eotdevice Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 OK I have know my ex for 25 years as friends we dated for 2 it didn't work and we split up nearly 2 years ago. We keep in touch from time to time to say happy birthday and have dinner once in a while to catch up. Today I contacted her to offer her some concert tickets I can't use and she responded that her mom has Stage 4 cancer and is in the ER. Prognosis is terminal. They just found out 2 weeks ago. I am sitting here beside myself. I lost my dad last year and she offered me a lot of support at that time. I am thinking of going to the ER (its only a mile from my work) to offer her and her mom my support. Her father died a long time ago and she has no other siblings.... Thoughts or comments? Should I go or not?
d0nnivain Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 First I'm sorry about your dad. No you shouldn't go to the ER. You will just be in the way. Call tomorrow, Ask how the mom is. Watch the local obituaries & send flowers when the cancer takes her but don't go to the funeral unless your EX wants you there.
redbaron005 Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I think you should go, but only make a brief appearance and let them know in advance. If you arn't welcome due to the circumstances, they will tell you.
d0nnivain Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 What are you going to do in the ER besides be another person the medical staff have to work around in order to treat the patient? If she gets moved to a regular room & can have visitors, by all means drop by but stay out of the ER.
Moonborn Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Personally I would go, but I am not sure if it's the best choice. You could call her first and ask her though.
me85 Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Seems like you two are clearly good friends who have known each other a long long time and know each other very well. Sorry everyone who says no, I respectfully disagree. They broke up 2 years ago and have remained in each other's lives especially during times of need, as she was there for him a year gao when he lost his father. Eotdevice, she told you about her Mother's illness for a reason. She didn't have to. I can promise you she is in need of your support. Just as she supported you. I'm sure after 25 years you've gotten to know her family as well. If she isn't an item with someone else I would absolutely go visit the mother. I'd go anyway and just make sure it was an appropriate time like when the ex wasn't there, if need be.
d0nnivain Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 My point isn't about the relationship it's about the medical care. Only immediate family should be in the ER. Everybody else is a hindrance to that care being delivered to the patient. If you truly care about the person's well being stay out of the medical staff's way & let them do their jobs. Too many people in the ER makes it difficult for the doctors & nurses to render adequate care & it's a p.i.t.a. for other patients. Support the family in another way. Do not get in the way of the medical professionals. Going & sitting in the waiting room is no good either because then the healthy family member is torn between being by the bedside & coming out to deal with the visitor. We're talking about EMERGENCY ROOM treatment here -- life & death fast paced stuff . . . not a leisurely visit to a hospital room, which I did endorse.
Author eotdevice Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 Thanks everyone. d0nnivain - That is a great point. I totally understand about being in the way in the ER and won't go until or unless she is moved to a regular room. I am going to give the hospital a call later and see if she has been moved to a room more conducive to visits. Chris 1
Recommended Posts