Sea-ds Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Sorry this is long but I need help. I have posted here before about my problems with my boyfriend and now we have broken up and the truth has come out about him. One of my staffers who had a drunken night with him last year came forward to me to tell me the truth about his past and I could not believe what she was saying and her motive for finally telling me. Previously I was told by my EX that he had a one night stand with her after being very drunk and she was infatuated with him, when in reality they had an ongoing relationship all last year. He painted a portrait of her being psycho, jealous of me and angry at him that the one night stand didn't evolve into something greater so she transferred to my building for work to be away from her past. She told me even more stories about another female worker under him having an ongoing relationship with him last year. I knew about her but once again, he told me it was another drunken night. It also turns out he was cheating on me with this employee too and this employee even knew of my existence. I was depressed at the circumstances that lead to my breakup and that I knew all along that this relationship was never meant to be but I didn't want to be lonely since I was new to the city and I wanted companionship. He told me it was all the small things that made this relationship fail. My staffer told me she was so angry because he broke off the relationship with her to be with me after she transferred to my pharmacy. I told her the circumstances of why I think he really did love me(introducing me to his dad, wanting to get married, getting my ring measurement) and she said it was all lies to get what he wanted and he has a thing for good girls. He did it to her too. My staffer even told me he tells stories about me to his employees saying he "GOT WHAT HE WANTED", that I am weird, and that he never considered me his girlfriend. I had to tell her it didn't affect me since they were rumors but really most of what she said was true and it hurt to find out he wasn't trustworthy. I remember my staffer had forwarned me about him telling me you can't make him change but when I met him, he said he would change and not smoke pot/drink alcohol anymore to be with me and make himself a better person. I didn't want to believe the phrase "once a ( pothead, cheater, etc ), always a (pothead, cheater, etc) I was so naive and hoped for the best in the future. I am just angry now that I was being played all this time, he is a con artist. I trusted him and I regret what we did together. I feel so stupid for being with him, I knew I should have followed my heart from the beginning and not be with him based on the rumors that surrounded him and his confession of being a pothead, a thief, and sleeping with his employees. My friends and coworkers even told me not to start this relationship but all I can do is reflect on the past and think of why I didn't listen to myself or them. There were so many red flags. Being lonely was not the right excuse to even associate with him. I have forgiven myself but I have not forgotten, which has caused my sleepless nights for the past two weeks. I want to know how to cope, build self-condifence, and learn to trust again.
Philosoraptor Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Sometimes it's better to be thankful that part of your life is over than to continue to let anger stemming from the past affect your present. You need to learn to trust yourself first. Trust that you've learned your lessons from this ordeal and are a stronger and smarter person because of it. Learn to look towards the bright side and trust yourself, then you can let go of your anger and move on to a happier tomorrow. 1
smuggy95 Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) I'm sorry that all happened to you, Sea. There are bad people out there. Don't let that eat away at the good that is in you. You're not the only one he's hurt. It is not your fault you fell for a con-artist, but now you know better. Thank you for sharing and may this be a lesson for all others. Edited July 17, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3
SoThatHappened Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) Sea, I can relate to what you're going through. If our hearts were logical, we wouldn't fall for people like that. Unfortunately, we do. Heartache is never fun, whether or not that person was great or a PoS like your ex. The thing to remember is, you're better off without him. He's someone else's problem now. It sucks to think that someone can do that to you. It makes you question yourself and drives you insane trying to remember why he did this or that, HOW he did this or that, etc. The best thing to do is cut ties, improve yourself, and work on yourself. You're now armed with knowledge and can hopefully spot red flags down the road. Good luck to ya Edited July 17, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
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