EddieB Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I was with a girl whom I loved so dearly for 2 full years. We were each other's first loves, had our first big things together, you know the type. During those two years she managed to crush my self esteem and my confidence, and being my first time in a relationship I let her trod all over me because I thought that's what being in love meant. We'd fight every month and I'd forgive and forget, until one day I had enough and ended it. This came as a shock to her. We had talked about marriage and kids and future all those two years, and she blamed her actions on thinking that we'd never break up. All the crying and begging and love jestures never made me change my mind. Fast forward 6 months later. I thought I had all my emotions in check and was on the ramp to the highway of moving on in life. I'd started a new job recently, moved to a new neighborhood, although a softspot for her remained. She called me and we decided to meet up and have a friendly talk since we ended things in a fight. That was my mistake. She made several advances and eventually broke down and told me how she can't move on and that even I'm running away from my emotions. And this threw me back into my old cycle of heartache again. We got back together, and immediately I regretted my decision, I'd be happy when I'm sitting with her but the second I'm alone I start remembering the things she'd said to me time and time again and how she belittled me all that time. Granted she has majorly changed, she respects me and I can see it in her eyes how much she values me back in her life, but I just couldn't move on. I have forgiven her, granted even forgotten the past, but I just can't go back to being in a relationship with her. I broke it off after two weeks of going back, crying and blaming ensued, but I was determined to move on. And now I'm sitting down missing her, my mind flooded with all those feelings of wanting her in my life. Part of it is the fear that no one will love me like she does, but the major part that hurts me more is the worry that I won't find someone that I love like I loved her. Why is it that when I'm broken off I want her but the minute I'm back I start rethinking my decision.
Scorpio Chick Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Because absence gives us perspective. It sounds like you had to make a tough decision to end it with her that initial time and I think, given her treatment of you, you did the right thing. Maybe you could give it one more good try with her, if she's changed? Especially since it sounds like you jarred her into realizing that she was taking you for granted. Maybe don't make any promises or even promise exclusivity until if and when you might want to. Another try doesn't have to mean it has to end in marriage, and that thought might be in your mind and putting undue pressure on yourself. Maybe just go out and have a lot of fun together and see where the chips fall?
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 This is very common & is infact because u love her but are not in love with her x
Author EddieB Posted July 17, 2014 Author Posted July 17, 2014 Because absence gives us perspective. It sounds like you had to make a tough decision to end it with her that initial time and I think, given her treatment of you, you did the right thing. Maybe you could give it one more good try with her, if she's changed? But my perspective changes literally instantly, I stare at the phone ringing for a ful minute and I don't pick it up because in my heart of hears I know getting back with her is not the right thing. But at the same time I miss her. I did give the relationship one more go when I got back with her for that brief period, but all I kept thinking about was how to end it again because the past kept popping into my head again. Honestly I feel like I know the right thing is to ignore and move on and forget her, but there are a thousand what-ifs floating in my head and they're destroying me They fill me up with so much anxiety that I can't think straight. If I called her up right now and gave her another chance I know that within 5 minutes I'll be filled with resentment from the past and will want to end it again. This is very common & is infact because u love her but are not in love with her x Hmmm, interesting. Could you outline the difference for me between loving someone and being in love with them?
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 I just see this quite a lot in RS's when its come to an end its a kinda you dont want them but you dont want anyone else to have them sort of thing. You love her because you were in love with her and there are residual feelings but you arent in love with her it just seems to be quite common part of letting go.. you dont want them when you are with them but you do when you arent.. you have tested the theory, you tried and its okay to feel sad and miss her you had good times together but what you had is gone x 1
Author EddieB Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 You love her because you were in love with her and there are residual feelings but you arent in love with her it just seems to be quite common part of letting go you tried and its okay to feel sad and miss her you had good times together but what you had is gone x Pure words of gold. Thank you so much for what you wrote. I finally understand what I'm going through. You have no idea what great help you've given me.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Aww thanks Eddie. I had this with my first true love, i would miss him like hell go see him, sit with him for no longer than 5 minutes and think "this isnt what I want" then go home and start missing him again it was so frustrating! ... Anyway we lived our own lives, stayed out of contact and 10 years later bumped into each other we were both much older at this point and had changed a lot and although there were feelings there it was like a fresh start because time had passed.. it was very promising sadly he passed away soon after but I really do believe had that not happened we would have had a good chance of making it work that time round as lots of time had passed so if its meant to be it will come back around but its way too early for that, you both need to go off and live your lives a bit maybe you will meet the right ones for you or maybe you will work your way back but that cannot happen anytime soon whilst these feelings are still there, the negatives are too fresh x
scobro Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 I feel exactly how you do.I know the past would come up and we would be right back in Toxic drama land....but I miss her and have anxiety everyday over it its physical ache like I hurt myself....really sucks!! Maybe its because we are sensitive Canadians:rolleyes:
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