what's going on with this guy?

[labellee]

i met this guy a while back through a friend. i could tell he was crushing on me a bit and we ended up hooking up drunkenly a few months later. a few weeks after that, he told me that i was the first person he's really liked in years. i don't want to give away too many specifics regarding our conversation but based on what he said i believe that he meant it. i do think he was genuinely considering a real thing with me at one point.

 

however, i never let my guard down around him because i know when a guy is really, really falling for me and he never showed me all of the signs. i'm used to guys falling for me hard. i attributed this to him being gun-shy (he admitted to me that he moves very slow) due to a previous failed long term relationship that ended pretty badly from what i know. i also know, from his comments, that he could tell i was keeping my distance and that he didn't like that.

 

but now he's starting to show signs of shadiness. he'll try to get me to go to clubs with him. i never can because i'm too busy with real life to party like that right now. he'll go, and from what i can tell it seems like he'll spend the night hitting on girls, and then when he gets home he'll drunk dial me. then he'll text me throughout the week.

 

why is he doing this?!?!?! as a side note, we do go out on dates. ive also had multiple conversations with him about whether this is just about the sex and he says that it's not. but what else would possess a guy to try to get me to go out with him, then flirt with girls all night when i can't, and then call me as soon as he gets home?

 

recently he's slowed down on the texting too. he used to text me almost every day, at most letting only one day pass in between. it's been almost three days now.

 

is he just an assclown? is he not feeling it anymore and just moving it to fwb territory? or is he testing me?

 

i know the only way to find out for real is to talk to him, but honestly i have such a hard time making myself vulnerable to others so i'm not ready to do that yet. i'm not sure what my next move is going to be.

[leavesonautumn]

I know it's hard but you're going to have to talk with him. Pay attention to his body language and how he responds to the conversation. Honestly though, it sounds like this guy is not worth your time if you're clearly not happy with how the relationship is going.

 

Personally, I wouldn't continue seeing this person if I was in your position. Mainly for compatibility issues.

[labellee]

yea i know the walls that i have up are huge issue, both in my romantic life and personal life. i have this need to end every relationship when i still have the upper hand so i tend to walk away as soon as i feel like things are going south. part of me was considering just letting things fade away, but the mature part of me says i should schedule a day date to talk things out and also to let him know that i wouldn't be so cold-hearted as to just fade out on him...i do think at one point it was real for him, if only for a day or two haha. and he sounds pretty jaded from his last relationship so i don't want to hurt him even more...i just don't want to get hurt in the process too.

[Themanwithaplan]

This guy could have bigger walls in place than you. After years of talking yourself out of relationships, it only gets harder when you re-open that door.

I've been devastated by a past long term relationship, and was out of the game for 6 years so I know the difficulties getting past your fear and doubts. At the end of the day, it's better taking a risk than being alone. I don't care about saving face if I like someone and am unsure if they feel the same. So I strongly disagree with your "walking away with the upper hand". That screams insecurity, but I do understand it and its natural to feel that way after being hurt.

It seems like if he's backing away now from texts/calls etc, it could be that he's doubting whether you are actually interested in him. If he's the one initiating most of the calls, texts, and dates, and you turn him down but don't offer another time/place to meet, that can be perceived as rejection. Maybe your lack of reciprocation with calls/texts is giving him the feeling you don't want to see/talk to him.

If you want to pursue this, put your doubts aside and pick up the phone. If not, let him know. Simply walking away is immature and cold even if those aren't your intentions.

[labellee]

This guy could have bigger walls in place than you. After years of talking yourself out of relationships, it only gets harder when you re-open that door.

I've been devastated by a past long term relationship, and was out of the game for 6 years so I know the difficulties getting past your fear and doubts. At the end of the day, it's better taking a risk than being alone. I don't care about saving face if I like someone and am unsure if they feel the same. So I strongly disagree with your "walking away with the upper hand". That screams insecurity, but I do understand it and its natural to feel that way after being hurt.

It seems like if he's backing away now from texts/calls etc, it could be that he's doubting whether you are actually interested in him. If he's the one initiating most of the calls, texts, and dates, and you turn him down but don't offer another time/place to meet, that can be perceived as rejection. Maybe your lack of reciprocation with calls/texts is giving him the feeling you don't want to see/talk to him.

If you want to pursue this, put your doubts aside and pick up the phone. If not, let him know. Simply walking away is immature and cold even if those aren't your intentions.

 

i agree, i owe him a conversation of some sort. if anything to show him that he can trust people as long as he picks the right ones. ive definitely cooled off in the last week, mostly because im very wary of being played and he's starting to show signs of that.

 

im curious about your experience in reentering the dating world after being burned. did you go through a long stage where you would string along girls? he comes off as a bit of a womanizer to me. and what was it like when you met one that you were ready to try things with? was it really bumpy? i don't know there's any real long term potential, we don't have a whole lot in common and i find some aspects of his personality unpleasant, but i do care about him a lot as a person so i'll definitely talk to him.