LuvsTrucks2 Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 As most of you know, I am new to dating again after a 10 year marriage, been out with several gentlemen and enjoying the over all experience of meeting new people and trying new things. Dating has changed so much since I was last out there, basically, there are no rules, right? Anything goes? This is what dating is all about? It's typical to "date" several people at the same time, right?
d0nnivain Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 There are no Rules, ala the book with that name. Traditions about who calls to arrange the 1st date & who pays no longer exist. Feel free to invite people; expect that some people will ask you. Always have enough money to pay the whole check. Expect to pay if you ask. Offer to at least pay half for leave the tip if you were invited. There are all sorts of new technologies for keeping in touch & they bring their own stressors: how many times to text? Should I add them to social media? When? etc. It is a brave new world out there 2
Gaeta Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 There are no rules but I strongly suggest you have yourself your own set of rules. Mine: 1. Don't date men freshly out of relationships 2. Cut immediate contact with men bringing up sex before meeting 3. Cut off slow pokes that take 5 days to get back to me 4. Don't chase men 5. Have fun 6
mammasita Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 The only rules you need: Be honest but don't ever expect honesty in return Set boundaries and stick to them Don't be afraid to communicate and most importantly BE YOURSELF 2
thekid36 Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 As most of you know, I am new to dating again after a 10 year marriage, been out with several gentlemen and enjoying the over all experience of meeting new people and trying new things. Dating has changed so much since I was last out there, basically, there are no rules, right? Anything goes? This is what dating is all about? It's typical to "date" several people at the same time, right? There are definitely no definitive rules. However, I just think that it is not really respectful to date more than one person at a time. It just makes it seem as if dating is some kind of game. Many disagree and say that it is much more like a free and open trial. Therefore, meeting multiple people all at once is more than fair game. I guess that if you meet someone, go on a date, decide to date that same individual again, while still going out with another, that as long as you are honest and open with the original person, that it is what matters most. 1
Author LuvsTrucks2 Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 Thanks everyone, all of your suggestions are pretty much on target with what I have already set as guidelines for myself.
Priv Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) 1st RULE: You do not talk about DATE CLUB. 2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about DATE CLUB. 3rd RULE: If someone says "stop" or goes limp, tap out the date is over. 4th RULE: Only two people to a date. 5th RULE: One date at a time. 6th RULE: Wear a shirt, and shoes. 7th RULE: Dates will go on as long as they have to. 8th RULE: If this is your first night at DATE CLUB, you HAVE to date. Edited July 16, 2014 by Priv 2
longjohn Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I was in a relationship and married for a good 5 years and only in the last couple of years decided it was time to return to dating. I found that yes there are not a lot of solid rules out there anymore but I have a few I tend to go by. Basically in my mind if it's online, offline, through a friend of a friend etc they are all potentially suspect until they've been vetted in some way shape or form. 1. If all they talk about is sex, they just want sex. I'm saying this as a man. 2. Google them, if they say they work at Acme Rocket Company for Wile E the Coyote then check up on it. Google Mugshots/Arrests too just to be sure. 3. Check to be sure they are not active (if your exclusive) on dating websites or "adult dating" aka hookup sites etc 4. If the opportunity presents itself take a look at their driving license, seriously. 5. Be aware of their habits e.g. do they only want to get together late at night or come to your place. Do they hide their phone from you or vanish without talking for hours or days on end. Most people now, men and women seem to think it's perfectly acceptable to date 2, 3 or 4 or more people at the same time. I can see the logic in it. They are running the numbers but I'm maybe more of a traditionalist in that I find a lady I like and date her see where it goes vs juggling multiple people. I did go on a date once with a lovely woman. Only for her to be quite sure I was someone else. I had to correct her it was quite awkward to say the least.
kolleamm Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Same here, I would not date more than one person at a time, it's just not who I am and makes your life that much more complicated if it works out with 2 of them. Anyways my rules 1. Message for a message. I send you one you send one back and vice versa. 2. Don't mention your ex more than once. 3. Don't text while talking to me. 4. Don't ask me to change who I am. 5. Stay in shape, I hate to say this but people who get comfortable after a while and just let themselves go are just asking for a breakup. 6. Read 5 again.
marcjb Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) 1. Don't keep your past around in any way, shape or form, otherwise it's not really your past. 2. Making new "friends" (acquaintaces are understandable) of the opposite sex while in a relationship is absolutley no different than to continue dating and to continue dating but giving it another name to make it sound innocent will not be tolerated. 3. Opposite gender friends become mutual friends (truly platonic, no past flings) of the relationship or they turn into acquaintances. Edited July 16, 2014 by marcjb 1
insert_name Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 The one rule that I have learnt so far is there are no rules (at least for men). Prior to starting online dating I prepped by reading about the experiences of men and women on teh internetz to see if there were any general dos and don'ts. From which I gathered 2 things that pretty much most women unversally agreed on- no kissing on the first date and sex doesn't take place for like, ever. Both of which I was actually fine with, I'm a bit 'old school' in terms of manners and stuff and part of the attraction of dating is the anticipation and build up to being intimate with someone you are building up an attraction to. The first girl I got to the dating stage with blew all of that out of the water, texting me to rib me that I never kissed her on the first date then arranging to meet me at midnight on a Friday (we both had engagements with friends earlier) I thought nothing of it as she was not flirty at all.....we ended up back at hers with her setting the pace all the time thinking 'but I was reliably informed girls don't do this sorta thing', I was smashed and hate having drunken sex with someone I have barely met so 'tactically' fell asleep- and that was that, I think she took it badly or thought I was weird, never heard from her again. So the moral of the story is that its very hard to have your own expectations of how things will turn out or apply rules as you may find in doing so you screw it up with someone who would have been a good fit otherwise. You have to roll with the punches and accept that you may be put in a situation that challenges your pre-conceptions and may make or break your interaction. Mutual compatibility is a very tough hustle in theory, in practice its even tougher than that.
todreaminblue Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 be honest be kind treat others how you would want to be treated have fun laugh often ...it is possible to laugh on a date and have fun and not worry if you dont worry about it so be confident in you.... what you see is what you get....saves disappointment later.... you cant change anyone its hard enough to change yourself let alone someone else so don't try in other words accept what you see is what you get.........deb 2
Leigh 87 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 You need rules that suit YOU, as rules that work for YOU will not be of any merit to others, for instance; some people prefer to multi date. Here are general rules I think should apply to the masses: - only date people who call when they say they will call, who call you the night of or the day after the first date to tell you they had a great time and would love to arrange to do it again -don't bother if they do not arrange a second date within a week of meeting - try to pick people who are really into you - no, his grandma didn't die, he didn't lose his phone, he didn't drop his phone in water. He is just Not That Into You. 1
Elle1975 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 As most of you know, I am new to dating again after a 10 year marriage, been out with several gentlemen and enjoying the over all experience of meeting new people and trying new things. Dating has changed so much since I was last out there, basically, there are no rules, right? Anything goes? This is what dating is all about? It's typical to "date" several people at the same time, right? Yes, you can. I only date one man at a time though.
SoonMyFriend Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Set your standards and do not let yourself go below them. Believe in your worth. Don't waste your time with anyone who doesn't meet your standards, or believe in your worth as well. And have a little fun along the way 2
Vyliss Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I personally think going on a "date" with a stranger puts a lot of pressure on two people. Nearly every "date" I've been on have been awkward, main reason is you both know what you're doing there, to judge and evaluate the hell out of each other. It's just not natural. Anyway, there are no rules, but I would definitely go into it with little to no expectation. Expect the worst lol then you may actually end up having a good time. I also advice AGAINST sitting right opposite each other if you can help it. Preferably sit side by side or adjacent. This makes it easier to touch each other and you can avoid looking directly at each other during awkward moments lol Also, men or women, if you like the other person, TOUCH THEM. It eases the tension, there's nothing worse than going through the whole date without touching. At least I think its super awkward. Personally for the other "rules" you may have, I would cut them down to near zero if you can help it. I just think judging someone on whether they talk about sex or if they're dating multiple people is stupid, what if that person is the love of your life and you said no to them based on something superficial and non significant like that? Stay open minded I say. People are hardly ever who they appear to be on the first date, good or bad, give people a chance especially if there is some chemistry.
Lipitor11 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Let it go with the flow, don't force things to happen, stay away from dating sites.
SoonMyFriend Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Let it go with the flow, don't force things to happen, stay away from dating sites. I disagree with the bolded. Dating sites can be a great tool to meeting new people. Just keep your expectations low, and your radar high for jerks. I was afraid of Tinder, but then I embraced it and through it I connected with a guy I went to university with and we're now dating. Without Tinder, we wouldn't be dating and I am incredibly happy with this guy. I was also on OK Cupid & POF and while I didn't have amazing dates, I did meet some nice guys who will one day make someone else very happy. 2
GoBlue Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 You are never obligated to live by someone else's "rules". The dating process, in my mind, is to determine compatibility and whether this is a person a legitimate relationship can be developed with - a permanent relationship. For that reason, protecting your heart and moving slowly seems like a reasonable plan. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Blessings!
truth_seeker Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 There are no rules but I strongly suggest you have yourself your own set of rules. Mine: 1. Don't date men freshly out of relationships 2. Cut immediate contact with men bringing up sex before meeting 3. Cut off slow pokes that take 5 days to get back to me 4. Don't chase men 5. Have fun Mine: 1. Don't date women freshly out of relationships 2. Cut immediate contact with women bringing up marriage before meeting 3. Cut off slow pokes that take 5 days to get back to me 4. Don't chase women 5. Have fun 1
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