SailorGirl925 Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 It's been 7 days now of NC. Not a peep from my ex and I don't care anymore. The first 4-5 days I was in this bizarre state of anxiety. You know that feeling of doom like something horrible is going to happen and your heart just keeps beating 100 miles an hour? Finally that has subsided and I've accepted the fact we are done. I will never ever go back to him. I don't expect to hear from him. I just hate feeling so vulnerable and I will not tell anyone we broke up because people either don't care or secretly like to see you suffer. Telling my coworkers anything about my personal life is a big no-no so I just pretend nothing happened. I'm just incredibly lonely. I don't have family and just a couple of friends but they are in relationships. My son is 22 but he's off in his own world. At age 51 I am fighting to keep my mind from running away with worry and depression. I was so ready to settle down and enjoy life with my ex - we were very compatible. After he got fired from his job it just went downhill quick and he just stopped talking to me. He was pretty arrogant prior to getting fired so this was a huge blow to his ego. I think he dumped me to save face and embarrassment. He did me a huge favor. I didn't realize how many red flags there were until now. He didn't care about me - he was too self absorbed. Getting fired just rocked his world and for the first time in his life he had to humble himself (sell his Corvette, realize he wasn't a bigshot at work, people he interviewed with after he got fired - he just knew he'd get another job immediately but no one called him back). He deserves what he gets. To dump me he just did me a huge favor because as time passes I realize I was not seeing him for who he truly was - a narcisstic arse. It's getting easier day by day. I'm not lying in bed staring at the ceiling wondering WTH happened. I'm planning on making a major career change and maybe following my dream of moving to Florida so I can be near the beach and go fishing and paint my tropical art and fish paintings. It's time for me now. I keep giving to others only to get massacred by people I love and trust so maybe I need to focus on me. I'm lonely but I'm ok. I hate my job so maybe I need to just take a leap of faith and do what makes ME happy for once. Being nice and loving others just keeps bringing me betrayal and heartbreak so I'm ready to go out on my own adventure. I'm just so mad that I gave this man so much of my time. I sat there holding his hand and watching him have breakdown after breakdown after he lost his job and he telling me he loved me and that I was such an angel for being there for him that he'd never forget it.....only to be cut off and ignored without any explanation. I'm still wondering what happened but it's him - not me. I did nothing wrong but be there for him. Jerk. SOB. Loser. I will never, ever give him the time of day again. He's dead to me now. Thanks for listening. Had to talk to someone about this. It hurts but I will be ok. 2
LostConfused123 Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Hi. Glad you are having your good days. Our stories are kinda similar in a few ways. I don't really have any advice but wanted to let you know you are welcome to PM me when you can. I would like that actually. I'm not hitting on you. hahaha! I'm well past my twenties and also an artist. Oh and also ANGRY!! LOL!!! But like you, I'm healing day by day. Best of luck! ((hugs!)) p.s. Moving to Florida and pursuing your passion sounds like an awesome plan!
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