danielleeroseee Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 He dumped me in a text on Sunday & we haven't really texted much on Monday he texted me twice & I ignored him then I finally responded & he was nice at first then was kinda rude. I want my stuff but he said he just needs Space.. What does this mean? & what should I do? He lives two hours from me & my car isn't working at the moment so he would have to come down here.. I said I think we should talk about things & he said "I'll let you know." What's his deal? He won't give me a flat out reason why he dumped me it kinda changes each time it's mentioned.. We started dating & spent all out time together & I knew it was too soon for that.. But my question is is if he dumped me why would he need space? I was an amazing girlfriend. I cleaned his house while he was at work.. I made him dinner whatever he wanted. He chased me for 5 months until I finally gave him a shot & I finally did & he just dumped me away not even a month into our relationship.. Our one month would have been on the 18th.. I told him yeah I'll give him his space but why in the heck do you need space when you dumped me? If you're done with me give me my things & be done with it!
ponchsox Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Needing space means he doesn't want to be with you. I hate to break it to you but being a great girlfriend doesn't mean cleaning and cooking for him whenever he wants. I couldn't respect a girl who acted like a slave. It should come as a surprise once in a while. 2
Author danielleeroseee Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 Needing space means he doesn't want to be with you. I hate to break it to you but being a great girlfriend doesn't mean cleaning and cooking for him whenever he wants. I couldn't respect a girl who acted like a slave. It should come as a surprise once in a while. If he didn't wanna be with me then why not give me my things. & I loved to do those things for him & he was the type of guy that loved it as well. He said he enjoyed having someone do those things for him & I didn't mind it.
Elle1975 Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 If he didn't wanna be with me then why not give me my things. & I loved to do those things for him & he was the type of guy that loved it as well. He said he enjoyed having someone do those things for him & I didn't mind it. He enjoyed it, at first, while he wasn't sure if you were his. Then you kept on doing it, and it pretty much was taken for granted. As for keeping your things, he's probably keeping his options open.
erklat Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) She being a housewife doesn't mean she is a slave. It means she is responsible partner for living together. Answer on your question is that it means he realized he is not that into you once he got what he wanted. It also has a flavor of keeping you on a backburner while he explores his options. Forget about him. I was an a55hole like that once upon a time and now I'm praying that I get an opportunity to be with someone as valuable as she was. Edited July 16, 2014 by erklat 2
Zahara Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 If he didn't wanna be with me then why not give me my things. & I loved to do those things for him & he was the type of guy that loved it as well. He said he enjoyed having someone do those things for him & I didn't mind it. Because dumpers and dumpees use "stuff" as an excuse to open communication at some point. While he holds your things, it gives him the opportunity to see what's out there while he puts you on the backburner. If he decides there's nothing out there or he's bored, he'll use "stuff" as an icebreaker and rope you back in.
Author danielleeroseee Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 She being a housewife doesn't mean she is a slave. It means she is responsible partner for living together. Answer on your question is that it means he realized he is not that into you once he got what he wanted. It also has a flavor of keeping you on a backburner while he explores his options. This makes a lot of sense. After we slept together a few times he became more distant. I could tell he still loved all the things I did for him but he became less appreciative.. He was very distant. I'm not sure what I should do in this situation then? He's always been the type to have girls all over him & I know he enjoys it. Do I wait a few weeks? Do I demand my stuff? I'm just not sure on how to handle all of this. Although he was distant at times he always said we were good & not so worry so the breakup was out of the blue.
veggirl Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 If he didn't wanna be with me then why not give me my things. & I loved to do those things for him & he was the type of guy that loved it as well. He said he enjoyed having someone do those things for him & I didn't mind it. well duh, who wouldn't want a free maid and cook?! I'd enjoy having someone do those things for me, too! he needs space because you guys, as you know, rushed into things WAY too fast. I mean wtf you are playing wifey after dating him for less than 4 weeks?! What happened to the DATING part of dating? Why would you even be at his house when he's at work this early on? 1
veggirl Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 She being a housewife doesn't mean she is a slave. It means she is responsible partner for living together. Answer on your question is that it means he realized he is not that into you once he got what he wanted. It also has a flavor of keeping you on a backburner while he explores his options. Forget about him. I was an a55hole like that once upon a time and now I'm praying that I get an opportunity to be with someone as valuable as she was. Who said anything about being a housewife? They dated for less than a month! Spin it how you want, that is too early to be playing house.
Author danielleeroseee Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 well duh, who wouldn't want a free maid and cook?! I'd enjoy having someone do those things for me, too! he needs space because you guys, as you know, rushed into things WAY too fast. I mean wtf you are playing wifey after dating him for less than 4 weeks?! What happened to the DATING part of dating? Why would you even be at his house when he's at work this early on? Haha, I'm a very nurturing person.. I take care of my grandfather full time. I told him that I cook & clean pretty much for a living & he always said how he picked a winner. I've always been that type of person. As for me staying there he asked me to stay there weeks time because I live hours from him & my car is not working it's gonna cost so much to get it fixed. He also offered to pay for my car but I didn't think that was appropriate. He asked me if I ever would move in with a boyfriend early on in the relationship as well.. Kinda avoided that question I told him I would move in with a guy after dating awhile & he never brought it up again.
Author danielleeroseee Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 Because dumpers and dumpees use "stuff" as an excuse to open communication at some point. While he holds your things, it gives him the opportunity to see what's out there while he puts you on the backburner. If he decides there's nothing out there or he's bored, he'll use "stuff" as an icebreaker and rope you back in. So do I demand my things or wait it out?
Zahara Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 So do I demand my things or wait it out? You ask for your things one more time. If he dismisses you, forget about your things and move on. Unless it's an heirloom from your grandmother, material things aren't worth prolonging the pain. Block him and start your healing.
BC1980 Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I was an amazing girlfriend. I cleaned his house while he was at work.. I made him dinner whatever he wanted. He chased me for 5 months until I finally gave him a shot & I finally did & he just dumped me away not even a month into our relationship.. Our one month would have been on the 18th.. I told him yeah I'll give him his space but why in the heck do you need space when you dumped me? If you're done with me give me my things & be done with it! This is the classic guy who likes the chase and becomes bored when he gets what he wants. Don't be surprised if he comes back once you go silent. Some people are addicted to the drama and the high of chasing someone. I don't get it, but it seems to be a real thing. Also, cleaning his house and cooking him dinner whenever he wanted makes you a doormat. Women think that is being a good girlfriend, but most men don't see it that way. I wouldn't be cleaning anyone's house I had only dated for a month. As much as you see it as a kind gesture, it comes off as controlling and possibly trying to move the relationship too fast. Cleaning and cooking are domestic things that might give the wrong signals at that point in the game. 1
Author danielleeroseee Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 This is the classic guy who likes the chase and becomes bored when he gets what he wants. Don't be surprised if he comes back once you go silent. Some people are addicted to the drama and the high of chasing someone. I don't get it, but it seems to be a real thing. Also, cleaning his house and cooking him dinner whenever he wanted makes you a doormat. Women think that is being a good girlfriend, but most men don't see it that way. I wouldn't be cleaning anyone's house I had only dated for a month. As much as you see it as a kind gesture, it comes off as controlling and possibly trying to move the relationship too fast. Cleaning and cooking are domestic things that might give the wrong signals at that point in the game. I understand.. Like I said I take care of my grandpa full time & I guess it's second nature to do those kinds of things.. Not just for men.. But even my closest friends.. I always offer to do those things just for anyone..
Simon Phoenix Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Yeah, I wouldn't be a huge fan of someone I just started dating cleaning my place. Not that my place doesn't need a cleaning right now, but a) I would go out of my way to have my place pretty clean anyway if I knew I was having people over and b) if they were cleaning my place it would almost be seen as a message of "I don't like how you run your apartment, I'm going to make it how I want it." I would find that to be intrusive. Now, after a while and after you've gotten to a place where you are a regular visitor, then I'd be ok with it. But I would find that to be very pushy off the bat. That being said, a break should be treated as a breakup. People don't go on "breaks" with people they are gung-ho about being in a relationship with. They wouldn't want to risk losing that person during the break.
Author danielleeroseee Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 Yeah, I wouldn't be a huge fan of someone I just started dating cleaning my place. Not that my place doesn't need a cleaning right now, but a) I would go out of my way to have my place pretty clean anyway if I knew I was having people over and b) if they were cleaning my place it would almost be seen as a message of "I don't like how you run your apartment, I'm going to make it how I want it." I would find that to be intrusive. Now, after a while and after you've gotten to a place where you are a regular visitor, then I'd be ok with it. But I would find that to be very pushy off the bat. That being said, a break should be treated as a breakup. People don't go on "breaks" with people they are gung-ho about being in a relationship with. They wouldn't want to risk losing that person during the break. He used to tell me to do his dishes that's the thing.. I dont know the first time he said "babe will you do these dishes" I was kind of caught of guard because I did his dishes every day & he would always say you're awesome or something but then when he told me to do them I was surprised so honestly I dint think he cared ha. I never rearranged anything I just did little things like dishes & sweeping & making him dinner he would ask me to so I just did it.. I also just made his bed and vacuumed & picked up after his cat. So nothing major.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 He used to tell me to do his dishes that's the thing.. I dont know the first time he said "babe will you do these dishes" I was kind of caught of guard because I did his dishes every day & he would always say you're awesome or something but then when he told me to do them I was surprised so honestly I dint think he cared ha. I never rearranged anything I just did little things like dishes & sweeping & making him dinner he would ask me to so I just did it.. I also just made his bed and vacuumed & picked up after his cat. So nothing major. So you basically were the hired help. That's way too much to be doing after a month of dating someone.
Zahara Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) . I never rearranged anything I just did little things like dishes & sweeping & making him dinner he would ask me to so I just did it.. I also just made his bed and vacuumed & picked up after his cat. So nothing major. OP, don't do this next time. You end up 1) looking like his mother 2) you exhibit too much too soon 3) he could pick up on this as you bending over backwards, playing nice and sweet GF to make him like you 4) you become someone he takes advantage of. Worst of all, you present playing housewife and that can be a turn off to a very new relationship. He's a grown man. He can make his own bed. He can feed his own cat. He can do his damn dishes. He can feed himself. He did all that before he met you. Some may appreciate you and worship the ground you walk on but some may just take advantage of you and soon enough get turned off by the seemingly motherly role. Doing it for your grandfather and your friends is one thing. They have earned your trust, your loyalty and your compassion. This man is someone you dated for a month. Not deserving just yet. Two different scenarios. Edited July 16, 2014 by Zahara 3
Author danielleeroseee Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 OP, don't do this next time. You end up 1) looking like his mother 2) you exhibit too much too soon 3) he could pick up on this as you bending over backwards, playing nice and sweet GF to make him like you 4) you become someone he takes advantage of. Worst of all, you present playing housewife and that can be a turn off to a very new relationship. He's a grown man. He can make his own bed. He can feed his own cat. He can do his damn dishes. He can feed himself. He did all that before he met you. Some may appreciate you and worship the ground you walk on but some may just take advantage of you and soon enough get turned off by the seemingly motherly role. Doing it for your grandfather and your friends is one thing. They have earned your trust, your loyalty and your compassion. This man is someone you dated for a month. Not deserving just yet. Two different scenarios. Sounds about right ha.. Not quite a man he just turned 20 he is younger than me. It's interesting because he chased me for 5 months I finally gave him the shot & he kinda just dumped me in a text. His loss I guess. He has texted me a few times & I have ignored him. He said he wanted space so why is he contacting me? Haha I have no idea!
Zahara Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) Sounds about right ha.. Not quite a man he just turned 20 he is younger than me. It's interesting because he chased me for 5 months I finally gave him the shot & he kinda just dumped me in a text. His loss I guess. He has texted me a few times & I have ignored him. He said he wanted space so why is he contacting me? Haha I have no idea! This is common with dumpers. They dump you but still contact you because it's nice to still have someone paying them attention, giving them an ego boost, being there incase they're bored or can't find much out there -- so they contact to keep it alive, to keep you on a string -- just incase they may need to come back. He just turned 20. All the more reason you should forget about the man-child. Space. That's when he wants to keep you neither here nor there. It keeps you confused and holding on because it gives you hope. And it's working. Edited July 16, 2014 by Zahara
Author danielleeroseee Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 This is common with dumpers. They dump you but still contact you because it's nice to still have someone paying them attention, giving them an ego boost, being there incase they're bored or can't find much out there -- so they contact to keep it alive, to keep you on a string -- just incase they may need to come back. He just turned 20. All the more reason you should forget about the man-child. Space. That's when he wants to keep you neither here nor there. It keeps you confused and holding on because it gives you hope. And it's working. You're right, I'm very confused. But I'm focusing on me & what I need to accomplish for myself & if he happens to contact me in a few weeks I'll go from there I suppose. Thank you for your input!
Author danielleeroseee Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 This is common with dumpers. They dump you but still contact you because it's nice to still have someone paying them attention, giving them an ego boost, being there incase they're bored or can't find much out there -- so they contact to keep it alive, to keep you on a string -- just incase they may need to come back. He just turned 20. All the more reason you should forget about the man-child. Space. That's when he wants to keep you neither here nor there. It keeps you confused and holding on because it gives you hope. And it's working. Update: he randomly texted me last night asking if I was up.. After contemplating if I should respond I did & told him yes he asked me if I wanted to know what he really thought & I asked what's that. He proceeded to tell me what he thinks I need to do with my life & what I should focus on.. Honestly it really upset me because this isn't his business at all he dumped me so why is he trying to tell me what I need to do with my life.. I almost feel like he is trying to justify this break up & him being a ****ty guy by telling me what I do wrong to make himself feel better.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Update: he randomly texted me last night asking if I was up.. After contemplating if I should respond I did & told him yes he asked me if I wanted to know what he really thought & I asked what's that. He proceeded to tell me what he thinks I need to do with my life & what I should focus on.. Honestly it really upset me because this isn't his business at all he dumped me so why is he trying to tell me what I need to do with my life.. I almost feel like he is trying to justify this break up & him being a ****ty guy by telling me what I do wrong to make himself feel better. Well, no more responding now.
BC1980 Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Update: he randomly texted me last night asking if I was up.. After contemplating if I should respond I did & told him yes he asked me if I wanted to know what he really thought & I asked what's that. He proceeded to tell me what he thinks I need to do with my life & what I should focus on.. Honestly it really upset me because this isn't his business at all he dumped me so why is he trying to tell me what I need to do with my life.. I almost feel like he is trying to justify this break up & him being a ****ty guy by telling me what I do wrong to make himself feel better. This is why you don't respond at all to the dumper. It's usually just a bunch of BS they want to tell you.
mightycpa Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 If I may be so bold, you don't demand that he bring you your stuff. It's your stuff. Go get it. Borrow or rent a car, or better yet, have a friend take you and make sure that they say they have to go right away once you get there.
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