GilesB Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I don't know what to do about my relationship... I’ts been the slowest 12 days in months. I’ve been dating this guy for about 10 weeks so i know its really early days still, but I like him so much already! I tried so hard not to get attached too early on because of previous heart break with my ex. We are both in our mid-20′s. Everything was going amazingly well for the first 2 months, but recently he has seemed really distant and i dont know what’s wrong… I’m trying not to over react but i haven’t heard from him in 12 days. I can tell when I go on messenger that he is rarely online anymore which is strange because he contacts most of his friends and family on messenger, not just me. I know he has been very busy and stressed since he got back from holiday, but i don’t know whether to drop him a quick message or will that push him away more. I know men like to be left alone when they are stressed but he normally reaches out to me about things. He had even told me that he wanted to cook for me as a special date night once he got back from holiday. He was so desperate at first to keep in contact with me and even wanted to text every day while he was on holiday!! I thought he was the needy one in our relationship, and said he was worried id forget him when he got back if we didn't keep in contact. I found that really weird, and i just told him my memory wasn't that bad and changed subject. When he got back from holiday I was feeling so mad at him after he hadn’t texted me in 3 days, but i kept calm with him and just asked how he was and he replied instantly saying how sorry he was for being distant but he has been so stressed recently with catching up on work. I replied a few hours later saying I’m exhausted after a busy weekend at a friends wedding, but he didn’t respond so stupidly i texted him again after another 3 days and he replied like nothing was wrong in our relationship, super sweet with smiley faces and kisses which is rare for him. I didn’t want to seem needy and bother him so i didn’t text him back for 4 days. I regret that and my friends think he hasnt replied to me in 12 days because he thinks I’m playing games, but I wanted to show him how i felt. I felt that it was only me putting in the effort recently whereas he used to always text me first. Any advice?
I am Bud Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Dear GilesB Seeing that you like him so much, you should forget about who has contacted whom in how many days and who has and has not made the effort. Being that he says that he is stressed why not put your best foot forward and show him how much you care. For instance you could text him and say "hey bucko, how are you doing? I hope that you are well. I know that you are stressed and all that, how about you come over and I will cook you a magical plate of beans. Beans are a magical food don't you know because the more you eat the more you ...toot". Sometimes when a guy is stressed and a girl makes the effort to show how much she cares and supports him goes a long way in gaining respect in his eyes. He will be going, hmm I was down and out and she looked out for me. This one is special! I think that this one is a keeper. We have to be careful not to get too self absorbed when we start to date other people. Continuously counting how much they have contacted us and how much we have contacted them is a self defeating game. It is better to be yourself and put your best foot forward rather than sit back and respond in a reactive way. If they like you then your efforts will not be wasted and if they don't then at least you can say that you were true to yourself and your feelings and can move on. Good luck with it - Bud.
Author GilesB Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 Thanks Bud! Your words are so encouraging. Haha that is a great comment and yes you are right. It's silly sitting here thinking what if, blaa blaa blaa when actually I haven't got anything to lose and he would be the kind of guy to tell me if he thought this wasn't working out. I wanted to try not to seem too desperate, but I think if I send him a little hello message that would go down well. He got me into Breaking Bad which is addictive so I may say something simple but funny that I know will make him smile. Thanks again
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) You are not together anymore he just failed to notify you. P.S. sorry if my comment is insensitive. I never had a good experience come out of a guy dropping out of contact. Even the busiest guy has time for a quick daily text. Edited July 16, 2014 by Eternal Sunshine
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