Conflicted with a choice

[desertsessions]

So my ex and I have been talking pretty regularly for the last six months starting in february when her and her boyfriend broke up. She's been calling texting me really late, and she calls sometimes to chat. Over the last six months I've started to get feelings back for her (She broke up with me). We've hung out twice in the six months and the first time we hung out, she was really flirty the whole night, and at the end of the night asked me to come back to her place... which i declined because i saw she was pretty drunk.

 

I think this hurt her a bit, thinking i just wanted nothing to do with her but that wasn't the case. I definitely felt there was still a spark between us. So along comes the second time to hang out, and it was at a music festival. The first night of the festival i got absolutely soaked due to rain. So i told her i was going to call it a night, and go back to my tent. I'd see her in the morning. About an hour later she came to my tent asking to let her in. So I did and we talked for a bit, then she asked why i declined coming back to her place last time we hung out. I didn't want to say it was because i liked her, and she was too drunk.

 

So i beat around the bush with it, and she ended up leaving. I guess that night she found some guy to hangout with and they ended up hanging out the whole festival. It really hurt me to be honest.

 

After the festival was over and a week had passed, we talked over facebook and she said she had no idea i was even interested in her or she would have acted better about that. She then told me, sorry if she gives off the wrong impression by being a bit flirty when she's drunk with me, but in her mind she was just having fun. She said she didn't have anything in mind so far, just hanging out with me and talking.

 

I felt like the last six months we were slowly reconnecting though... and i told her this. I then felt like i had to say if she's interested in that guy, I can stop with the calls and texts that have been happening between us the last six months. She said she is talking to him, but that doesn't mean i have to stop talking to her... she enjoys being friends, but understands if I want to go that route.

 

Now I'm conflicted... I know there was definitely feelings and a spark between us when we hung out. I was kind of a ****ty boyfriend back in the day, so i know she definitely wouldn't just jump back into a relationship with me unless she saw that i've changed a lot. I've had two friends say she looked interested in me when we all hung out... but she's denying it and saying she was just having fun.

 

I think this is either because A. She wants to see if this new guy is worth it, but doesn't completely want to write me off. B. She is scared to try again with me, so is going with her better judgment.

 

I don't know if i should take the friend card, hang out with her and show her i've changed quite a bit. She sees changes already i'm sure, because I've been very understanding to her the last six months... OR tell her I can't do that because I've started to have feelings for her again, and as much as i'd like to talk to her... i can't act like a fake friend.

 

This girl is a good girl, and I'm really conflicted on which choice to make given that i wasn't the at times in the past. I feel like if i choose the latter and decide to walk unless she wants to try to work things out... I'm being forceful with what I WANT and confirming what she probably thinks.

 

What do you guys think?

Edited July 15, 2014 by desertsessions