Exclusive vs official? What are we?

[thysecret]

Basically We met online, did not meet up yet.

We are dating, and exclusive. Which means he's not dating anyone else. He had never fell in love before, i'm his first.

 

I brought up the "what are we" conversation some time back, he said giving it a label scares him. But he treats me as his girlfriend.

He calls me his girlfriend all the time and said "i love you" to me first & wants me only.

 

What confuses me is, we are like in a relationship but not official?

Probably i'm his first girlfriend/date... I guess he's confused as well.

 

To me, Exclusive & official is the same thing. If we said "dating", it means we are gf/bf.

 

Any insights/comments are welcomed, thank you

[Thegreatestthing]

It's important to talk about,or just assume if he loves you enough that you are exclusive.

Lots of people will tell you it's not exclusive till you meet offline.he seems a bit uncomfortable with it,maybe it's just too soon for him?

 

I thought I was beginning a maybe long distance relationship but he told me tonight that he's going on a date ,I actually encouraged him to date someone locally and he'd told me twice about it so I can't be too bothered but clearly not exclusive like I secretly want.

 

I think it's really hard to be exclusive before you meet,but lots of people have done it I'm sure.

[thysecret]

It's important to talk about,or just assume if he loves you enough that you are exclusive.

Lots of people will tell you it's not exclusive till you meet offline.he seems a bit uncomfortable with it,maybe it's just too soon for him?

 

I thought I was beginning a maybe long distance relationship but he told me tonight that he's going on a date ,I actually encouraged him to date someone locally and he'd told me twice about it so I can't be too bothered but clearly not exclusive like I secretly want.

 

I think it's really hard to be exclusive before you meet,but lots of people have done it I'm sure.

 

 

We are exclusive. Basically we are committed to each other, what we are now is exactly like a relationship. Except the official "label". Well the reason why he never fell for anyone, it's because he fear of being held down therefore he would always run away before things get serious.

 

But towards me, he have no intention of running and in fact wants to be with me forever. Saying "i love you" to me, i do take that as a form of commitment.

 

He shouldn't be a commitment phobe because he talks about marriage/weddings/kids with me. And he's gonna fly thousands of miles to come visit me.

 

Is "official" really that important?

What's the difference?

[justwhoiam]

We are dating, and exclusive. Which means he's not dating anyone else.

Dating means going out with someone on dates. You go to dinner, go to the movies, go out for walks, and it's usually just the couple going out & doing fun things, to get to know one another better and see if there's potential.

 

You never met this guy, so dating is just virtual, which I don't consider as real dating. Sorry. There's no taking you home, no kissing, no interaction other than words. And you're missing out on a lot of things and clues about him.

 

I brought up the "what are we" conversation some time back, he said giving it a label scares him.

He doesn't want something definite. As simple as that. He never met you, after all, so it's just wise he's not committing to anything yet.

 

But he treats me as his girlfriend.

That's your perception.

 

He calls me his girlfriend all the time and said "i love you"

So, he made it clear he'd prefer no labels, but then says you're his girlfriend? Weird. Start calling him 'boyfriend'. And ask him a real plan to meet one another by June 2015. Where planning involves fixed dates and buying a flight by... February?

 

What confuses me is, we are like in a relationship but not official?

Official means he'd let everyone know what you are to him. It's better to meet one another first, before letting everyone know: 1) you might not click in real life, your interest might drop after seeing him in person, for whatever reason and 2) it'd be easier to explain that you like this girl you met there, etc.

 

To me, Exclusive & official is the same thing. If we said "dating", it means we are gf/bf.

Not really. You can date someone and let everyone know, but the only official thing would be that you're seeing someone. Or you can date someone and keep it to yourself. If then things start to develop and both people feel like having a steady relationship, they might go official, telling all their family, relatives and friends that they now have a bf/gf named X. Being exclusive is an agreement between two people about not having multiple partners while getting to know each other. Being official means giving the relationship a label and let everyone know about it.

 

You might be exclusive in his intentions, but not official yet.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't mean to be condescending, but how exactly are you dating if you've never been on a date?

 

I think unless and until you meet, you're not in an "official" relationship. Don't make plans to be with someone forever when you've never laid eyes on them in person, OP. This is extremely premature and I would take that "forever" talk with a huge grain of salt until you meet and develop a relationship offline. He doesn't even want to make it official, and with good reason - there's been zero in-person interaction.

 

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you both? Do you have solid, real plans to meet?