BWFMT Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 So I posted on here a while back about my LDR falling apart, which it subsequently has. He finished with me in the end, after 4 years, for various reasons... We saw each other once since the split, and we both agreed that we could not be talking every day - via text, Facebook, Email yadda yadda. Which we did not stick to initially. Then we bumped into each other at a music festival where he hugged me in what was DEFINITELY not a friendly way (he had his arms wrapped around me, his head on my shoulder...) and then he kissed me, which left me massively confused about the situation; I never wanted this breakup! We spoke a few days after this, and after realising there is no talking to him I called no contact; this was a fortnight ago. I have stuck to my end of the deal, but I have since had Facebook messages from him, and on the Sunday just passed he sent what at first glance seemed to be an informal message telling me he had not forgotten about the money he owes me and that I would get it in due course. He went on to say "Don't for one second think you are out of my sight or mind by any stretch of the imagination' and to tell me he had found a postcard from our winter holiday just a few months ago, and that it bought back lots of happy memories. I have totally ignored the message. I am massively confused, again, and I have been doing really well through this breakup - The message he sent, to me says that he is having doubts; I am eager to see what other people think... Regardless, I am sticking to what I told him . . . No contact; I am going to try for at least 1 month and perhaps then we can speak...
Simon Phoenix Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Only you can break your No Contact. No Contact is an individual thing -- it's not a team thing. Even though he's peppering you with messages, none of them indicate that he a) made a mistake in breaking up with you or b) wants to try again. Dumpers missing their dumpees is normal -- it does not mean they are reconsidering the break. Perhaps you should think about blocking him. 1
aisuru Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 No contact is for you. Not for your ex. Maintain it and discover better
Author BWFMT Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 I guess I am just scared that perhaps he is trying to reach out and I am ignoring him... I would not hesitate to get back with him
Simon Phoenix Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I guess I am just scared that perhaps he is trying to reach out and I am ignoring him... I would not hesitate to get back with him If his reaching out means anything he'll be a hell of a lot more direct. He won't pussyfoot around like he has been.
d0nnivain Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 NC Means you block him from contacting you & if he gets through you ignore him. It's about controlling your behavior, not his. One month is not enough time for you to be friends.
scobro Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 No contact; I am going to try for at least 1 month and perhaps then we can speak... Thats pointless why go no contact when you plan for contact in the future??
Elle1975 Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 If you want to be in no contact, block him. If you wish for a reconciliation, tell him you will contact him when you're ready.
Author BWFMT Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 He is just really not clear on what he actually wants . . . I have not responded to his messages, and he has text me again today to tell me that he misses me. I really don't get it; he ditched me - this all feels like it should be the reverse of what it is..
Zahara Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 He is just really not clear on what he actually wants . . . I have not responded to his messages, and he has text me again today to tell me that he misses me. I really don't get it; he ditched me - this all feels like it should be the reverse of what it is.. Dumpers go through their own withdrawals from a break-up. Withdrawals are by no means a sign of reconciliation. It just means that they're using you as a crutch to transition through those feelings. Of course he misses you and still has an emotional attachment to you. But it isn't quite enough to make him want a relationship with you. You're allowing him to use you as a crutch to soothe those uncomfortable feelings that he has -- AND at the expense of you getting hurt. He isn't as emotionally attached as you are, therefore, it's no sweat off his back to lean on you to get what he wants -- attention, ego boost, etc. Simple. If a man wants to be with you, he doesn't let you go. When he ends with you but keeps you on the backburner, it's because he's using you as a fallback while he deals with the aftermath of a break-up as well as to help him transition into his next relationship or at least until he finds someone else that attracts his attention. 1
BC1980 Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 He is just really not clear on what he actually wants . . . I have not responded to his messages, and he has text me again today to tell me that he misses me. I really don't get it; he ditched me - this all feels like it should be the reverse of what it is.. It's completely normal. It's hard to go from seeing a person all the time to nothing. It takes getting used to for him as well. A lot of dumpers are curious and want to see if you will really stick to NC.
Zahara Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 NC will allow him to feel the loss of you. And if he realizes the loss and realizes the value of you and the relationship, he'd run back to you. Catering to his crumbs will only enable his indecisive behavior and possibly cushion his transition to the other side. Block him. Or at least tell him that he cannot contact you unless he wants to reconcile. If he breaks contact again with crumbs, you block him.
Author BWFMT Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 At the moment I am just holding out; it is taking every ounce of strength to not respond! I just cannot allow myself, as much as I want to... the above statement; if he wanted to be with me he would... if he loved me, he would not have run as soon as things were a little rocky (and in fairness, things really were not that bad!) I am going to stay strong; if the messages keep coming as frequently as they are I will simply respond and say that right now we need time and space, and to be ourselves for a while... I guess I may love him, but then again... how many more times would he put me through this hurt!
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