SpiralOut Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I am 99% sure this guy isn't into me. It would just help me to hear it from someone else. I met him yesterday from OLD. We connected really well through our emails, which is rare for me. We had tons in common. He was super attractive. Not to brag or anything, but I'm an attractive woman. He didn't seem to have trouble looking at me. He also told me that so far I am the only woman he's met up with who has actually been honest with him. He said something during the date that I didn't even fully understand. It was just so weird that I don't know if I even heard him properly. It was something about how he isn't sure if he wants to continue online dating, because you can't feel a spark with someone just from meeting them once. Then he said that he thinks afterwards that we should (I don't know if I heard him right???) let things marinate? or sit? Or something? I really don't know if I heard that right. I wasn't sure if he meant that he didn't want to talk right away afterwards? Or just not at all, ever?? I should have asked him to clarify but I felt too embarassed. I found that very confusing. Why even invite me to meet up with you if you have such a defeatest attitude right from the start? Instead of saying that I just said "okay then" and we acted like normal for the rest of the date. At the end of it he walked me over to my bike and hugged me goodbye. I sent him a a message afterwards telling him that I had enjoyed meeting him that day. No response. Then today I did something stupid and messaged him again asking him to clarify what he had said the other day. I told him I didn't mean to bother him and I certainly can take no for an answer, I just wanted to make sure I understood what he had said. I know that he has been online and probably read my email since I've sent it, because I've seen him online. No reply. He's not into me. . . is he.
JungleLover Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Generally, for a guy, if the woman is attractive, that is all the spark we need to start a fire. So despite you being attractive as you say you are, something occurred that seems to have turned him off. You can waste your time thinking of the infinite possibilities or do what you did and ask for more clarification or just move on. Either way, he is just not that into you.
Author SpiralOut Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 (edited) Well even before we met up, he had mentioned in an email that he doesn't think he can feel a spark from just meeting someone once. At that point, I told him that we don't need to meet if he doesn't want to. I was fully prepared to ignore him, since he didn't seem serious. He then insisted that he wanted to meet me. So I don't know what his deal is, but I think he had decided before even meeting me that there could not possibly be a spark. He also complained about a couple of the other women he had met. He asked me (during the date) if that was a turn-off!! Lol! I just said no not really, it just makes me wonder if you're going to complain about ME to the next girl you meet!! Lol. I am talking to other guys already. I just hate being rejected. It sucks. Lol. Edited July 15, 2014 by SpiralOut
Seraque Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I don't think you should take this personally. Sounds like he isn't mentally in the right place, since he's already expressed all these things before you even met. If I heard that I would certainly question if he's preoccupied with a bad experience he had prior to you. In his head he's probably trying to meet someone else that will wow him and take him back to a place/feeling he's trying to recreate, but he isn't even open to it. Ok, just guessing. 5
todreaminblue Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 to me a spark is an instant thing ....sparks don't necessarily stay alight unless you dump petrol on the spark then you have light..haha...ahem......its the nutty professor in me likes to play with bunsen burners...... the mutual slow burn is built from knowing someone, initially there has to be a spark to want to set this up......some common ground even or something doesnt need to be a physical attraction...just something where you look up and go hey ...whats your name...some people then look down and go yeah nothing there.....this sounds what liked happened with you...i hardly ever get that spark .....its why i dont date much there has to be something there for me to take it further than friendship....once i date though i commit to knowing the person because i felt something... online dating is a meat market pure and simple......easy pickings if that is what you after....never really been in to easy....or i woudl have dated a lot.....i get offers i decline.......prefer hard yards and length of time to connect as friends first properly...online seems false to me and i get bored very quickly with it....and pictures sent of penis in varying degrees of floppiness and hardness ...well they arent pretty...i prefer flowers and ocean shots..i once replied awwww so sweet and cute looks like a wrinkly pug puppy i once played with.....never heard from him again.......... i prefer to meet a person that i have known of.....or heard of or has come into my life through natural god given ways other than broadband internet because i think eventual partnership is special.......and i would rather a guy know me in person or get to know me that way......see all my flaws for real....if he doesnt contact you....he isnt worth your time and he probably has other fish to tend to....................deb 1
Andy_K Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I am 99% sure this guy isn't into me. It would just help me to hear it from someone else. He's not into me. . . is he. No, he isn't. He didn't attempt to kiss you at the end of the date, and hasn't replied to two messages you've sent since, let alone asked you out again. It's hard to imagine how he could be showing less interest. At best, at absolute best, the weird convo was a stalling tactic to keep you on the back burner while he pursues other options, with the possibility of using you as an ego boost if they fall through. 7
GildedLily Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 There's probably not enough of an attraction on his end to pursue you. Guys need a good amount of attraction to go the distance. Regardless of if you are attractive in the general sense, he isn't feeling it. Plenty of fish in the sea though!
Zippy2000 Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I agree with Todreaminblue. I now prefer to meet a parnter from more natural means. I ve dont internet dating on and off for you could say up to almsot a decade and boy do I have some stories to tell. The advice here is why are you asking us for a second opinion when the man you dated shows in his actions he isn`t that into you. If hew was "he`s make it happen" and if its that complicated now. How do you think things would be if you were dating him?
lisacolnett Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 No, he isn't. He hasn't replied to your messages you've sent. Probably I think he is not interested in replying to your messages. After your date was over he just gave you a hug and not a kiss, may be that was the first sign he showed of disinterest.
d0nnivain Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 He may just be hung up on OLD. I couldn't really wrap my head around it & I found the whole thing to be artificial. He may need to get to know a woman over time before he feels comfortable moving to a dating place. That's not a real option with OLD. The 1st meet is a date. the only thing I can think of is send him a message like: I'm going to be at XYZ bar on Friday with a few of my girlfriends. Grab a few buddies & drop by if you like. It would be fun to see you again. Then go there & see if he shows but don't worry about it if he doesn't. Absent expectations, you have less risk of getting hurt. 1
Author SpiralOut Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 Okay so he responded today. He told me that he is probably going to delete his profile because online dating is too weird. He then told me that I can message him whenever I like. I told him I can't really message him if he's deleting his profile, but thank you for responding to the message. I thanked him for being honest with me. Then I said, "take care." That was my way of saying goodbye. I wasn't expecting a response to that. I had pretty much let it go. Then he actually responded to it with his phone number? WTF? I am confused. I haven't responded.
JungleLover Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Maybe he is just burnt our on dating in general. I know that feeling. You just get like "oh, what the hell..."
gaius Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 You've turned into one of those girls guys keep around just for the ego stroke. =/ 2
Author SpiralOut Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 You've turned into one of those girls guys keep around just for the ego stroke. =/ Well that's reassuring. 1
Author SpiralOut Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 I really don't like the way that he gave me his number as if he were doing me a favour or something. He should do that because he wants to hear from me, that's it. I don't like being insulted like this. I'm NOT calling him!!! 2
Elle1975 Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I really don't like the way that he gave me his number as if he were doing me a favour or something. He should do that because he wants to hear from me, that's it. I don't like being insulted like this. I'm NOT calling him!!! Does he have your number?
Author SpiralOut Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 Does he have your number? Yes he does and he hasn't texted or called me. So he's obviously not interested. I think he's just stringing me along and acting weird. 1
Elle1975 Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Yes he does and he hasn't texted or called me. So he's obviously not interested. I think he's just stringing me along and acting weird. Since he has your number, he can call. You have made the effort to reach out already. Through your post, I get this weirdo vibe from this guy. 1
Author SpiralOut Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 I told him that it doesn't make sense for us to keep talking. He just said he's not interested in online dating. I told him that he already has my number and if he changes his mind he can text me. Then I said goodbye. There. Hopefully that leaves some of my dignity intact.
Grumpybutfun Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Who cares? He sounds like a negative whiner. Do not go out with him if he contacts you.....ever...he is a drama queen. Guys like this play games and try to seek revenge for past perceived slights. They are a dime a dozen but think they are oh so special. He didn't reject you. He rejected the idea of you. He doesn't even know you because he is marinating in his self delusional negative angst. Next.... Grumps 10
jay1983 Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I just hate being rejected. It sucks. Lol. Welcome to the world men live in. 2
guest569 Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Definitely getting wierdo vibes from your original post about him. Don't even take it as a rejection, just that he is going to stay there marinating whilst you go and find the porterhouse that you deserve. Sorry it's past my meal time and that marinate quote is making me hungry.
starla33 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Online dates usually go this way. Seriously I NEVER have a spark on a first date, but if the person is decent and we get along I give it a 2nd and maybe 3rd date, by this time I can usually know if I want to date them or not. Guys on the other hand don't seem to think this way around these parts and want instant chemistry, if that is not there they peace out and keep going on round and round on the online dating carousel wondering why they never meet the right one. SHMEH 1
pteromom Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I told him that it doesn't make sense for us to keep talking. He just said he's not interested in online dating. I told him that he already has my number and if he changes his mind he can text me. Then I said goodbye. There. Hopefully that leaves some of my dignity intact. Glad you said goodbye. He's not in the right head space to be dating at all. This has nothing to do with you, and honestly rather than waiting to see if a guy is into YOU or not, you need to be a chooser too. Figure out if YOU are into HIM. Is this a guy you would want to date? He doesn't contact you. He communicates in a weird vague way that you don't understand. He leaves you feeling confused and wondering what is going on. He isn't confident enough to actually take your number and use it. He's negative and whiny. Make a list of attributes of the guy you want to date. A good starting list: - Makes an effort to see and contact me. - I feel good after I spend time with him or talk to him. - He is respectful and kind to me. - He is open and seems ready for the kind of relationship I want. - He makes me smile. - He doesn't play games. - We seem to "get" each other. Communication is easy and natural. Feel free to add to it. And if a guy doesn't check all the boxes, then NEXT. At that point, who cares if he is into you or not? You deserve more than anyone who will take you. 2
somedude81 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 SpiralOut, would you be putting in this much effort if he wasn't "super attractive?"
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