Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 Odds are she's probably banging a lot of dudes. Doesn't mean it's impossible a relationship might develop. If that doesn't bother you and you want it. Give it a shot if it's something you want. That's what I'm worried about. I know I'm probably not special enough for her to specifically decided I'm one of the few dudes that she's going to do it with. On the other hand I really like her a lot.
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 The thing is that this girl doesn't act slutty. She's funny, sweet, intelligent... We talked for HOURS. She didn't just want to get busy and move onto the next dude. That wasn't the vibe I got from her. I can really see us together. But I'm worried I might blow it.
Noproblem Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 You had fun with her, she was perfect in every other way you drunk and you two had sex and now you are having second thoughts? First of all, you are not really together, she is not forcing you to marry her. or anything. secondly, you could end up together and enjoy each other without these doubts and fear. It's a chance for your to know her well, and if she is large, so are you! You can both work out together and have an ideal body.. In any case, hopefully you will text her saying you enjoyed the night together, so you don't leave her tormenting herself and feeling sad, even if you don't want to see her again, just do that for the sake of thank you for the sex kinda of thing..
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 Well not second thoughts exactly... just concerns. I already messaged her and told her I thought she is amazing and I really had a great time. I want to set up another date but don't want to seem desperate... You had fun with her, she was perfect in every other way you drunk and you two had sex and now you are having second thoughts? First of all, you are not really together, she is not forcing you to marry her. or anything. secondly, you could end up together and enjoy each other without these doubts and fear. It's a chance for your to know her well, and if she is large, so are you! You can both work out together and have an ideal body.. In any case, hopefully you will text her saying you enjoyed the night together, so you don't leave her tormenting herself and feeling sad, even if you don't want to see her again, just do that for the sake of thank you for the sex kinda of thing..
firmness Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Thanks for the reply Bro. It's not a hook up app... its a dating app. . Uh, That right there is your problem. Tinder is THE most notorious hookup app on the planet and you do not get that. That pretty much ends the story right there. Also - when you say "Thinks got out of hand" what were you expecting to happen? Something is wrong with your entire post. Too many odd things. Cannot put my finger on it, but something is amiss here. I wish you luck. You are in for rough ride my friend. There is no fixing this level of naivete. 2
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 What is naive? Stating an apps official purpose? Sure some people might use it as a hook up app but I wouldn't want to know those people. Or expecting that going for coffee means I will go to her place, have coffee and leave? And considering that is what I expected to happen I think things got out of hand? Why the hostility man? I don't understand Uh, That right there is your problem. Tinder is THE most notorious hookup app on the planet and you do not get that. That pretty much ends the story right there. Also - when you say "Thinks got out of hand" what were you expecting to happen? Something is wrong with your entire post. Too many odd things. Cannot put my finger on it, but something is amiss here. I wish you luck. You are in for rough ride my friend. There is no fixing this level of naivete.
Candy_Pants Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Dude, Lumo, you're one step closer to being your douche bag model boning friend with this thread. You also had sex on the first date. If that's "slutty" to you, fine. You two are sluts (according to you). I don't know where you picked up this mentality but it's bull**** and way more detrimental than you can realize at your age. And you're also chubby. Maybe she's on birth control for acne and it makes her retain weight. Maybe that's how she's built and she LIKES it. If you don't, oh well. Get a skinny blonde. Maybe she's used to dating better looking dudes.
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 Woo... I'm sorry... Ive offended you it seems I really wasn't trying to be negative or douchey. I actually really like her. I can see us being together. I have reservations sure, but I am quite taken with her. In fact I'm so nervous I'm not even sure what to text her next. Last correspondence was yesterday. Dude, Lumo, you're one step closer to being your douche bag model boning friend with this thread. You also had sex on the first date. If that's "slutty" to you, fine. You two are sluts (according to you). I don't know where you picked up this mentality but it's bull**** and way more detrimental than you can realize at your age. And you're also chubby. Maybe she's on birth control for acne and it makes her retain weight. Maybe that's how she's built and she LIKES it. If you don't, oh well. Get a skinny blonde. Maybe she's used to dating better looking dudes.
Diezel Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Holy overthinking. #1: Tinder is a hook-up app. You can call it a "dating app" if you want, but trust me, your first date pretty much proves that point on its own. #2: If you don't like the way she looks, why did you decide to go out with her? #3: Much less have sex with her? #4: Much less contemplate going out with her again? #5: I think you are trying so hard to get into an LTR that you will go into it with just anyone. #6: Calm down. Just ask her out again if you REALLY want to. How does someone go from "Not my type" to "I don't want to seem desperate" from 0 to 60? #7: Tinder is a hook-up app. Repeated for emphasis.
CarrieT Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 The thing is that this girl doesn't act slutty. She's funny, sweet, intelligent... We talked for HOURS. Guess what? Sweet, funny, intelligent girls LIKE SEX TOO! Why put a label like "slut" on someone because they like the same activity that you do? Are you a male slut? Puleeeze...... 2
CarrieT Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Yeah this again. For the most part all us guys ask is for a girl to not be slutty, but it seems like this is asking too much. Perhaps your definition of slutty and my definition of slutty are different. I think he just hates the idea that she's shared that experience with a million other guys too, because after all she did put out after just 1 date. A MILLION? Kinda exaggerating a bit, don't you think? For all the OP knows or doesn't know, he was her first - or her tenth - or her hundredth... Is slutty an attitude or an action? Is a guy who has bedded a hundred women a stud to be admired while a woman who has bedded a hundred men a whore?
RonaldS Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Oh I believe people use Tinder, I just don't believe anyone ever gets mutual matches on there. I've never gotten a single one. Are you kidding? I have hundreds and hundreds of matches. Hell, I had a layover in NYC the other day and matched with 8-9 girls in an hour. I would say, though, that Tinder isn't as much of a hook-up app as it once was. It's become a little more mainstream. More goodie-goodies jumping into the pool. 1
truth_seeker Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 My take from Tinder: Men: players (just want easy sex, no strings, tag as many girls they can) Women: damaged (divorced, kids, habitual liars)
PogoStick Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I refuse to ever date a girl who would find me attractive. I need someone with higher standards. 1
babycakees Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I thought Tinder was a hookup app? Am I right? If so, I guess it worked for you.
soyou Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I met and dated a guy from Tinder about a month ago. We had a very good and special chemistry. We had sex right on the first date and it was awesome. I liked him a lot. I think that he liked me a lot too. However, i sensed that he shared the same fear/concern as you that i had sex with him right on the first date, it means I must have been banging a lot of guys before him, which is true. But not with everyone i have that special connection and personality match like with him. He took his time for so long and finally admitted that he "thought of me very often and i'm always in his head" but then it was too late. I moved on already. So if you like her, then you like her. Grab the chance to get to know her. Who cares if she has slept with many guys before you. As long as she doesn't have a slutty attitude, she is good ;-)
PogoStick Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Soyou, I was with you all the way to the end...except I hope my girl has a slutty attitude. No shame.
jinjin113 Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 (edited) I just wanted to say that I met my current bf on okcupid. We slept together on our first date. We have been dating about 6 months now. He never expressed any concerns to me that me sleeping with him on the first date worried him. It might have and he may have just learned to get over it, but he never said anything about it to me. I agree with previous posters though -it's not right for someone to judge someone else for sleeping with them on the first date....both people did it so if one is slutty, then both are slutty. My situation is that I tried online dating for the first time in December and met my current bf at the end of January. Before December, I had not had sex in a little over a year (getting over a divorce). I had gone out on several dates from online dating (but hadn't slept with anyone), but I liked my current bf so much, we ended up sleeping together after our first date. I'm just saying that it actually is possible she doesn't do this all the time, that's all. Edited July 15, 2014 by jinjin113 1
umirano Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 "double standard noun : a set of principles that applies differently and usually more rigorously to one group of people or circumstances than to another; especially : a code of morals that applies more severe standards of sexual behavior to women than to men" Booohhooohooo Cry me a river. We can talk about double standards when the circumstances are actually equal. The double standard army walks through the world pretending when it comes to getting laid the same circumstances apply to both gender. Do you really think it's as hard for a girl to get laid as it is for a guy? Curiously this position does not fit with what every single one of my male friends/co-workers/acquaintances experiences nor with what I experience in life. Hell, I don't even know one woman personally who's ever seriously contested it. But sure, it's always a good opportunity to shell out some equality BS. All right, girls have higher numbers, and no, it's not immoral, and yes they're still human beings like everyone else, and of course men do stupid immoral things all the time. Yadayadayada. But please stop giving me this empowered / double standard / being more open / being more social crap. Having a high number as a girl is not a sign of people skills.It doesn't serve a higher purpose, it's a mere taking advantage of the numerical facts in human mating (more guys wanting to get laid at any given time than girls)It doesn't mean that the person is strong or other wise stands out as a special individual.
umirano Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Is a guy who has bedded a hundred women a stud to be admired while a woman who has bedded a hundred men a whore? Out of a random sample of a hundred guys and another random sample of a hundred girls, where will we find the mass of the distribution? A girl who has bedded 10, 25, 50 75 and 100 guys A guy who has bedded 10, 25, 50 75 and 100 guys From what personal experience, from what I hear from my friends and from what I read on LS I think I have a pretty good understanding of the distribution for guys: 10 ****** 25 *** 50 * 75 For girls, again based on personal experience, I'd say the distribution looks like this, with the center of mass upwards on the notch on the bedpost scale: 10 ** 25 **** 50 *** 75 * Does anyone disagree with this? Do you think the center of mass lie in the same area for both gender? What makes you think so? Does anyone disagree, that at least from posts on LS the center of mass is higher up the scale for girls than for guys?
jinjin113 Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 The body thing. My first bf was obsessed with looks and did look great himself. Eventually we broke up because I couldn't keep up to his standards. Then I met my second bf who "objectively" looks worse because he didn't have a six pack and stuff like that. However, much to my surprise, those things stopped bugging me after I got to know him better and my chemistry and sexual attraction to my second bf went way beyond the first. Honestly, at least for me personality itself can make someone very attractive and it's a stronger magnet for me than appearance. I fail to understand why people get so hung up over looks unless the other person is obese or anorexic. Another thing I want to point out is that this is the 3rd girl in a short period of time that you are falling heads over heels with and who is very "special." Can you teach me how to find all these special people? I've only been able to find two over the span of several years. I agree with the body thing. I'm pretty fit (5'5" 120 lbs) and have been described as skinny but with curves in the right places. I bring this up because my bf is on the skinny side for a guy and has a little bit of a gut. At the time I met him, he was by far not the most attractive guy I had gone on a date with through online dating, but I certainly felt something special about him beyond his looks. Don't get me wrong, I was definitely attracted to him (his face) from the beginning, but I'm just agreeing that you can become really sexually attracted to someone even if their body type is not usually your ideal. We ended up sleeping together on our first date because the chemistry was amazing. Now that we're dating, I really can't imagine being more sexually attracted to someone....despite his gut
Eivuwan Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Out of a random sample of a hundred guys and another random sample of a hundred girls, where will we find the mass of the distribution? A girl who has bedded 10, 25, 50 75 and 100 guysA guy who has bedded 10, 25, 50 75 and 100 guys From what personal experience, from what I hear from my friends and from what I read on LS I think I have a pretty good understanding of the distribution for guys: 10 ****** 25 *** 50 * 75 For girls, again based on personal experience, I'd say the distribution looks like this, with the center of mass upwards on the notch on the bedpost scale: 10 ** 25 **** 50 *** 75 * Does anyone disagree with this? Do you think the center of mass lie in the same area for both gender? What makes you think so? Does anyone disagree, that at least from posts on LS the center of mass is higher up the scale for girls than for guys? Who the hell knows. It would be a fun experiment though.
Miss Awesome Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 Booohhooohooo Cry me a river. We can talk about double standards when the circumstances are actually equal. The double standard army walks through the world pretending when it comes to getting laid the same circumstances apply to both gender. Do you really think it's as hard for a girl to get laid as it is for a guy? Curiously this position does not fit with what every single one of my male friends/co-workers/acquaintances experiences nor with what I experience in life. Hell, I don't even know one woman personally who's ever seriously contested it. But sure, it's always a good opportunity to shell out some equality BS. All right, girls have higher numbers, and no, it's not immoral, and yes they're still human beings like everyone else, and of course men do stupid immoral things all the time. Yadayadayada. But please stop giving me this empowered / double standard / being more open / being more social crap. Having a high number as a girl is not a sign of people skills.It doesn't serve a higher purpose, it's a mere taking advantage of the numerical facts in human mating (more guys wanting to get laid at any given time than girls)It doesn't mean that the person is strong or other wise stands out as a special individual. What are you talking about? This guy is chubby, yet he's debating whether or not he should accept this female because doesn't have what he considers an ideal body. This guy slept with her on the first date, yet he's put off by the fact that she slept with him on the first date. If there's ever a situation where double standards are at play, it's here. I repeat, what are you talking about? 1
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 Holy overthinking. #1: Tinder is a hook-up app. You can call it a "dating app" if you want, but trust me, your first date pretty much proves that point on its own. I'm just calling it what it officially is. Just because some people use wireshark illegally doesn't meat it isn't a legitimate networking tool. #2: If you don't like the way she looks, why did you decide to go out with her? She's pretty. Just chubby. It isn't a deal breaker. #3: Much less have sex with her? See above. #4: Much less contemplate going out with her again? The sex was indescribable. Way, way better than my ex. She was actually into it and not selfish at all... We even cuddled in between, and even THAT was awesome compared to the way my ex did it. Combine that with the way we git along so well during drinks and then dinner and yes, you better believe I want to see her again. #5: I think you are trying so hard to get into an LTR that you will go into it with just anyone. Not a fair statement at all. #6: Calm down. Just ask her out again if you REALLY want to. How does someone go from "Not my type" to "I don't want to seem desperate" from 0 to 60? She has pros and cons. I really am worried that she has sex with lots of guys. She is my 2nd... what if I'm her 20th? Would that really be special ?
Eivuwan Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 I'm just calling it what it officially is. Just because some people use wireshark illegally doesn't meat it isn't a legitimate networking tool. She's pretty. Just chubby. It isn't a deal breaker. See above. The sex was indescribable. Way, way better than my ex. She was actually into it and not selfish at all... We even cuddled in between, and even THAT was awesome compared to the way my ex did it. Combine that with the way we git along so well during drinks and then dinner and yes, you better believe I want to see her again. Not a fair statement at all. She has pros and cons. I really am worried that she has sex with lots of guys. She is my 2nd... what if I'm her 20th? Would that really be special ? Maybe she thinks you're a player for sleeping with her on the first date. Stop assuming the worse when you barely know each other.
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