J8428 Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I beyond devastated, in fact it's hard to put into words how I feel. I was physically sick last night through the shock and heartbreak of my partner leaving me. We have broken up before for various reasons, mainly stress's outside of our relationship. Years back we even both had a brief relationship with other people but always ended back together. I have never stopped loving him and I know he still loves me but I have made promises I couldn't keep ( relating to jobs, home life and my own lack of confidence etc) Since his father died he became so much colder and I couldnt make things better no matter how hard I tried. It's like that desire to work on things just wasn't there for him anymore. I'm 29 and he's 35, so he's looking at life in a different way now and evaluating everything. I am shattered, sick and feel like it's hard to even take a breath through the tears. In the 12 years it's never been this 'final' He told me on the phone. I feel seeing one another will be almost torturous. I am so frightened as I have never stopped loving him and can't see I ever will. I miss him dearly already. He is my 'home', my best friend and the only person I've ever loved. I can't cope with the thought of never seeing him, or hearing his voice. I wish I had held onto him last time we said goodbye. I wish I had known that would be the last. Thank you
LostConfused123 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Hang in there. I'm so sorry for your pain. Someone with something similar will be here any minute. Sit tight. ((hugs!!))
JimmyWeezy Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I know what you're going through. I feel the same way, but it's getting a little better every day. My advice to you is to listen to your feelings. If you wanna cry, cry. If you wanna throw a plate to the floor, do it. Don't force yourself into acting as if you're ok, if you're not. But... Also... Don't force yourself to avoid good things in life either. Call your family, and/or your close friends and ask for their company and support. Go somewhere new, if you have the chance to. I moved to my father's after the break up because I couldn't stay in my own house due to all the memories and also the gifts and the furniture I bought with him. I won't say it was an instant cure, but it helped me a lot to be in a different environment where nothing reminds me of him. It's... It's really hard. I feel a bit lost still, after two weeks, but I lost hope for a reconciliation, so that is good enough. I also thought of all the things that didn't work. I even wrote down a list of things that annoyed me about him, along with a list of lacking things from his side in the relationship. Whenever I miss him, I read them out. And I remind myself how poorly he left, after all we've been and done. Don't isolate yourself. Being alone is amazing especially if you don't feel like having fun or talking, but reach out to people you love and who love you. Don't hide, go out. Even if it's a place with no human presence go out, read a book, listen to music. Relax. Think about your future and all the things you might have put aside through these years: now you can do everything. A trip, that dress that he hated but that you love and want to wear. Things like this. You have all the time in the world to focus on yourself and that is amazing, even if it feels useless and nonsense. I know. But we have to hold on together 2
Omei Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Sorry to hear about the loss of your relationship when they last that long it makes it feel like a death. In some ways its worse because they are alive just not wanting to be with you and if you were grieving over their death that actually might feel more accepting, I have always felt that way when my partner left. Keep your friends and family close they will be a key tool to recovery /hug 1
artsygirl78 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 My heart goes out to you, I am so so sorry for your loss and know you must be having a rough time of it right now. There are many people on the boards here who have gone through or are going through similar circumstances, first of all know that you are not alone. In the beginning of my breakup I could not eat, I was so upset and anxiety ridden that I couldn't sleep, the pain was absolutely unbearable at times and I understand how you feel. The first moments of any breakup are rough but just keep breathing - lean on friends and family, keep yourself busy, get out of the house. It sounds cliched but slowly, over time, you WILL feel better - grief is a personal process and you will feel ups and downs, but now the most important thing is what you need to do to take care of yourself - keep us posted and let us know how you are doing. 1
Wrkinprogress Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 I'm so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. My partner of 10 years dumped me over the phone suddenly a few weeks ago. I can't eat and my stomach is sick over it. I have found at least for that realizing that if this person could hurt me so badly and so easily then they are not who I thought they were. Easier said than done and I miss her everyday. I have found some relief in working out. I hope it gets better for both of us. Just wanted you to know you aren't alone in feeling sick over the hurt. 1
newmoon Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 i'm sorry to hear your story and wish you well during this time. my dad died last year and my relationship also went downhill very fast after that. i know that death can impact us terribly and in ways a partner doesn't understand. over a year later i still do not feel like my life is 'normal' yet. i am not saying the death lead to this, but realize that big of a life event makes a huge impact on someone and the choices they make and how they live each day. it's huge, and even if you are not close to a parent you suffer the loss and go through really major changes. 1
Author J8428 Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 Thank you so much for all the kind messages! I have truly taken them all in My friends are great but it's hard to find anyone who can really understand/appreciate what it's like to loose someone after such a long period of time. I met him when I was 18 and I have never stopped loving him no matter what happened or what we went through, that's why it's so hard to see a light. He called me when I asked him to as wanted to speak, he text, he says he will be in touch, let me know how things are and that we will meet when ready. It's very confusing. I know I have to pick myself up and be stronger. Some days are a little better than others. Does anyone have moments like that?! Where you feel focused one day and the next it's like a tonne of bricks hits you!
Lost_Soul_86 Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 If i could give you one piece of advice it would be not to loose hope, hope in that you will find happiness again. My bf of 9 years broke up with me last year (I'm 28) so i too was in a relationship since my teenage years and when it happened i felt like the whole world had just collapsed around me, nothing was important to me any more everywhere i went i saw happy people and i wondered how they could be so happy and if i'd ever be happy again, most days i really didn't care if i lived or died. Im' not gonna lie it took me months and months to recover. No one understood what i was going through because no one i knew had actually gone through it so it was so easy for them to say "you will move on and find someone else" all i could do was sit there and think to myself "what the hell do you know about anything" it really did feel like the world had just shat on me! But at the end of the dark days there comes brighter days and the world eventually doesn't seem so cruel. Sure my ex was a complete idiot for throwing away what we had and i guess ill always love him in some way shape or form, you don't spend almost a decade with someone and just stop caring for them over night, these things take time. But one day someone will walk into your life and you will realize why it didn't work out with anyone else. Chin up hunny a lot of us have been in this ****ty situation and we came out of it just fine xx
shoegal4 Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 J - I truly feel your pain! I too, broke up with my boyfriend of 12 years and was absolutely devastated. Crushed. Hopeless. The whole 9. It isn't easy and it certainly feels like a death. The only thing I can tell you is...it gets better. It takes time (and for me, it took a lot of wine and girlfriend time) but it gets better. I promise you that. I had some setbacks in my recovery from the break up. I've learned Facebook and Instagram are NOT your friend and talking to people close to him is not a good idea either. It's better to drop off the face of the earth and disappear completely. I've set myself back not listening to the advice others give on here. So please know that when they say NC, it's for good, good, good reason. I thought I would never feel something for someone ever again and just last week I went away on vacation and felt A LOT of things for a guy I met down there. My heart still works even after I thought it never would. Yours will too...trust me!
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