Mcscooter Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I'm desperate for help! I've been dating this beautiful lady for almost a year already, we're both 22. The reason why I wanted to end the relationship is well, because of the things she has said and done. I would get into it more, basically she's crazy. Bad crazy but the main question is "How do I get out of this relationship"? When she threatens to kill herself?! She is very, very.. very... serious about it too. I could be cold and let her do it, but I actually care about her family too and I don't think any family should go through that. I can't just cheat cause than she'll still do it, on top of that. As a man that still believes in honor and chivalry. I thought of ways out, but I have lost ideas. I told her to let me go, but she won't. It's such a selfish act. I have never thought I would become the prisoner in a relationship. I just ask, "What would you do"?
Elle1975 Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 You break up, then you call her mom or whoever is in her life and let them know. 6
Gaeta Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 You don't stay in a relationship because someone threatens to kill themselves. Most of the time those are only manipulative threats that they will never execute, I am saying 'most of the time' because it was different in my father's case. Before meeting my mom my dad broke up with a lady and she killed herself, 50 years later my dad still thinks about her with enormous guilt. You need a plan. You meet up with someone in her family, her parents if possible. You explain the situation and her threats. You explain the relationship is over but you fear she will harm herself. You arrange for someone to be with her when you break up. Then you do not have contact with her what-so-ever!
mammasita Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 People who really REALLY want to kill themselves don't usually talk about it. She's using that as a bargaining chip to keep you around. Not saying she isn't serious about it - but yes she's obviously mental. I agree with above. Involve her family and walk away. It's their issue to deal with, not yours.
pteromom Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 When she threatens to kill herself?! She is very, very.. very... serious about it too. Next time she threatens this, call 911 and tell them that she is threatening suicide. They will come and put her in 24 hour observation. Then tell her family that she has threatened suicide and let THEM care for her. Tell them that you need you back off for a bit because your girlfriend needs some major psychological help. It might just work itself out without you officially breaking up with her. 1
Zahara Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I actually care about her family too and I don't think any family should go through that. You talk to her parents about it so that they are aware of her state of mind. You tell them you plan on ending with her and her possible reaction to it. When you tell your gf and she threatens suicide, you call her parents and dial 911. Wait until help arrives. Her parents will take care of her and provide her with the help she needs. You then need to completely remove yourself from her life. Most times, threatening suicide is a manipulative stunt to hold you hostage in a relationship. But just be on the safe side, stay with her when you break the news to her while her parents and medical help arrives.
Fondue Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 It's just that-- a threat. Don't take it seriously. Break up with her and go no-contact. Don't let her back into your life. Don't let her weasel you into that. Don't let her threats get the better of you. What do you expect going forward? To never end this relationship? Just force yourself to continue to date her? That's stupid. Just end it.
acrosstheuniverse Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 You talk to her parents about it so that they are aware of her state of mind. You tell them you plan on ending with her and her possible reaction to it. When you tell your gf and she threatens suicide, you call her parents and dial 911. Wait until help arrives. Her parents will take care of her and provide her with the help she needs. You then need to completely remove yourself from her life. Most times, threatening suicide is a manipulative stunt to hold you hostage in a relationship. But just be on the safe side, stay with her when you break the news to her while her parents and medical help arrives. I have volunteered for a suicide helpline for the past six years, both as a volunteer and a supervisor, and I recommend this course of action. 99% says she won't do it. Most people who threaten 'if you do this I'll end it' aren't being serious. SOME are, but they are rare. the majority are using it as a tool of manipulation. And it's absolutely not fair on you to feel you have to stick in a relationship you don't want to be in any more for fear of her safety. It makes a mockery of the thousands of people around the world every year whose lives are so desperately sad, they can't take it anymore and hit the exit button. Whether she ends her life or not, that is her own decision. You cannot take this on board as something you're part of, because you are not. If she wants to do it she will do it and if she doesn't want to, she won't. However, I feel it may ease your conscience and help you to extricate yourself if you do arrange some aftercare for when you break the news to her that it's over. I second the suggestion of this poster, although if she has no family or she has a bad relationship with them feel free to just involve the emergency services and skip out on the family part. They will assess her and her risk to herself. This is based both on training and years of medical experience and expertise. If they think she is going to be fine and is not at risk of ending her life, and she does something, this is on them, not you. You are not able to make that call. Bear in mind she may make a token effort, such as taking a nonfatal overdose or self harming non-seriously. This, again, is usually a tool of manipulation, especially if she has never harmed herself before. I am incredibly empathetic and understanding but one of the things we tell our callers is that nobody can make that decision to end their life for them, only them. It's down to them. We believe in self-determination and a person's right to make their own decisions. I must add that this post is my own personal views and not those of the organisation I volunteer for.
acrosstheuniverse Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I forgot to add, google suicide hotline or helpline in your country and make sure you can give her this number too. I doubt she'll use it but it's on her then if she wants to make use of support available if she's feeling genuinely suicidal. Again, I doubt she is, if she's using it as a bargaining chip. But it won't hurt.
acapelo_dp Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Tell her parents, a friend, or another family member about her plans and feel prepared to call 911 if she seriously threatens suicide if you try to break up with her. Please for your own sake and hers get out of this relationship. You have to make a plan to ensure not only her safety but yours as well. Good luck.
Elias33 Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 You can't stop anyone from killing themselves. Call her parents, split up, and move on, quick. It sounds all very manipulative. Either way, it's not in your hands.
todreaminblue Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 You make sure she has a support network of people around her .......caring compassionate people if she threatens suicide to you call a suicide prevention hot line and get guidance.....it is not your responisibility to make her better but as a human being i think we are delegated by pure nature to look out for each other......it isnt chivalrous or honor its just human compassion for another i broke up with a level four schizophrenic....and i am still in contact with him, he is in another relationship again now and still calls me nearly on a daily basis...i have mental health numbers and contacts and i am friends with his mother...who now wont let him come home because the girl he is with is a drug taker..i am on watch with him he foten threatens to take off and not take his meds...its time that i give considering i got involved with him in the first place and i care......i dont have to be with him though, he has a generous heart and i care for that heart as a sister might..deb ..
preraph Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Staying is only enabling her. I agree with you have to notify some family and leave. Do NOT let her further manipulate you (and that's what threatening suicide is) by making excuses like "I hate my family" or whatever. Contact her family and tell them you're breaking up and she's already threatened suicide and just tell them they need to come deal with her. If they say no because they're sick of her drama, then call the police and tell them what's going on and maybe they send social services over or suggest something -- but either way, don't let her keep you there by doing this. And then block her because she's going to drive you crazy. 1
notserene Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 And then block her because she's going to drive you crazy. I can't second this enough. You need to implement a strict NC policy and even then, be prepared to get stalked and keep your pet bunny safely out of her reach.
Fitguyinfl Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 You have a right to break up with her and you are not responsible for whatever she chooses to do. Like other people said, get her help if you are concerned for her well being.
Keenly Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 If she attempts suicide, that's on her and not on you.
Author Mcscooter Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 I understand the suicides on her, but let's be honest here. your always going to remember that and it isn't a pleasant feeling. She doesn't live close to her family, but by the end of the month she will be close to them. So I already planned out the break up. Notifying the family and police if I have to. Thanks for the help. I needed it.
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