d0nnivain Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 My husband's father & step mother are flying out to our house tonight for an event this weekend. They are coming early because FIL really wanted to see his sisters who live in our state but he is insisting they come to us. I was trying to stay out of it & let DH make the arrangements. His one aunt declined because she doesn't drive. We all know this. She offered her house but FIL said no. Since the one aunt wasn't coming, the other one also declined. I told DH to call his cousin who lives with the aunt & his other cousin (that aunt's daughter) to make sure that the cousins knew they were invited not just the sisters / aunts. The non-driving aunt's daughter has to drive past her mother's house -- 5 minutes out of the way -- to get to our house. A month ago I gave DH both cousins' phone #s and e-mail addresses. I assumed (stupid me) that he had called the cousins. I was mystified as to why the cousins weren't facilitating this. Anyway, I just learned that DH never called his cousins & all of these people are operating under the impression that only the aunts -- FIL's sisters -- were invited to our house for dinner. Had the cousins actually been told I think they would have made this happen. My Q to LS is should I get involved now & call the cousins? I'm not very friendly with either of them. The whole reason FIL is insisting that everyone come to us is because his sisters hate me. They blame me for something I didn't do. [FWIW, I can & have proven than I didn't do what they accused me of & have witnesses, their own daughters, the cousins who back me up] FIL is trying to prove that he's on my side. I told him he didn't have to & that he should go to his sister's house to visit. He's adamant. Now he's mad & hurt because even after he's flying 2,000+ miles, they can't / won't drive 45 minutes. I'm so angry & disappointed at DH for not calling his cousins last month. All of the hurt & angst could have been avoided if he used his head. Grrrrrr So would you call & extend the last minute invite? If so, how do I phrase it so they don't feel like after thought & I don't throw DH under the bus? Or should I just sit here on my hands & do nothing but watch the rift between FIL & his sisters grow?
2sunny Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I think if they wanted to make it work they would have arranged something. Since there is so much resistance I vote for not extending the invite. Your H must have had a reason for not doing his part in it - what reason did he give?
Author d0nnivain Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 Your H must have had a reason for not doing his part in it - what reason did he give? He said he forgot. BS! When I asked him several weeks ago, he promised to call the cousins. Now he said he assumed his aunts had told their daughters about the invite. I told him that was an unfair assumption (I probably said stupid) because if he didn't mention the cousins when extending the invite. the aunts wouldn't know etiquette allowed them to tell their daughters / DH's cousins. After DH told me that he never reached out for his cousins I told him that he was going to have explain that to his broken hearted father. He laughed it off saying that his father didn't care. At that point I told him that his father had been very emotional with me on the phone last night. DH was shocked because his dad is usually more stoic then anybody. I told DH to call the cousins. He said it's too late.
CC12 Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 I'm so angry & disappointed at DH for not calling his cousins last month. All of the hurt & angst could have been avoided if he used his head. Grrrrrr I realize there's now nothing you can do about this situation since it's definitely too late to invite the cousins, but I just want to tell you that the hurt and angst would not have been avoided if your husband had simply invited the cousins. There seems to be so much more going on. Your father-in-law was trying to prove a point and demonstrate what "side" he was on. It was your FIL who initially invited his sisters, right? Why didn't he then invite the cousins himself when his sister said she couldn't drive there? Or why didn't he accept the sister's invitation to visit her house? Now he's mad & hurt because even after he's flying 2,000+ miles, they can't / won't drive 45 minutes. You know, I'm sure this goes both ways. His sisters could also be feeling angry and hurt that he couldn't/wouldn't travel 45 minutes to see them. He was trying to make a point, and I think he did just that. My point is that it's not your fault that this weekend didn't work out. That family has some stuff going on, and you should do your best to stay far out of it. The only thing you could maybe do differently in the future is to take over the job of issuing invites, and invite everyone, regardless of whatever drama is happening. This might not be so easy for you, on account of your FIL and others like him who can't help but to stir **** up. Try to stay out of it.
Author d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 My FIL wasn't the pot stirrer. His sisters are. They came to the weekend event with everybody but didn't spend much time with my FIL. Many other family members commented on the sisters' rude behavior. Afterwards I arranged for them all to spend some more time together alone. They thanked my FIL for the chance to get together even though I did all the work. I thought it was kind of funny that they wouldn't even talk to me but I didn't care. I know their character & I'm fine with them ignoring me. It was as good as it was going to get. I did learn my lesson about trying to delegate to people who don't plan with my efficiency & contingencies. Going forward, if a similar opportunity arises, I will extend invitations all around well in advance & let the chips fall where they may.
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