Pleasant Surprise Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I think it was yesterday or the day before that I made a thread talking about how proud of myself I was for maintaining no contact and feeling relatively happy. Tonight was not good. I hadn't really done anything much today or lately for that matter. My friends have all been busy so I've been alone all day. I'm bored and haven't touched any substances for a few weeks as I didn't want to use them as an emotional crutch. I decides to purchase some pot and indulge...you know, for recreational purposes. Fuuuun, right? Nope. End up smoking some with my sister and pretty much immediately put on the saddest love songs I can think of and sit there thinking about my ex. It really hurt to know that something I had worked so hard to preserve had failed and was cut off for seemingly ridiculous reasons despite my efforts. I had memories of a time when this girl welcomed me with arms wide open instead of being some sort of lock on my soul like I'm starting to feel like she is now. It made me miss the times and her a lot. First urge to contact since no contact started. I ended up crying over it and now I have a sour taste in my mouth from this crappy weed and a bunch of questions. Why am I suddenly so sentimental about this, I truly felt over it? Aside from drugs amplifying these feelings, it means that the feelings do exist on their own. Drugs do not induce feelings of sentiment. Keep that in mind. Why can't I shake this memory of the former her? I think it's because she never really wronged me. But...how? How do I move past this? How can I let go?
Ronni_W Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) How can I let go? Well...bad as it is, it's to remind yourself that you're just not the person she wants or needs right now. People don't have to "wrong" each other for that still to be true. It doesn't make the other "bad" or "negative" material...just not the right material for some particular person. Feelings of loss and grief come and go...it's not unusual or "abnormal" or anything like that. You did great on the non-substance for a few weeks...and here you can also learn that going back to it just to relieve boredom isn't the best idea for you, personally, for where you are right now. (Mind-altering substances DO also alter feelings...whether of sentiment or resentment...they don't induce them but they do heighten, exacerbate whatever is already there.) Also it could be to become more self-inspirational, self-reliant than just waiting on your friends...that just puts you in a "powerless, helpless, useless" cycle of feelings when they're not around. And you are not, in reality, any of those things. Wishing you the best. Edited July 16, 2014 by Ronni_W grammar
Author Pleasant Surprise Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 Thank you for your kind words, first. I wasn't sure how the pot thing would be received and I'm glad you didn't judge me based on that. That being said, she left being friends on the table so I was essentially forced to give myself my own closure. I haven't been liking anything of hers on social media (I didn't block her because I don't want any bad blood) which has been hard for me because she likes a bunch of the stuff I post. It's hard for me to walk away completely from this and make that final jump to freedom because I feel like I'm abandoning a friendship which could potentially go somewhere in the future, since I'm not angry and she isn't either. At the same time, I know I'm not the right emotional place to be friends with this girl in the near future. I know what's right for me, but I can't seem to follow through with it. Something tells me I'm still in love with this girl. I will continue not to contact her but it is really easy for me to think that her being back will make me happy, even if just as a friend... I truly though I was over this which makes these thoughts difficult for me to accept. It feels like I'll never move on. Things didn't end on a bad note, even though it wasn't mutual, so it just seemed abrupt to me. It feels to me like there were more things in store for us and I am having trouble just disregarding that. Sorry for the long post.
elseaacych Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 It sounds like you're bored. I miss my ex (or rather, having a fun companion) when I get bored too. There is an easy solution to that. Go do something else. Drugs, as previously stated, are mind altering substances, so use at your own risk. I would suggest going to do something you find fun that will engage you, something other than watching tv or laying around. Read some fun books, play an instrument, do splatter art. The world is your oyster. 1
scobro Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Im going through that right now as well.I was fine for months now I really miss her.Maybe Im bored and lonely and thats why.I am going for a new job so if I get it that will take my mind off things especially being out of work for almost 2 years and contributed to the breakup.
JustSomeGuyHere Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Hey man I feel your pain. I'm going through the same thing/thoughts right now. The only thing I can say is smoking weed and listening to sad love songs is not going to help. I've been trying to avoid that sad stuff as much as possible. I don't think it helps at all. I actually find it to be addictive. I've found myself listening to a song over and over, just feeling the negative emotions the song aroused. My conclusion is it's not worth it. It just reinforces the negative emotions. Instead, just try to keep yourself distracted. I've been listening to all new music that I've never heard before. Just trying to avoid hearing songs that I associate with her. I would avoid weed too. Personally it always made me dwell on thoughts as well. At the end of the day, there's no easy answer. I try to use this as a general guideline for making decisions about what I should be doing with myself: is this good for me? If yes then I try to force myself to do it. Eat right, gym, get out of the house, try new things etc. If no, then I try to avoid it. Simple, but it seems to be working. Good luck! 2
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