The best thing a girl said to me about having a higher number than me

[Trane]

"Don't blame me because you weren't getting any when I was giving it out. It's not my fault that I was getting laid and having a lot more bedroom fun than you!"

 

I will admit to giving a few girls that I dated serious grief about being way more sexually experienced than me and having a much higher number than mine after the "tell all" discussion comes out.

 

What really snapped everything into focus and made me grow up quicker as a man was accepting the reality that I had no right to judge what I was NOT a part of.

 

Her past is her past. It's not mine.

[todreaminblue]

yeah i dont feel like this when i tell a guy my numbers, its actually hard fro em to have that discussion but i do ..... i do ask they dont judge me and there is no guiy ill meet who will have a higher number than me..not many girls either unless they are working girls..not all mine was fun......and it is my past...theresa reasons behind my promiscuity when i was younger....if a guy judges me i prefer he do it before i commit to him.....thats why i date friends i guess who know my past and accept me as having moved on, they also know i am loyal girl and dont doubt my level of commitment.....i have had more than enough sex to know sex means nothign without emotion....loyalty is also gift.......and thats what i give...and would like returned.......deb

[RyanBeynolds]

yeah i dont feel like this when i tell a guy my numbers, its actually hard fro em to have that discussion but i do ..... i do ask they dont judge me and there is no guiy ill meet who will have a higher number than me..not many girls either unless they are working girls..not all mine was fun......and it is my past...theresa reasons behind my promiscuity when i was younger....if a guy judges me i prefer he do it before i commit to him.....thats why i date friends i guess who know my past and accept me as having moved on, they also know i am loyal girl and dont doubt my level of commitment.....i have had more than enough sex to know sex means nothign without emotion....loyalty is also gift.......and thats what i give...and would like returned.......deb

 

I had sex in upper 20s by the time I was out of High School. Had sex with 4 separate girls in the same day. I think I may have you beat!

 

But I agree. My girlfriend now can actually make me finish. I could never finish with random flings for some reason... unless I was trying for it for a long time!

[marcjb]

Yes it is her "fault". She could probably have sex with any guy she wanted, whenever she wanted, because that's how it is for many women. They have options. That's not how it is for most men.

[RyanBeynolds]

"Don't blame me because you weren't getting any when I was giving it out. It's not my fault that I was getting laid and having a lot more bedroom fun than you!"

 

I will admit to giving a few girls that I dated serious grief about being way more sexually experienced than me and having a much higher number than mine after the "tell all" discussion comes out.

 

What really snapped everything into focus and made me grow up quicker as a man was accepting the reality that I had no right to judge what I was NOT a part of.

 

Her past is her past. It's not mine.

 

For me, It was the fact that I have had sex with so many women that I have no right to judge her. She is up there in the teens, so she says, but I am double that with a little extra added on. If she gave me the chance knowing my history, why can I deny her the opportunity, also?

[marcjb]

For me, It was the fact that I have had sex with so many women that I have no right to judge her. She is up there in the teens, so she says, but I am double that with a little extra added on. If she gave me the chance knowing my history, why can I deny her the opportunity, also?

 

Of course you shouldn't, it would be a double standard. That's why sharing the same values is important with a partner.

[silvermercy]

For me, It was the fact that I have had sex with so many women that I have no right to judge her. She is up there in the teens, so she says, but I am double that with a little extra added on. If she gave me the chance knowing my history, why can I deny her the opportunity, also?

That's great. Because you're not a hypocrite. But I also think it works because you're both relatively similar.

I think the incompatibilities and problems start when people with double digit numbers start dating people with single or low single digit numbers.

[umirano]

"Don't blame me because you weren't getting any when I was giving it out. It's not my fault that I was getting laid and having a lot more bedroom fun than you!"

 

Fair enough. But there's a disparity in the sense that a girl can get laid a lot more easily than a guy. A guy can't really be "giving it out" even if he wants to. It takes two to tango.

 

And it isn't really about her having fun - BC frankly many casual sexual encounters don't result in great orgasms... - it's really about her giving it out.

 

She can either be doing that out of really wanting to get laid for the sexual pleasure, or she can be giving out to cover up for a self esteem issue. So there are good reasons to start worrying when someone comes with a very high number.

 

But if you're cool with hers and she's cool with yours, good for you. It's definitely a can of worms for many guys. I didn't bring it up with my last GF, but when she did I was positively surprised at her low number, even though it was higher than mine. When she asked me how I felt about that ratio I said I'm glad I won't have to teach her everything myself. She wasn't very happy with that, but I said when she wants to rub it in my face I can at least pick how to deal with it . Maybe she omitted a few. Whatever... it doesn't really matter as long as she's giving out with me

[dragon_fly_7]

Wow... so much high past threads and many that had their share of partners that it makes me feel I must be rare for even the average woman.

 

Still only at 1 man; a former relationship. I guess I'll probably never understand that lifestyle. That seems like a new world to me.

[ThaWholigan]

Wow... so much high past threads and many that had their share of partners that it makes me feel I must be rare for even the average woman.

 

Still only at 1 man; a former relationship. I guess I'll probably never understand that lifestyle. That seems like a new world to me.

Nothing wrong with that!

 

Sexuality exists on a spectrum for a lot of us, and there are those who are far more relationship minded than others, some who are more liberal about sex, and others who are in between with many other variables involved.

 

I mean, even myself - I'd like a relationship but I also have no problem with casual sex, and despite my low numbers (two), both were mostly sexual relationships that didn't become too serious. I'd say they were analogous to flings. I don't know where I would place myself on such a spectrum! I am more relaxed about it all in that regard - as long as I have great mental, emotional and sexual rapport with the girl (in that order!)

[GoreSP]

Yes it is her "fault". She could probably have sex with any guy she wanted, whenever she wanted, because that's how it is for many women. They have options. That's not how it is for most men.

 

It's no woman's fault some men aren't getting laid.

 

Sheesh not everything is about your penis...

[jay1983]

So she admits to giving it out like government cheese, but only to certain guys. Why is she dating you now and how would she know you weren't getting any?

[marcjb]

It's no woman's fault some men aren't getting laid.

 

Sheesh not everything is about your penis...

 

I never said it was, but it is a woman's fault if she doesn't like being thought of as a slut. How many times does it need to be pointed out that women don't have to put effort into getting laid? This is why if a woman has a high number relative to their age, it speaks volumes about her character.

 

That's right, not everything is about my penis, I'm only interested in having sex with a woman that I'm in a relationship with and relationships aren't just about sex.

Edited July 15, 2014 by marcjb

[carhill]

So, OP, after that revelation, how did discussions of relationship and sexual history go for you?

[jay1983]

OP please layout the way this conversation went.

[veggirl]

That just seems like a really weird, mean-spirited thing to say. like "haha sucker, sucks to be you" or something. idk, it rubbed me the wrong way.

[umirano]

and there are those who are far more relationship minded than others, some who are more liberal about sex

 

More liberal about sex? You decided to only have two bed partners? Or was it something that was far less under your control than you'd wish? I'm "liberal" in your sense. Apparently that alone does not give me the higher number that I wouldn't mind.

 

No no, what you said makes no sense. Having a high number, as a girl, has nothing to do with being "liberal" unless if you mean she "liberally" spreads her legs. Now don't start erecting the gallows for me yet, I'm not saying that's immoral or anything of that sort. All I ask is to honestly tell me whether those people who call all high number girls

 

• open minded
  
• liberal
  
• empowered
  
• etc.
  

 

really think having a high number is some sort of special achievement? Isn't it more realistic to say it kind of comes with the numerical properties of human mating? More guys want to get laid than girls at any given time, so for any girl wanting to get laid there is a big pot and she has a long big spoon, while many guys simultaneously try to reach into a tiny plate with very short spoons.

[carhill]

That just seems like a really weird, mean-spirited thing to say. like "haha sucker, sucks to be you" or something. idk, it rubbed me the wrong way.

Hopefully, if/once the OP shares the context of the quoted comment, we'll have greater insight into where it came from. I'd also be interested in how his change of style regarding such conversations has worked out for him. Perhaps we can learn from his experiences.

[William]

The next person who uses the word 'slut' is banned.

[ThaWholigan]

More liberal about sex? You decided to only have two bed partners? Or was it something that was far less under your control than you'd wish? I'm "liberal" in your sense. Apparently that alone does not give me the higher number that I wouldn't mind.

 

No no, what you said makes no sense. Having a high number, as a girl, has nothing to do with being "liberal" unless if you mean she "liberally" spreads her legs. Now don't start erecting the gallows for me yet, I'm not saying that's immoral or anything of that sort. All I ask is to honestly tell me whether those people who call all high number girls

 

• open minded
  
• liberal
  
• empowered
  
• etc.
  

 

really think having a high number is some sort of special achievement? Isn't it more realistic to say it kind of comes with the numerical properties of human mating? More guys want to get laid than girls at any given time, so for any girl wanting to get laid there is a big pot and she has a long big spoon, while many guys simultaneously try to reach into a tiny plate with very short spoons.

 

1. You chose to take one small piece of my post and then misinterpret it completely . I use liberal in a loose sense of the world, as in they are more likely to be sexually open. There was nothing political about my use of the word liberal - it was meant to act as an antonym for what I was describing just prior.

 

2. Also, appeared to use my own story as a means to prove some kind of point about women "having it easy to get laid" to tie into your next point. Something I haven't debated in this thread - as far as my "decision" to bed two partners, there were other subsequent opportunities that I eventually didn't pursue strongly enough, save for one encounter with an acquaintance last year. I'm currently avoiding such encounters for now while I focus on myself. I'd say I have it under control .

 

3. It doesn't seem to be about "empowerment" to me, that seems to be a red herring. More that it is about freedom, in the sense that they are exercising the right to have sex however many times they wish. Perhaps it's unfortunate for them that they still face a certain level of judgement and criticism. Personally, I'd rather they not face that but that's just people for you. They will judge you for anything and acceptance is really the key to getting past that and just doing you regardless.

[umirano]

Do you realize you just quoted me way out of context?

 

How? You said

 

The only people responsible for women being thought of as ***** for having sex are the **** shamers. Not the women themselves.

 

It's exactly what you said, there's no context that I left out that would somehow restrict your application of the term in question. You are saying women are called a certain word for having sex. You completely ignore the fact that this word is not used on all women who ever had sex one way or another.

 

It's specifically used for women who have sex with many different partners, who play the gray area between RS and FWB, who cheat, who easily get into bed, who often appear insecure and trying to compensate for a lack of self esteem from real achievements.

 

I mean isn't that how most people use the term?

[verydazednconfused]

What is a high number? At what age?

I would say anything when someone is already on the double-digit and the fact that isn't wasn't even in meaningful relationships but randoms.

 

I don't do that myself and had to break up after finding that out 3 years into the relationship. I just want a like-minded woman in this area, one I'm compatible with.

 

I can't really imagine getting marry to a woman that has a different lifestyle than me. I would be thinking about what we would be teaching our future children when it comes to dating and the value of saving it for someone you care. I would be telling them to either save it for a relationship or till marriage if they want to do that and how sex isn't to be given away just like that while she probably wouldn't know what to say.

Edited July 16, 2014 by verydazednconfused

[umirano]

1. You chose to take one small piece of my post and then misinterpret it completely .

Yeah... I'm definitely not in the full quote camp. That part contained exactly where I disagreed with your use of a word.

 

There was nothing political about my use of the word liberal - it was meant to act as an antonym for what I was describing just prior.

I didn't interpret it as political, I wonder what makes you think so? When I said

I'm "liberal" in your sense.

that's exactly the meaning I was referring to. I'm extremely liberal when it comes to sex my door is open 24/7 for a good intercourse so to say. I just don't think it has any bearing on how much sex a guy actually gets if he's "liberal" in the sense you applied. I don't see how him being liberal has the slightest importance compared to

 

1. First and foremost: Opportunity (girls wanting to get laid)
   
2. location
   
3. timing
   
4. looks
   

 

2. Also, appeared to use my own story as a means to prove some kind of point about women "having it easy to get laid" to tie into your next point. Something I haven't debated in this thread

No, not really, it just looked like you're really convinced that being "liberal" on sex is the driver, equally for men and women, for the number of bed partners they have. I just don't see how that's true, that's why I challenged your view using your own case. But we could use my case or pretty much any other guy's case. I doubt many guys have the number they actually want, and I suppose that most guys want a higher number than they actually have.

 

More that it is about freedom, in the sense that they are exercising the right to have sex however many times they wish.

Ok, but aren't you redefining liberal to meaning exercising a right here? That's not what liberal generally means. It actually never means that. Standing up for one's rights or exercising a right could be called bravery, heroism or resistance.

 

Is a girl with a high number a heroine? Brave? Or resisting? I have my doubts.

[ThaWholigan]

Yeah... I'm definitely not in the full quote camp. That part contained exactly where I disagreed with your use of a word.

 

What that means is that you're liable to take anything anyone says out of context in order to pick at one facet of the piece of text. Which you have done so really by focusing on my singular use of a word, however erroneous it was, to make a point that has little bearing on the point I was making.

 

You then went onto exaggerate my point at the end there - nowhere did I equate a woman with high numbers to a heroine or bravery. It's a choice that she feels more free to make, simple.

 

No, not really, it just looked like you're really convinced that being "liberal" on sex is the driver, equally for men and women, for the number of bed partners they have.

 

Enlighten me then - what is the driver?

[Grumpybutfun]

There are some good answers here so I will make just a couple of points. Have a standard for your potential mate with the understanding that you may limit your pool of dates and potential mates for sticking to it. Also, move on as soon as you understand you aren't compatible sexually because you cannot ever change another person nor should you try to.

I personally don't agree with most males here because sex was so easy for me to get. I never judged someone on something so biologically natural or so wonderful. I had sober and mutually beautiful experiences with amazing, cultured independent women, not drunken hookups. I have no data on men not getting sex with the same ease as beautiful women though I did let them initially pursue me because I didn't want to be too aggressive.

Some people can't see past their own experiences to realize that frequent, easy, casual sex is something men and women both enjoy. And, no i wasn't a player, just a guy who enjoyed women and loved their company.

I can't relate to those who feel insecure about girls who have a higher number. I wasn't short on worth or self esteem to enjoy the bodies and intimacies many beautiful and well adjusted ladies offered me. We shared something wonderful, though for various reasons didn't turn into a relationship. These women were some of the most independent healthy people I have ever met, and they knew exactly what they wanted.

Women have the right to do whatever they want with their bodies without being shamed. If you aren't into girls who have a higher count due to your own insecurities and possible intimidation because of your lack of opportunities, don't pursue those girls. There are many women who want virgins, low count guys because they are the same. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be intimidated by someone who is more sexually advanced, has different expectations. or who are more open minded than you. It is just a preference. However, keep your judgments to yourself because they just make you sound sanctimonious, and if they aren't your type, what they do is none of your business.

I think she did you a favor by being honest with you about her past. She's right, this has nothing to do with you. Just find someone more compatible. There is nothing more detrimental to a potential relationship than judgement. Move on.

There is not just one straight path to finding enlightenment or love.

Good luck,

Grumps