jellybean Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 So, I woke-up a little while ago, all blurry eyed, and still half asleep...but of course being the internet addict that I am - I went straight to the puter to check my email. William (my gay friend - not that there's anything wrong /with that) had sent some VERY sad news - the timestamp showed 3:23AM. He is friends also with Wayne who works at my company. Wayne suffered a heart attack on the weekend...apparantly he had stopped breathing before they were able to do CPR and give him oxygen. He is in the hospital on life-support, and is officially brain-dead. William asked me to advise management. and to let everyone else know that they can contact the hospital regarding his condition. I contacted my office immediently...there's always people there in the morning - even tho my actual shift doesn't start till noon. The manager I spoke with was shocked, no one had heard anything till now. This is not exactly how I would have liked to start my Monday morning, but it had to be done - and I only hope I handled it with tact and sensitivity. I'll never forget 6 years ago, getting a phonecall in the middle of the night from my step-sister saying " hi, sorry to call so late but I wanted to let you know your Dad died"..... He had passed away suddenly from a massive coronary...I was in shock for months afterwards.......and I was alittle angry at the way my step-sister had relayed the information. I swore to myself that if I ever find myself in that position, that I would certainly show alot more compassion. So this morning when I called and spoke to James (the general sales manager), I GENTLY said "I hope you are sitting down, because I have some bad news"... that gave him a moment to compose himself, before I continued to speak. This is a delicate, uncomfortable position for anyone to be in, and hope I handled it in the right way. Poor Wayne...geez, he was only around the age of 50 and appeared perfectly healthy-looking....I feel so sad.
tiki Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 I am so sorry. My condolences. Re: your dad - I'm sure it does bring back crummy memories. But look how far you've come since then.
brashgal Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 That reminds me - whenever I call my folks late at night my first words have to be "no, noone died, everyone is fine" because that is the first thing they think of.... It is tough news to deliver and unless you have a job in the military or law enforcement you probably only do it a few times in your life - I don't think it is ever easy to give or receive news of a death.
alphamale Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 no, u did fine. he was only 50? boy that is scary cause i turn 40 in a month. my boss's brother died 2 yrs ago from a heart attactk at age 41.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 I'm sorry you had to be the one to deliver the news and there is nothing wrong with the way you did it. And please don't be hard on your sis-in-law. She may have been in shock, or also I know some people don't like to begin with "i have something to tell you...etc etc" and would rather come right out with the bad news. This way the person on the receiving end doesn't begin swirling a hundred ideas in their brain. We never know how someone will react which causes us to second guess ourselves, but really, how someone else reacts is out of our control. And vice versa - we can choose how we react to any given situation no matter how it is presented to us.
Moose Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 My Dad died almost 2 years ago from a heart attack. I wasn't shocked. I was his favorite and we talked all the time. I knew about his health and how bad it was getting. He was 60 when he was sitting in front of his TV at home, butt naked, drinkin' a bud, and probably playin' with himself......I know, how disrespectful huh? I love my dad, but he had his quarks like everyone else.......my siblings shrugged their shoulders when I told them the news, like, "oh well"....... I went to get him, Cutoff, LA in the bayou...his roomates took everything of value and sold it. I brought him back home where he now resides in mom's closet. Noone shed a tear for him except mom and I. I hope I never have to be the bearer of bad news again.
whichwayisup Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 I'm really sorry to hear the news of your friend Jellybean....I know HOW hard it is to tell others and break the sad news. I think you handled it really well, you're sincere and I know that it came across that way earlier today. IT is important to stay calm and be loving and caring because other people freak out and get upset about bad news. My dad died 11 years ago of cancer, I was there when he died - we all were, my mom, sis and bro. Was the hardest thing I ever have gone through. Making some calls and telling people was almost as hard. Answering the questions and listening to what they say back to you. Hang in there and keep posting your thoughts. Lots of hugs to you today because you need them! WWIU.
HokeyReligions Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Been there. You delivered the news just fine. It is shocking and will take some adjustment for you and your co-workers. My husband's cousin left a message on our answering machine - "John, your dad died this morning." and that was it. I'm glad I heard the message first and was able to tell my husband. I've also had to call people I didn't know and tell them that someone had passed on. It's never easy. The older I get the more people my age die and I see my own mortality getting bigger in my window. 50 is pretty young. My SIL died just after turning 41. She was always older than me and now I'm older than she was when she died. Same with my kids, my youngest died at an older age than my oldest. Just doesn't seem right. How lucky we all are to have loved and been loved by those we now mourn. Their love was worth so much more than the pain of their loss.
nothingwrong Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Originally posted by jellybean William (my gay friend - not that there's anything wrong /with that) had sent some VERY sad news William's gayness seems to have nothing to do with your story. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I just find it hilarious when people have to throw stuff like that in irrelevant places, along with the reminder that there's nothing wrong with that. That aside, it really throws everyone in the work place when someone dies, doesn't it. Rough stuff.
Author jellybean Posted February 22, 2005 Author Posted February 22, 2005 So Wayne is gone now. They took him off life-support. The atmosphere in the office was like having a huge, gloomy, black cloud floating above us. We will all be advised of the funeral arrangements. Wayne was an extremely hard-worker...in fact he even held down another job where he would work till like 2 or 3 in the morning. I never knew his medical history, or if heart disease ran in his family...but I am convinced that STRESS can be a killer. Goodbye sweetheart...you will be missed dearly.
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 I'm sorry for your loss Jellybean. Hugs! WWIU
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