MissNoname Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 My bf and I had a fight last night. Im a clingy gf and I get anxious when Im not with him. He wanted an alone time last night and despite him asking to leave him alone, I did not leave. He ended up leaving the house and stayed at his friends house. We don't live together but I was invited to stay at his place while his roommate is on vacation. This morning when he came back, he was so cold towards me and said that its over between us that I should learn to be a friend to him first before I become his gf. I said that we cant just give up like that and that we should try again. He kept repeating I need to be a friend first. He did not want me to touch him. Then he said that he needed to do some errands and he took me with him. When we came back. I asked him again if were broken up and he said no but I need to listen to him when he asks for some alone time. I love my bf but now Im scared that he would try to break up again since he has already. He told me he still loves me that I should know it already and he doesn't need to keep reminding me. Can anyone please give me some advice. Thank you.
mightycpa Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Yeah. Stop being clingy. Find something to do, and do it by yourself every once in a while. See your friends. Get a life of your own going, something that people want to participate in. Try being with your bf in the same room, and doing different things. Then, when you get good at that, move to the next room. Then out the door. Girls who are involved in things other than their bf's are really attractive, because they have something to contribute. Girls who just hang on aren't, because they take. Get attractive.
Kopite Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Missnoname, you already know what's wrong and what you need to do. Give him some space and stop being clingy. Men are easier to understand. When he says he needs some alone time, give it to him. Meanwhile, work on being a little more independent.
Jason808 Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Give the man some space if he needs some. I don't think he has the intention of breaking up with you. And even if he did, he is already talking about taking you back as a GF, you just need to be a friend first. If you don't respect his need for space you will only push him further away, you'll get annoying and nobody wants an annoying SO. I don't think this is a major problem, you guys just need to talk about personal space
bluelady Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I don't understand your logic. He just asked for you to give him some space and your response is to text him asking to hang out not long after? No wonder he didn't respond! The reason he left that day and didn't respond is probably because he had some harsh words to say but didn't want to upset you. My guess is if you leave him alone, he'll come back to you so long as you don't suffocate him. I really wouldn't bet on your relationship to work out. My guess is that it's going to be a vicious circle because the more you try to cling on to him, the further he's going to push you away, which is going to make you more anxious and clingy, which in turn will make him push you away more, etc. It's going to cause you a lot of pain and anxiety. Don't do that to yourself! My guess is you want to be with him more than you want to break up. If that's not the case, you have to cold-turkey break up with him and really work on yourself. Otherwise, you'll really need to work on yourself. It could be that he's a really cold guy and you're feeling insecure because it may seem like he doesn't like you enough. I would advise that first you wait until he contacts you. If you don't want to be with him, make it clear and don't talk to him any more. If you do, tell him you need to talk about your relationship so he doesn't feel suffocated and you don't feel anxious. Then set out to explain boundaries that would make you both happy. If you feel as if you can't agree on this, it's probably better to break up as painful as it is now because it will be even worse later. You should work on yourself either way to become more independent because irrelevant of how much time he spends with you if you're anxious when he's away there's not much he can do. If I were you, I'd focus more on fixing myself than fixing my relationship. Your mental health is the most important thing, and either way your relationship won't survive if you don't resolve your issues first.
veggirl Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 (edited) You are way too much drama. Refusing to leave HIS house?! So he leaves and you still stay?!? Are you crazy? Why would you do that? Right now your bf is weighing the good (idk what that is tbh) against the bad (your drama and extreme levels of insecure which manifest into crazyyy) and deciding if the bad is worth it. You should prepare yourself for a break up and if you can't get your drama in check, you should prepare for all future relationships to end in being dumped too. Edited July 15, 2014 by veggirl
emotionalMess Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 You wrote this: "Im a clingy gf and I get anxious when Im not with him." That is a big problem and he knows this. He may break up at any time. You have to change this behavior ASAP! I suspect you have low self-esteem. Spend some time away from him and start focusing on enhancing your self-esteem. Make some changes fast! This time spent focusing on you will allow space for him. You need to do this now or its over! He may have already decided to dump you but feels guilty about it.
Author MissNoname Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 My bf and I had a huge fight over the weekend. He said we were done but I said we cant just give up like that. He was really mad at me. I did not cry. I was calm. I tried to convince him to change his mind. He said that I need to be a friend to him. Before leaving his house, i asked him if were breaking up and he says "No". He says he stil loves me. We kissed and I left. I sent him a text on Monday morning about maybe seeig each other but he did not respond. Our argument was because he wanted an "alone time". He invited me to stay at his place while his roommate was gone. When he asked me for an alone time meaning to leave and not sleep there, I did not leave. Instead he left and didnt come back till the next day. I slept at the house alone. Anyone can give me some advice how to handle it. Thanks.
Philosoraptor Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Anyone can give me some advice how to handle it. Thanks. Based on the number of threads you've made about him this year I'd say it's a ticking time bomb as it is. If you get back together and the issues aren't resolved you're going to have the same fate. Personally after so many issues I would cut the cord and try to find someone I'm naturally more compatible with.
Zahara Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 My bf and I had a huge fight over the weekend. He said we were done but I said we cant just give up like that. He was really mad at me. I did not cry. I was calm. I tried to convince him to change his mind. He said that I need to be a friend to him. Before leaving his house, i asked him if were breaking up and he says "No". He says he stil loves me. We kissed and I left. I sent him a text on Monday morning about maybe seeig each other but he did not respond. Our argument was because he wanted an "alone time". He invited me to stay at his place while his roommate was gone. When he asked me for an alone time meaning to leave and not sleep there, I did not leave. Instead he left and didnt come back till the next day. I slept at the house alone. Anyone can give me some advice how to handle it. Thanks. You've created a few threads about this and people have advised you to give him space. No calls. No texts. No nothing. Leave him be. Let him come to you. He asked for space and before you know it you ask him about seeing each other? No wonder he didn't respond. You don't seem to get it. Please heed the advise given in your last few threads and give him space. 1
William Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Noting multiple past thread merges, please keep comments about this interpersonal situation confined to one thread. Thanks!
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