added benefit that doing so, puts a different vibe out there--you don't even have to mention it and I swear they feel it! Good luck 2
rocketman122 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Im thinking a few things regarding your question and not this guys specifically men and women are the same in this regard of processing feelings. I think women are faster to assess the man and whats he worth. some are fast some are slower. I do believe that while it may seem like people are "processing" in their mind, most know after a shirt time after, unless the person isnt experienced with dating isnt too tuned to himself emotionally. many people dont want to show their deep emotions and hold back, playing it "cool" to get the other to give in. also, because being fragile and open about their feeling in front of the other makes them seem weak and exposed and dont want their partner to have the upper hand on them. these are mind games and showing the person cant trust and be open with the other. when a person is open and honest and shows their feelings to me makes me want to love them more. I never use their "vulnerability" to make myself be above them. 1
Author venusinlibra Posted July 17, 2014 Author Posted July 17, 2014 Thank you, everyone, for all of the great advice. I wish I had waited another hour or so, but I wound up doing the hapoy medium and texting. He texted back immediately, and said that he had a bad day because he overslept for an important meeting at work. I felt like it was my fault, but he said it was his. I commented on how hectic my work was this week and said I'm ready for Friday and left it at that. I'm not doing anything else on this, and am continuing to set up other dates, but I really like him.
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