My last hope to save our relationship...... We need to do all the little things again

[Heartbroken27]

Over the past few weeks I noticed that my bf (he lives in NY, I live in Boston) had been getting more and more distant. We both went to college together which is where we met and started dating. Up until a few weeks ago we were always talking and very close to each other. Then when he started to not call as much or talk to me about what was going on in his life i started to worry.

 

Last night I forced myself to ask him about it and it didn't turn out like I wished. He told me that he had also noticed that we were losing our closeness and that he was also conflicted. He said that he loved me very much but that the other part of him didn't want to be in such a close relationship at such a young age. He's 22.

 

When I asked him if he still wanted to try and fix the other part of our relationship he said that he didn't think that there was anything we could possibly do to fix it. I think he's wrong. I've thought about it a lot and I really feel like we just don't do all the little things for each other anymore. We've previously talked about that and neither one of use really made an effort to try and start doing them but I feel like we were both avoiding the truth of what was happening.

 

He also said that he wanted to take a break from each other and see what happens. I've never really heard of anyone taking a break and actually getting back together. I think that should be a last resort if nothing else works. I made him promise me that I could still go up to see him over my spring break so that we could talk face to face instead of over the phone. I feel like if I could just be there we could work through this. I'm so scared that he's going to just move on to someone else when if we take a break and I think part of that is because he broke up with his last girlfriend who he was with for several years just months before we met.

 

I know that he's still in love with me and that neither one of us wants to be hurt like this. When we're together, everything is so good between us. We always have fun together no matter what it is we're doing. We've been together for almost a year and a half and I love him more than anything else. He's helped me through the worst times in my life and I'm just not ready for this relationship to be over. I think that we have a lot left in it if we both just put in the effort.

 

What can I say to convince him that what we still have together is worth salvaging? What else can we do to try and make the other half of our relationship as good as the other? I've been crying nonstop since our talk last night and I need advice on how I can help our relationship and also help him see that we have so much left. There has to be something we can do to change this.

[westernxer]

He said that he loved me very much but that the other part of him didn't want to be in such a close relationship at such a young age.

 

When I asked him if he still wanted to try and fix the other part of our relationship he said that he didn't think that there was anything we could possibly do to fix it. I think he's wrong.

 

If you love him, set him free. At this point it looks like he's made up his mind, and you don't respect him enough to accept his position. You're right about being scared, but you also have to believe in yourself, that you're strong enough to handle this. If you don't let him go, you may end up losing a whole lot more, because he won't respect you for acting irrational/borderline possessive.

 

Hard as it may be, you're going to have to bite the bullet for a certain amount of time. Just don't let it get you down. Go out with friends and date new people. You probably won't want to date, but you've got to make an effort to show him that you've got other things in life besides him. It'll definitely change his perception of you, and maybe he'll come around sooner than you think.

 

Regardless, you've got to let him go. Applying pressure is not going to make things better.

 

Be strong. It's the only way.

[my_manda]

I can tell you from my own personal experience to not cling on so tight. When you won't allow someone to breathe and they are clearing sreaming for space, it only suffices to push someone further away. I had a boyfriend for three years in college and when we broke up, I could not move on, I tried so hard, and to him it made me look pathetic. I know this seems harsh, but five years later, we are now, he married for nearly three years, and me now in a relationship for two, we are friends and he has told me that the greatest distance that was ever created in our relationship was the lack of space I was willing to give.

 

I know you think that a break means never working out again, but believe me, I have gone on breaks and it has worked out. I feel your pain, when you hurt for the one you love, it is like a physical aching on the inside and nothing seems to console you. Please look at the break as a chance for you to show him that you can move on, and that though you may want him, you don't necessarily need him.

[RecordProducer]

I think we all know how it feels to lose someone you're in love with. God, that thing hurts like hell! But sometimes we don't have a choice. You really don't. Just let him go (and don't you cry like rain and beg him to hurry up to end the break!). It's probably over between the two of you, but you never know. Just wait for him to call you (don't call him) and tell him that you accept the break.

There is one thing you can actually do to re-gain him. Pretend that you're cheerful and tell him that you met a great guy and went on a date with him the night before. Say that the break is a very good idea and that you really need it too. It doesn't matter that you already showed how miserable he made you feel. He will buy it anyway. He is used to your honesty and affection and will take for granted whatever you say. But don't tell him that you lied two days later. Don't tell him ever! If he cares, he will be jealous and won't let you date this imaginary guy. If he says he's happy for you then you'll know it's really over. Because if he loves you, he won't be happy to know that you will sleep with someone else.

When my ex boyfriend found out that I am in love with another, he suddenly started begging me to give him another chance claiming he never stopped loving me and he cannot live without me.

Men like competition. Slip away from his hands if you want him to catch you. If you push him and make pressure, the harder you try the farther he will run away from you. And learn that some things (and people) in life you just can't have. When I broke up with my ex-husband it was the end of the world for me. Now I am so happy with my new boyfriend. The divorce was like the second best thing that happened to me in my life. But only a couple of years ago I felt like dying. And now I couldn't be more alive.