Thegreatestthing Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 With anyone I'm involved with it's the same story,everything starts going great I get panicked the more great it is - and just stop everything,I panic and immediately think I'm going to do something to ruin this,esp. If things are going really good. That's the main thought I'm going to do something to ruin this. I will then go into no contact mood: ,like today I did this - last night I was talking to the new guy all night it went much better than I ever expected and I woke up just really happy and falling for him ,so immediately I started to worry about something going wrong and avoided contact the entire day even though he left messages,when I finally spoke to him he was going to bed and things were just soured.so basically self sabotage. But it's almost like commitment phobia too? fear of failure ?
todreaminblue Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I often worry when things are good they may go bad ....i learned to let it go knowing that whatever happens ill handle it when it happens not before.....you cant deal with what hasn't happened, just what is happening, what has happened is also out of your control its done and dusted.....all you can do is be in the hear and now and pray at night and thank god when things are good, don't doubt good stuff .....doubt the doubts.......and live your life ......not in expectation of tomorrow but what you can do today...so call him when he calls you, tell him you're happy if you are and be honest with you and with him and things will go exactlythe way they are supposed to.....deb 1
Augman Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 From studies I've read, the most common signs of commitment phobia are having frequent, short, explosive relationships that end in self sabotage so you do not get too emotionally invested. I'd say you probably have some form of it. There are easy ways to help you in these situations. Some include things like not thinking about the future too much, worry only about the present or very near future. Don't think of life 5 years down the road with this person or anything like that. You could also try training yourself to be more acceptable by committing in baby steps. Make very small commitments and recognize when you do so without freaking out or sabotaging a relationship. Commit to another date with this person you like and realize that planning a date alone is a commitment. Every date builds a commitment level as scary as it may sound of someone afraid of it. I recently had a bad relationship with a commitment phoebe and I didn't realize what happened till it was over. It was an explosive 2 week relationship that literally went from non-stop communication to NO-contact overnight. I realized soon after it was a typical case of a commitment phoebe and its a real shame. Typically childhood occurrences create a commitment phoebe, so if you're not sure if you ARE a commitment phoebe, then look back at your childhood possibly. Were you ever abandoned by a loved one or did you parents have a rough break-up? Just things to think about, but as always take everything we say as a grain of salt... 2
kolleamm Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I think your problem is that, like others have said, you look too far ahead into the future. Keep your vision of him in the present and not at the wedding stage. Good luck
Author Thegreatestthing Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 I will try and not look too far ahead. he left me all these messages saying he missed me and I purposely didn't answer any of them,till finally at midnight I replied - and I just kept thinking he's probably tired and doesn't want to talk so I tell him to sleep ,he says ok he's going to sleep now then I'm upset because I haven't spoke to him at all,and here I am pining for him instead.
Recommended Posts