ThaWholigan Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 There are some good answers here so I will make just a couple of points. Have a standard for your potential mate with the understanding that you may limit your pool of dates and potential mates for sticking to it. Also, move on as soon as you understand you aren't compatible sexually because you cannot ever change another person nor should you try to. I personally don't agree with most males here because sex was so easy for me to get. I never judged someone on something so biologically natural or so wonderful. I had sober and mutually beautiful experiences with amazing, cultured independent women, not drunken hookups. I have no data on men not getting sex with the same ease as beautiful women though I did let them initially pursue me because I didn't want to be too aggressive. Some people can't see past their own experiences to realize that frequent, easy, casual sex is something men and women both enjoy. And, no i wasn't a player, just a guy who enjoyed women and loved their company. I can't relate to those who feel insecure about girls who have a higher number. I wasn't short on worth or self esteem to enjoy the bodies and intimacies many beautiful and well adjusted ladies offered me. We shared something wonderful, though for various reasons didn't turn into a relationship. These women were some of the most independent healthy people I have ever met, and they knew exactly what they wanted. Women have the right to do whatever they want with their bodies without being shamed. If you aren't into girls who have a higher count due to your own insecurities and possible intimidation because of your lack of opportunities, don't pursue those girls. There are many women who want virgins, low count guys because they are the same. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be intimidated by someone who is more sexually advanced, has different expectations. or who are more open minded than you. It is just a preference. However, keep your judgments to yourself because they just make you sound sanctimonious, and if they aren't your type, what they do is none of your business. I think she did you a favor by being honest with you about her past. She's right, this has nothing to do with you. Just find someone more compatible. There is nothing more detrimental to a potential relationship than judgement. Move on. There is not just one straight path to finding enlightenment or love. Good luck, Grumps In my observations, casual sex has been easy to come by for people of both genders in my immediate environment. 5
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 What I want to know is how the conversation went for her to say something like that. I would find it a bit depressing if I was dating a girl who told me that she thought I had spent my younger years as a loser while she was out having "fun" (which is oddly always a euphemism for sex). I know that, I don't need the person I'm supposed to be in a relationship with to tell me that to my face. Like my past and your past have no bearing (or should have no bearing) on the current relationship. It's why I don't really need or want to know about people's past. Now, if you brought it up in a judgmental way, then I can see why something like that might have been said. 5
umirano Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 What that means is that you're liable to take anything anyone says out of context in order to pick at one facet of the piece of text. Well, if we aren't clear about the words we use and what real world object they represent, then what's the point of even having a discussion? I'm sorry if clarifying a word is so upsetting. Which you have done so really by focusing on my singular use of a word, however erroneous it was, to make a point that has little bearing on the point I was making. Again, how am I to know it was not important to you? I assume most posters mean what they post and that it's important. I'm not going for some mystical general point in people's posts but for concrete things they say. Sometimes they convince me, and sometimes they don't. I fail to see what kind of context I omitted that would change the meaning of that specific part of your post that I quoted. You then went onto exaggerate my point at the end there - nowhere did I equate a woman with high numbers to a heroine or bravery. It's a choice that she feels more free to make, simple. Ok, I'll explain in different words what I was trying to say before. It rubs me the wrong way when having a comparably high number is being labeled in a way that makes it look like this - for a girl - is something exceptional that demands special respect. I thought that's why you used the word "liberal". Because it has generally a positive, open minded, free spirited (whatever you like) connotation. It's not immoral if they have a high number, and I never use words like the one we're arguing about in conversation to "shame" anyone. It's just a word. Like "liberal". Words have one or more meanings and they should be used correctly to avoid confusion. Things, real world objects, need a symbol (=a word) so we can communicate about them to each other. I don't understand why people get so hung up on the fact that some girls who fulfill the criteria, are called a certain way. So can be guys. Come up with a derogative term for guys with a high number, I couldn't care less. I have a theory why there is a derogative term for girls and not one for guys (as some people seem to think that's the case, and a problem at the same time): My theory is that the fact that for girls it is a lot easier to have a high number devalues relationships (at least sexual ones) to them. Anything that's abundant is "cheap", right? Air costs nothing, soft drinks are cheap, compared to wine, etc. High number girls are perceived to not be very picky once the guy meets certain outside criteria, possibly meaning they have not very high standards or none at all when it comes to criteria that are not easily assessed within a short time frame or optically. A guy can have very low standards. It doesn't matter. He'll most likely always have to look longer and harder to find a girl. I'm not saying it's unfair (for the guys) that this difference in dating options exists. It's just what it is. I'm also not always very happy with the weather here, but it's just the way it is. Similarly I think there's no reason to be so worked up about the use of this word that we can't use here anymore. People who misuse it, and I don't deny that there are many, out themselves as incompetent and they should be called out for misusing that word. Enlighten me then - what is the driver? It's right there in my post: I don't see how him being liberal has the slightest importance compared to First and foremost: Opportunity (girls wanting to get laid)locationtiminglooks
umirano Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) I personally don't agree with most males here because sex was so easy for me to get. Would you say in that regard you're close to the population's average? Below? Above? I never judged someone on something so biologically natural or so wonderful. I'm sorry, but where is someone judged for sex as such? If judging takes place is it not about a count rather than about the thing itself? I don't find your side of the argument being very precise over all. A lot of things that are natural and wonderful get people (of both gender) criticized if done excessively. Some people can't see past their own experiences to realize that frequent, easy, casual sex is something men and women both enjoy. You're joking right? Who's really saying sex (especially if it's frequent, easy and casual) isn't enjoyable? You make it sound as if those who don't have a lot of frequent easy and casual sex don't know that sex is enjoyable. I find that statement to be extremely out of touch with reality. Women have the right to do whatever they want with their bodies without being shamed. Same applies to men? If yes then there should be no more shameful terms for anyone doing whatever he wants with his body. Like liar, cheater, player? Clearly that's not flying like this. Should they be shamed for having many indiscriminate sexual contacts with a great number of partners? Not if you ask me. But if they're so strong and what they're doing is so great for everyone then I don't see how some low count loser's s-word utterance can be a problem for anyone. Curiously the two females with the highest count (that I know of) on this forum are now not very happy with their past. The s-word users vs. the shame the s-word users - or however we end up calling the two sides of the argument - is almost like the religious vs non-religious debate. I think it's more about what the participants like to be true than what is actually observable. Edited July 16, 2014 by umirano formatting error 1
ThaWholigan Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Well, if we aren't clear about the words we use and what real world object they represent, then what's the point of even having a discussion? I'm sorry if clarifying a word is so upsetting. Not really upsetting, but your fault for honing in on that part of the post instead of taking it in as a whole, then you would have understood that I used the word as an antonym as opposed to be making a statement. It was (ironically) a "liberal" use of the word . Again, how am I to know it was not important to you? I assume most posters mean what they post and that it's important. I'm not going for some mystical general point in people's posts but for concrete things they say. Sometimes they convince me, and sometimes they don't. I did mean what I said, you misinterpreted it by focusing on the word and not the point. It wasn't exactly a stretch to understand what I was saying. I fail to see what kind of context I omitted that would change the meaning of that specific part of your post that I quoted. OK, here: Ok, I'll explain in different words what I was trying to say before. It rubs me the wrong way when having a comparably high number is being labeled in a way that makes it look like this - for a girl - is something exceptional that demands special respect. I thought that's why you used the word "liberal". Because it has generally a positive, open minded, free spirited (whatever you like) connotation. Nobody has done this on this thread or the previous one of this type. It's not the point I was making, but obviously you thought I was saying that a girl with high numbers deserves special praise. And ironically, you quoted it in a post I made praising a girl with low numbers . You took that one bit and ran with it in your own direction, in what was a post basically saying that everyone's sexuality exists on a spectrum where everyone can explore it (within reason of course, no children, no animals etc) should they wish to. There wasn't a special praise of high numbered people. Occasionally some person will decry girls with high numbers and they will be defended. It is often said that they aren't "relationship material" and I don't agree with that. It's not immoral if they have a high number, and I never use words like the one we're arguing about in conversation to "shame" anyone. It's just a word. Like "liberal". Words have one or more meanings and they should be used correctly to avoid confusion. Things, real world objects, need a symbol (=a word) so we can communicate about them to each other. I don't understand why people get so hung up on the fact that some girls who fulfill the criteria, are called a certain way. So can be guys. Come up with a derogative term for guys with a high number, I couldn't care less. The word you are referring to is generally used in a deliberately malicious fashion, particularly when this topic comes up. Which is why people get hung up on it. I tend not to use the word unless she wants me to call her that in the bedroom . I guess we both have a lot of work to do in clarifying our own usage of words then! I have a theory why there is a derogative term for girls and not one for guys (as some people seem to think that's the case, and a problem at the same time): My theory is that the fact that for girls it is a lot easier to have a high number devalues relationships (at least sexual ones) to them. Anything that's abundant is "cheap", right? Air costs nothing, soft drinks are cheap, compared to wine, etc. High number girls are perceived to not be very picky once the guy meets certain outside criteria, possibly meaning they have not very high standards or none at all when it comes to criteria that are not easily assessed within a short time frame or optically. Your view is a common one and it's not one shared by myself, nor girls who can easily sustain a relationship despite having a high number. Obviously, your theory can be construed as an insult, whether you intend that or not . A guy can have very low standards. It doesn't matter. He'll most likely always have to look longer and harder to find a girl. As I've said, this hasn't necessarily been so for most guys I know. Maybe I just know a lot of attractive guys. I'm not saying it's unfair (for the guys) that this difference in dating options exists. It's just what it is. I'm also not always very happy with the weather here, but it's just the way it is. Similarly I think there's no reason to be so worked up about the use of this word that we can't use here anymore. People who misuse it, and I don't deny that there are many, out themselves as incompetent and they should be called out for misusing that word. I can somewhat agree. People are going to judge you for stuff and call you whatever they want to make themselves feel better and make you feel like sh*t. I've been called all kinds of stuff over the years - you get used to it. I guess people just don't like being "shamed". It's right there in my post: 1
Grumpybutfun Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) Please read bolded for your entertainment enjoyment. Would you say in that regard you're close to the population's average? Below? Above? I personally don't know or care about averages. Other people's stuff is their own. I don't follow, I lead. I'm sorry, but where is someone judged for sex as such? If judging takes place is it not about a count rather than about the thing itself? I don't find your side of the argument being very precise over all. A lot of things that are natural and wonderful get people (of both gender) criticized if done excessively. The OP was concerned with numbers, not morality. If people want to base their decisions on morality, they won't be dating high count men or women to begin with so your point is negligible. Again, I don't care what other people criticize, I hold my own counsel about my own conduct and don't concern myself if the other person isn't compatible to begin with. This post was based on a vague conversation that seemed like an emotional response to his gf having a high count. Since we have little to go on, I made an observation based on my two points. You're joking right? Who's really saying sex (especially if it's frequent, easy and casual) isn't enjoyable? You make it sound as if those who don't have a lot of frequent easy and casual sex don't know that sex is enjoyable. I find that statement to be extremely out of touch with reality. No, I wasn't joking. If read in context and comprehended as part of my original two points, this statement was to discourage the idea that only women get casual sex easily and frequently. It is reality for some men also. Same applies to men? If yes then there should be no more shameful terms for anyone doing whatever he wants with his body. Like liar, cheater, player? Being a liar, cheater or player is shameful because you overtly hurt others with your actions. Having adult consensual sex isn't a shameful practice. If it is personally shameful the onus is on them not to do it, not others to degrade them. Again, if the OP doesn't want a high count gf, he can move on while being respectful and kind about her past. Common courtesy is best, and you can't change other people or the past so why bother with drama? Clearly that's not flying like this. Should they be shamed for having many indiscriminate sexual contacts with a great number of partners? Not if you ask me. But if they're so strong and what they're doing is so great for everyone then I don't see how some low count loser's s-word utterance can be a problem for anyone. Disparaging people with loaded name calling is unkind. Common courtesy suggests kindness. If you don't see how name calling is unkind, maybe read up on bullying and it's effects. Curiously the two females with the highest count (that I know of) on this forum are now not very happy with their past. I don't have the same perception. I see relief at being in relationships, not regret for their life experiences. The s-word users vs. the shame the s-word users - or however we end up calling the two sides of the argument - is almost like the religious vs non-religious debate. I think it's more about what the participants like to be true than what is actually observable. There are actually ten sides to every argument but most people don't have the impartiality to see them clearly to make an informed decision. Most opinions are social constructs and theories based on emotional responses. Truth is subjective. Live and let live. So simple and yet that concept topples nations, befuddles Philosophers and destroys fledgling and long term relationships. Edited July 16, 2014 by Grumpybutfun 6
todreaminblue Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) I had sex in upper 20s by the time I was out of High School. Had sex with 4 separate girls in the same day. I think I may have you beat! But I agree. My girlfriend now can actually make me finish. I could never finish with random flings for some reason... unless I was trying for it for a long time! i am an ex escort.and i cannot give you a number...i just dont know the number.......and you are right randoms just dont have that special feeling....as an ex escort when i fall in love with someone there is no comparison to just sex.....i equate random sex to be mechanical...but thats me because it became hard manual labor, when i am with a guy i love.....it feels different and i can just be me and knwo they actually care if i am sore or tired or feeling ill or a guy i love normally makes me feel like i am a woman not just a physical body to use........deb Edited July 16, 2014 by todreaminblue 3
umirano Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Your view is a common one and it's not one shared by myself It's not my view really. I just think that type of thinking explains why many men, and women (!) use this term. Like I said, I don't think girls with a high number need to have a derogative term to identify them. We could as well just say high-number girls if we need a specific expression. The problem is, I think, after a while "high-number girl" would end up having the same negative, derogative connotation because that's how the people behind the term are viewed by a certain part of the population. And that's the reason why I find the battle against this, or any other word for that matter, so futile. Take the gay community. "Gay" once used to be derogative, and still is in certain social groups. But they've pretty much managed to turn the term around by owning and proudly self applying it. At least in the mainstream media "gay" has no negative connotation anymore whatsoever because being gay really isn't a bad thing. It isn't evil, nor is it a special good deed. It's something like being blue eyed or red haired to a growing majority of people. Does anyone think the s-word will go through a transformation like that at some point? I personally doubt it because of the clearly negative and damaging concepts that stand behind the correct application of the word. But maybe I'd just use that word in a very weird way, if I did at all.
umirano Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) Please read bolded for your entertainment enjoyment. Understanding a numerical relationship on social processes doesn't have to do anything with followingYou replied within my quote so it's tedious to address your points with proper quotesThe term OOOPS (s-word) has a concrete meaningIt should not be used wronglyIt is used wrongly oftenFighting a word or the use of it makes little sense to me as long as it is used correctlyI agree bullying is not OK, the question is, again, whether the word is used correctly or notA girl having a high number doesn't warrant using the s-wordI don't know any s-words personally and thus have no need for a special word. High-number girl / guy is perfectly fine for my purposes.Truth is anything but subjective. That's exactly what truth isn't. By its very definition it is the same for different subjects, thus objective. But I agree finding truth is hard and a lot of people give up and come up with their subjective idea of truth and then defend it to death regardless of what goes on around them. There are actually ten sides to every argument but most people don't have the impartiality to see them clearly to make an informed decision. Most opinions are social constructs and theories based on emotional responses. Truth is subjective. Live and let live. So simple and yet that concept topples nations, befuddles Philosophers and destroys fledgling and long term relationships. Edited July 16, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
kaylan Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) "Don't blame me because you weren't getting any when I was giving it out. It's not my fault that I was getting laid and having a lot more bedroom fun than you!" I will admit to giving a few girls that I dated serious grief about being way more sexually experienced than me and having a much higher number than mine after the "tell all" discussion comes out. What really snapped everything into focus and made me grow up quicker as a man was accepting the reality that I had no right to judge what I was NOT a part of. Her past is her past. It's not mine. Id dump a girl right then and there for such a sh!!tty response. It would be more about the attitude and less about the number. Cus shes basically saying "Yeah Ima woman who can get laid when I want, and I was just giving it out. Sucks that you couldnt get laid" Comes off as basically embracing a promiscuous attitude and shaming a dude for not being promiscuous himself. And tbh, I wouldnt even be seriously dating a woman if I had issues with her past to begin with. The past shapes who we are today. So Im well within my right to make judgement of a girls relationship or even FWB suitability based on her past. And a woman is free to judge my past as well. Im honest, not ashamed of my life, and willing to share all info. No biggie to me. Gotta just find who you fit with.That just seems like a really weird, mean-spirited thing to say. like "haha sucker, sucks to be you" or something. idk, it rubbed me the wrong way. This exactly. Honestly, that girl's statement reminded me of the boys back during highschool who would make fun of and shame guys who still happened to be virgins over the age of 16. Edited July 16, 2014 by kaylan 5
kaylan Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) There are some good answers here so I will make just a couple of points. Have a standard for your potential mate with the understanding that you may limit your pool of dates and potential mates for sticking to it. Also, move on as soon as you understand you aren't compatible sexually because you cannot ever change another person nor should you try to. I personally don't agree with most males here because sex was so easy for me to get. I never judged someone on something so biologically natural or so wonderful. I had sober and mutually beautiful experiences with amazing, cultured independent women, not drunken hookups. I have no data on men not getting sex with the same ease as beautiful women though I did let them initially pursue me because I didn't want to be too aggressive. Some people can't see past their own experiences to realize that frequent, easy, casual sex is something men and women both enjoy. And, no i wasn't a player, just a guy who enjoyed women and loved their company. I can't relate to those who feel insecure about girls who have a higher number. I wasn't short on worth or self esteem to enjoy the bodies and intimacies many beautiful and well adjusted ladies offered me. We shared something wonderful, though for various reasons didn't turn into a relationship. These women were some of the most independent healthy people I have ever met, and they knew exactly what they wanted. Women have the right to do whatever they want with their bodies without being shamed. If you aren't into girls who have a higher count due to your own insecurities and possible intimidation because of your lack of opportunities, don't pursue those girls. There are many women who want virgins, low count guys because they are the same. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be intimidated by someone who is more sexually advanced, has different expectations. or who are more open minded than you. It is just a preference. However, keep your judgments to yourself because they just make you sound sanctimonious, and if they aren't your type, what they do is none of your business. I think she did you a favor by being honest with you about her past. She's right, this has nothing to do with you. Just find someone more compatible. There is nothing more detrimental to a potential relationship than judgement. Move on. There is not just one straight path to finding enlightenment or love. Good luck, Grumps The hypocrisy of telling others to withhold judgment, yet here you are, labeling those who are not promiscuous as being insecure, not sexually advanced, and close minded. Funny how people make such a big stink about folks wanting partners of similar sexual pasts...yet those who take issue with those preferences, also have no problems throwing out shaming language onto others. Jeezus christ...I dont tell a woman shes insecure or close minded if shes not comfortable with my past. I dont tell her Im more sexually advance then her (which is an arrogant and pompous thing to even think up). I merely acknowledge that we have different expectations of our partners, and that we likely wouldnt fit together in a relationship. Some things people have done, are doing, or will do, turn others off. Certain behavior just irks people. Im no conservative cat....Ive had some sexy fun times, but still well within the range of average. That said, Ive done things some women will find unsavory, especially given the long time Ive been uncommitted to any relationship. Far be it from me to bash a woman's preference for a different kind of man than I. Im too secure within myself to take offense to a woman daring to find a mate better suited to her. EDIT - I thought to address the "lack of opportunities" assertion on its own. While there are some guys who do have less opportunities to have sex...thats not an assumption thats smart to make all the time. Some guys, like myself, forgo opportunities to bed certain women for a variety of reasons. If I was less careful about my health, less respectful of other's relationships, and if had different standards regarding the type of women I go after...I could easily have bedded twice the number of partners I already have. Shame that much of your post mirrors the shaming attitude of the woman the OP mentioned. Just like her, your words come off as "Im getting laid, and youre lame if you couldnt get any". Edited July 16, 2014 by kaylan 7
marcjb Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I thought to address the "lack of opportunities" assertion on its own. While there are some guys who do have less opportunities to have sex...thats not an assumption thats smart to make all the time. Some guys, like myself, forgo opportunities to bed certain women for a variety of reasons. If I was less careful about my health, less respectful of other's relationships, and if had different standards regarding the type of women I go after...I could easily have bedded twice the number of partners I already have. Exactly, it's not even about the opportunities per say, more the whether or not a person has values. Years ago, I was at a function and one of the people running it was a very attractive woman. She later came on to me, and wanted to meet me in my area later that week, but my friend who asked me to be part of the function told me that she is married. I ended up telling her that I could not meet. 2
Grumpybutfun Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) The hypocrisy of telling others to withhold judgment, yet here you are, labeling those who are not promiscuous as being insecure, not sexually advanced, and close minded. Shame that much of your post mirrors the shaming attitude of the woman the OP mentioned. Just like her, your words come off as "Im getting laid, and youre lame if you couldnt get any". I think I specified that it is just a preference and no, I wasn't bragging, but making a point that women aren't the only ones who have casual sex easily so was using my own experiences. My other two points were relating to accepting people as they are and not trying to judge them. As I'm not a professional therapist, using my own experiences is how I relate here. My ego isn't driven by sex or lack thereof. I also was shaming no one as I also said that people who do not like high count people should just not date high count people. Don't date someone whose preferences and values do not line up with your own and then shame them for it. I apologize if you read my words as some sort of bragging as it was meant to be a differing viewpoint and not judgemental of any persons experiences. I use the words insecure because he seemed so in reference to worrying about his gf having a high count number and their conversation. I used the word sexually advanced poorly and you are right to call me out on that...you can be sexually advanced with a long term partner. However, my point about people being closed minded when they judge others for life experiences that they do not agree with still stands. Why be with someone who is high count to begin with if you do not agree with it or it does not line up with your own personal values? Why shame someone when you can just make a decision initially on what you prefer and stick with that? Again, this is just my opinion and I was only commenting on certain aspects of it concerning my two points, not the entirety. I certainly didn't mean to make anyone feel offended. No count, low count, high count is really all the same to me. I was just commenting on high count because it was conferred that only women can have casual sex easily unless the guy is a user or player so that was what my post addressed. Sometimes things get lost or misunderstood in translation. I was judging no one. So, to avoid any other angry replies, let me reiterate...no count, low count and high count are all okay. No shame in them at all in my book. Best, G P.s. Saying you are high count on LS is actually not a positive thing so me throwing that out there to me wasn't bragging. I get more angry posts being honest about my casual sex past than anything else I write. People do not like high count on a man anymore than a woman here. I offend many when I admit to my high count past. So, you seeing it as bragging is hilarious to me. Edited July 16, 2014 by Grumpybutfun 6
hasaquestion Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) For me this whole "issue" just boils to pragmatism. I know that experience has been a great teacher for me. I reflect on my "people picking skills" now, compared to what they were like when I was a teenager, its pretty obvious that a girl/woman would be much better served to meet me today. I also know that I have always been treated fairly by people with experience. Sure I've had breakups and disappointment with "high count" girls too but it was always mutual, driven by incompatibility that was more than skin deep. Conversely, if I look at my relationships/experiences that went south in a one-sided way, all of them were with very "pure" girls as some posters on here would define it. Who didn't know what they were getting themselves into, or were bored with me, or thought I was someone I'm not, or pretended to be someone they're not... I'm not saying anything is right or wrong. That's not for me to judge. But from a PRACTICAL standpoint, it cracks me up to see guys who have little relationship experience themselves, demanding partners who have no experience either. Do you want to be a long-term boyfriend, or someone's experiment/emotional tampon for a few months? Edited July 16, 2014 by hasaquestion
Author Trane Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 OP please layout the way this conversation went. OK, for all who are interested. Conversation at the time started after she told me that she crossed paths with a few of her ex-boyfriends from different times in her life. I asked her when she dated these guys and she told me that most of them were were F-buddies from her wild and crazy high school and college days. She told me she had quite a few of them into between a couple long term relationships. It didn't really bother me at first because I had casual relationships too, mostly during my university days. What struck a minor chord with me was when she told me that she and her girlfriends during these years were super horny, super curious and passed guys around to each other like cigarettes and candy. Lots and lots and lots of meaningless fun sex in her words which included 3somes and 4somes with guys only. She then asked me what my number was and I told her. She paused, and then refused to tell me hers because she said it was a lot higher than mine. Gee, why wasn't I surprised LOL! I had to pry it out of her and yes, it was a whole lot higher than mine. Scary higher. Still don't think she was being totally honest with me too. I then asked her when she had time to have all that sex, and I remember her saying this. "Some guys are just wimps and wusses about sex and I bet you were probably one of those guys who had to use your right hand more often than you would have liked right? Or should I say left?"
Smilecharmer Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 OK, for all who are interested. Conversation at the time started after she told me that she crossed paths with a few of her ex-boyfriends from different times in her life. "Some guys are just wimps and wusses about sex and I bet you were probably one of those guys who had to use your right hand more often than you would have liked right? Or should I say left?" OP, she sounds awful. I wouldn't want a gf that says obviously mean things about me and calls me a wimp for choosing not to be promiscuous. I could care less about her promiscuous past but her meanness to you shows a really hurtful side. Why are you with someone this awful to you? I wouldn't say this to a stranger let alone my lover. 4
todreaminblue Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) OK, for all who are interested. Conversation at the time started after she told me that she crossed paths with a few of her ex-boyfriends from different times in her life. I asked her when she dated these guys and she told me that most of them were were F-buddies from her wild and crazy high school and college days. She told me she had quite a few of them into between a couple long term relationships. It didn't really bother me at first because I had casual relationships too, mostly during my university days. What struck a minor chord with me was when she told me that she and her girlfriends during these years were super horny, super curious and passed guys around to each other like cigarettes and candy. Lots and lots and lots of meaningless fun sex in her words which included 3somes and 4somes with guys only. She then asked me what my number was and I told her. She paused, and then refused to tell me hers because she said it was a lot higher than mine. Gee, why wasn't I surprised LOL! I had to pry it out of her and yes, it was a whole lot higher than mine. Scary higher. Still don't think she was being totally honest with me too. I then asked her when she had time to have all that sex, and I remember her saying this. "Some guys are just wimps and wusses about sex and I bet you were probably one of those guys who had to use your right hand more often than you would have liked right? Or should I say left?" she honestly sounds defensive and is twisting it back onto you, i think if you are uncomfortable with a high sex past that is just you and how you feel,its nto a matter of wanting to have the same past at all, to make light of her past or belittling of your history isnt right for her to do nor would it be right for you to make fun of hers..... to me and it is a little like wishful thinking I would hope a guy could just see me, not my history, and anyone i have dated has accepted my history , i am a lot more than the guys i have had sex with, i tell guys my history and i dont do it proud......or defensive....it just was.... this woman actually is defensive towards her past to me signifies she isnt actually accepting of it......if she accepted her own she wouldnt have belittled your experiences......she judged you before you could judge her...me i tell a guy to give him the chance to know about my history then make his decision to stay or to walk.....i dotn judge him and i hope, by me being honest ,he wont judge me..... i wouldnt want to be with someone whom i made uncomfortable, and i would respect their decision I havent had a guy walk away because the guys i date have gotten to know me , and see me as i am now, not what i once was...... i would be concerned about dating with someone with little experience for the simple fact they would not be able to handle what i have done...i wouldnt however have a problem with them not having experience, just their perception of my past..and i wouldnt make out that it was all fun amd games or give a ...... dont blame me you didnt have fun attitude.... i would be more worried about your friend and her perception about her past, she hasnt really accepted it.....she defends it by making you seem less than what you are ....that could be an issue in the future.deb Edited July 16, 2014 by todreaminblue
GemmaUK Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 How was the sex life between the two of you prior to this conversation OP?
Author Trane Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 she honestly sounds defensive and is twisting it back onto you, i think if you are uncomfortable with a high sex past that is just you and how you feel,its nto a matter of wanting to have the same past at all, to make light of her past or belittling of your history isnt right for her to do nor would it be right for you to make fun of hers..... to me and it is a little like wishful thinking I would hope a guy could just see me, not my history, and anyone i have dated has accepted my history , i am a lot more than the guys i have had sex with, i tell guys my history and i dont do it proud......or defensive....it just was.... this woman actually is defensive towards her past to me signifies she isnt actually accepting of it......if she accepted her own she wouldnt have belittled your experiences......she judged you before you could judge her...me i tell a guy to give him the chance to know about my history then make his decision to stay or to walk.....i dotn judge him and i hope, by me being honest ,he wont judge me..... i wouldnt want to be with someone whom i made uncomfortable, and i would respect their decision I havent had a guy walk away because the guys i date have gotten to know me , and see me as i am now, not what i once was...... i would be concerned about dating with someone with little experience for the simple fact they would not be able to handle what i have done...i wouldnt however have a problem with them not having experience, just their perception of my past..and i wouldnt make out that it was all fun amd games or give a ...... dont blame me you didnt have fun attitude.... i would be more worried about your friend and her perception about her past, she hasnt really accepted it.....she defends it by making you seem less than what you are ....that could be an issue in the future.deb Thanks for your perspective. Interesting words for thought indeed. I will say honestly that I wouldn't be concerned about what she has done but I would be more concerned that I wouldn't be able to please her. I had an experience with girl who started way earlier than me. When I tried something with her, she almost turned me off when she giggled a bit and said "you guys are typical." Made me think that anything I try on her, she's had done to her by other guys so there's no point in me trying to please her any further.
Author Trane Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 How was the sex life between the two of you prior to this conversation OP? Good. Not earth-shattering but good.
GemmaUK Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Good. Not earth-shattering but good. So you weren't terribly compatible anyway then? Why continue the relationship if it was lack lustre and only 'good'? You do say (in your first post) that you have had a problem with numbers before so maybe take the responsibility to check that before you play? The issue would be solved for you if you do that would it not?
todreaminblue Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Thanks for your perspective. Interesting words for thought indeed. I will say honestly that I wouldn't be concerned about what she has done but I would be more concerned that I wouldn't be able to please her. I had an experience with girl who started way earlier than me. When I tried something with her, she almost turned me off when she giggled a bit and said "you guys are typical." Made me think that anything I try on her, she's had done to her by other guys so there's no point in me trying to please her any further. I dotn know abotu other women with high counts, but to me when i am with soemone , all others pale into nothing......because sex between two people is actually just that the person you are with and you how two bodies mind spirit and heart fit together are completely different ...ex to me comes actually from my spirit.....not from my body if i make love to someone regardless of how many i have had "sex with" i am making love to that guy that time that place and i am in the moment not in my past.......positions are nto important all i can brign to the table is love and a knowledge of sex ....its how i can please a guy and then a guy getting to know how to please me....and it changes ...depending on who i am with...with all the sex i have had there are certain things that only had two lovers that i have let do to me.....i have made things special.....and i think that most women who have high sex counts would hold off on certain things .......i dont know ...maybe its just me.....but there are ways to make love and there are ways to have sex...both are different i would not worry about pleasing a woman with a high sex count....if she loves you to me.....its always going to be a pleasure to make love to you.....deb
todreaminblue Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Thanks for your perspective. Interesting words for thought indeed. I will say honestly that I wouldn't be concerned about what she has done but I would be more concerned that I wouldn't be able to please her. I had an experience with girl who started way earlier than me. When I tried something with her, she almost turned me off when she giggled a bit and said "you guys are typical." Made me think that anything I try on her, she's had done to her by other guys so there's no point in me trying to please her any further. I dotn know abotu other women with high counts, but to me when i am with soemone , all others pale into nothing......because sex between two people is actually just that the person you are with and you how two bodies mind spirit and heart fit together are completely different ...ex to me comes actually from my spirit.....not from my body if i make love to someone regardless of how many i have had "sex with" i am making love to that guy that time that place and i am in the moment not in my past.......positions are nto important all i can bring to the table is love and a knowledge of sex ....its how i can please a guy and then a guy getting to know how to please me....and it changes ...depending on who i am with...with all the sex i have had there are certain things that only had two lovers that i have let do to me.....i have made things special.....and i think that most women who have high sex counts would hold off on certain things .......i dont know ...maybe its just me.....but there are ways to make love and there are ways to have sex...both are different i would not worry about pleasing a woman with a high sex count....if she loves you to me.....its always going to be a pleasure to make love to you.....deb
leavesonautumn Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 "Some guys are just wimps and wusses about sex and I bet you were probably one of those guys who had to use your right hand more often than you would have liked right? Or should I say left?" Uhm, wow, that was a super inappropriate thing to say to you. She sounds rude and defensive. I'd be more concerned with this then the numbers. Does she often speak to you like that? 4
Author Trane Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 "Some guys are just wimps and wusses about sex and I bet you were probably one of those guys who had to use your right hand more often than you would have liked right? Or should I say left?" Uhm, wow, that was a super inappropriate thing to say to you. She sounds rude and defensive. I'd be more concerned with this then the numbers. Does she often speak to you like that? It just progressed into a mini-fight and I guess she wasn't taking to kindly about my reaction to her number when she told me.
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