Tamashi Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) I've recently found out that my boyfriend has taken a 'job' managing a strip club in an online virtual game called Second Life, in which avatars will strip dance in order to please other avatar customers. And the strip club 'company policy' dictates that any girlfriends (such as me) cannot be involved in any way, and may not enter the club. I also have an account on Second Life. In addition, my boyfriend is neglecting me, and is often distracted whenever we talk. He's sitting on his computer for over 6 hours each day managing the strip club. Honestly, this whole idea makes me very uncomfortable and extremely hurt. He's clearly heading down a path where it's easy to have an online fling as it is a highly sexual environment. I have communicated my concerns to him and we ended up in a fight about his involvement and I asked him if he would leave the club. But he says that I am being clingy and possessive, and he'd rather choose his freedom. He claims to have his own personal reasons for doing this, but the fact it's at a strip club is really bothering me. We've been together for one year and four months, and it's unbelievable and hurtful to me that he would choose this online strip club over me, even after seeing it's affecting me this negatively. I want your opinions please. Am I over reacting to all this? Should I back off and let him manage the club? I'm afraid the other option would be a break up, and I honestly want to avoid that. Any advice and opinions would be highly appreciated. Thanks in advance. Edited July 16, 2014 by MsNaush
umirano Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Does your BF fire guns at people or animals in online games? Does he run over persons in cars in online games? Would you take issue with that or not? Your BF is neglecting and disrespecting you in first life. But managing a strip club in a game isn't at the core of this IMO. It should be similarly offensive to you if he was managing a farm or hunting virtual terrorists and neglecting you. In other words you're right to be upset. But charging at him over it will not help. You need to calmly discuss it with him and let him know in a non-emotional way that his gaming is eating away at the RS and the bond between you. Don't focus on the strip club too much. I understand that he could go wayward with other participants. But obviously that happens too when people go to the gym or the groceries in real life. 10
Els Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 If he's spending 6 hours a day everyday in an online game, you have bigger problems on your hands than a virtual strip club. 27
Author Tamashi Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) Thank you for your replies. Because of the fight we are both emotionally stressed out. Do you think it's a good idea to take a break from him for a few days (of No contact), or maybe even a couple of weeks, and then talk to him again in a calm and non-emotional way about his gaming ways (Yes, he is an addict at times especially when he starts a new game). This way, I would be giving his 'freedom' and also give him a chance to miss me. Or is it a bad idea? Edited July 16, 2014 by MsNaush 1
Treasa Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I think a break would be a good idea. But make it be around 50 years or so. Oh, and date other guys in the meantime. 18
Medium.Lumo Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I can't believe people would waste money on virtual strippers. Essentially just someone running a strip() function .... lol. Ah well. Real strip clubs are also a complete waste of money. But at least they aren't 3D avatars. 5
anna121 Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Thank you for your replies. Because of the fight we are both emotionally stressed out. Do you think it's a good idea to take a break from him for a few days (of No contact), or maybe even a couple of weeks, and then talk to him again in a calm and non-emotional way about his gaming ways (Yes, he is an addict at times especially when he starts a new game). This way, I would be giving his 'freedom' and also give him a chance to miss me. Or is it a bad idea? If he is online 6 hours a day he is unlikely to notice. I mean, I assume he has a job or goes to school. He doesn't just sit on his duff all day, right? You can take a break from the conflict without appearing to take a break from him. I think if you go with your plan you are setting yourself up to be disappointed when he doesn't miss you that much. I mean, he might of course. But I sort of doubt it. Since you are at an impasse, try to distract. Find some fun stuff to do offline. If you take a break, you need to be prepared to make it stick. Are you? 3
Author Tamashi Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 If he is online 6 hours a day he is unlikely to notice. I mean, I assume he has a job or goes to school. He doesn't just sit on his duff all day, right? You can take a break from the conflict without appearing to take a break from him. I think if you go with your plan you are setting yourself up to be disappointed when he doesn't miss you that much. I mean, he might of course. But I sort of doubt it. Since you are at an impasse, try to distract. Find some fun stuff to do offline. If you take a break, you need to be prepared to make it stick. Are you? Thank you for your reply. My boyfriend is between jobs at the moment so he is just sitting around all day, unfortunately. But I believe you have a very valid point. There's a good chance he might not miss me at all because he's already so involved in the game and apparently having such a good time.
Standard-Fare Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Well, first of all, I wouldn't be OK with dating: a) someone without a job who spends six hours a day on the Internet. That's just sad. b) someone who's invested in the game Second Life. As someone else said, that means they don't have a "first life." The fact that he's developed a sleazy persona on Second Life is just the icing on the terrible cake. Get out, girl. 6
Keenly Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 If he's spending 6 hours a day everyday in an online game, you have bigger problems on your hands than a virtual strip club. If its his job, how exactly is it a problem to work 6 hours a day?
Candy_Pants Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 If its his job, how exactly is it a problem to work 6 hours a day? A job as in, he earns real money for working??
Keenly Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 A job as in, he earns real money for working?? Absolutely you can earn real money from second life. People sell property in that game for tens of thousands of dollars. Real dollars. 1
Fondue Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 4A job as in, he earns real money for working?? This game has been around for a long time now. While I have never tried it, my cousin did. He once mentioned to me that people make REAL money off of it. Maybe he IS making money? Who knows? WIth that said, the issue isn't about the "strip club," it is his commitment to this game. Looks like he spends A LOT of time playing. (unless of course, he gets paid). THat's the problem.
Keenly Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 4 This game has been around for a long time now. While I have never tried it, my cousin did. He once mentioned to me that people make REAL money off of it. Maybe he IS making money? Who knows? WIth that said, the issue isn't about the "strip club," it is his commitment to this game. Looks like he spends A LOT of time playing. (unless of course, he gets paid). THat's the problem. Its not s problem if he makes a living off of it. This is where most of you sound stuck in the past. The world is changing and we must change with it. There are opportunities to make money and make a living by playing the games we love to play as gamers. If he doesn't have a "job" but can make money playing this game, then the problem is the stigma and not the behavior itself. 1
Candy_Pants Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Hate to agree with you Keenly, but I do think if he's making actual money online then 6 hours a day is understandable. Still, the OP finds it to be a problem in the relationship (as would I) and has voiced her concerns that weren't met with an understanding or sympathetic ear (on either end).
Keenly Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Admin please delete this thread, threads like this damage the credibility of LS. Says the person who just gave advice in another thread for a guy to preemptively cheat on his girlfriend while he was away. 4
Standard-Fare Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Look, most of us here are going to consider deep involvement in "Second Life" unhealthy. To us, the complete absorption into the glowing screen of a fantasy online world just doesn't seem right, and creates an underdeveloped person in "real life." I personally wouldn't want to get near that. So a lot of us are already turned off by the description of the OP's boyfriend even before she gets to the strip club detail. Maybe the OP doesn't fall into that category, and the strip club aspect really is what pushed her over the edge.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I wouldn't date a guy who spends 6 hours a day playing games online. And definitely not a guy who hangs out with cartoon strippers. What is he, 12? 2
Elle1975 Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Thank you for your replies. Because of the fight we are both emotionally stressed out. Do you think it's a good idea to take a break from him for a few days (of No contact), or maybe even a couple of weeks, and then talk to him again in a calm and non-emotional way about his gaming ways (Yes, he is an addict at times especially when he starts a new game). This way, I would be giving his 'freedom' and also give him a chance to miss me. Or is it a bad idea? You're dating a gamer. He won't change. That's as simple as that. As for giving it a "break", be careful that it doesn't end in a break up, unless that's what you want. If you're using that to make him stop playing, I highly doubt he will.
bubbaganoosh Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 If he's on line for 6 hours a day, does he have a REAL job?
d0nnivain Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 What somebody does in a game is virtual. It's not real life. I wouldn't care if my SO managed a virtual strip club, or a real one for that matter. I would care if his recreational activities -- whatever they were -- left no time for me. Everyone has to balance work, sleep, chores, family & romance but I refuse to always take a back seat to recreation. Once in a while, sure. Everybody needs downtime. That said if you want to fix your problem, talk it out. It's OK to wait a few hours until you both calm down to tackle this but to formally "take a break" is not going to work. Breaks are precursors to breaking up. If you want to go down that path, just end it. 1
gaius Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 As far as I know the real estate developers in second life who pull in massive dough are the exception. I doubt he's making enough money to live off managing the strip club, if he's getting paid at all. But maybe I'm wrong and he's one of the exceptions to the rule. My second life experience ran a total of 5 minutes. If he's working 8 hour days he can still play 6 hours and have 10 hours left for sleep and everything else, so it's possible he's working somewhere else. 1
Emilia Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Says the person who just gave advice in another thread for a guy to preemptively cheat on his girlfriend while he was away. ... and has been posting here for just over a month
somedude81 Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 MsNaush, is he making any real money managing this club in game? 2
StumpyNB Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I think there are two different issues here. His online 'business' in a game, is a strip club manager. -WHO CARES!? He is spending six hours a day playing online games, instead of spending time with his spouse. -This is a bigger issue in my mind. If he was playing Halo instead of this, it would still be an issue. 2
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