Justanaverageguy Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 So you lied and found out she'd lied. Why is her lie worse than yours ??? You obviously manipulated her - was the drinking part of the set-up also? Be careful what you wish for... Mr. Lucky Yeah totally agree with the above. I honestly don't get what you are whining about ... ? You seem to have the biggest case of hypocrit-itis I have ever seen. You admitted at the same age that you were going out and making out with random chicks at bars. It obviously was not a very committed relationship on either side at the time. She was banging guys at parties and you were pulling other chicks in bars. You were both having your cake and eating it too. Now you seem to just be upset because she got a bigger slice of cake then you did. You have that rule for me and another rule for my partner going on. I know a lot of guys that have that. I'm allowed to have some fun .... but not my wife ... shes a good girl .... she's a "virtuous women" .... wtf is that ? The reality is she thought exactly the same way as you did. Is that really such a surprise ? She probably heard you were making chicks at bars and did it as pay back. Stop crying like a whiney little girl, put your big boy pants back on and deal with something that you BOTH did 20 years ago like a man.
d0nnivain Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 The real deal is that she has consistently lied to me for 20 years. She has used my ignorant past as guilt to keep me in line...all the while with me not knowing she had done something worse. All this time, I thought I had a virtuous woman on my hands. Not. She has used 10's of thousands of dollars of my family's money to advance her herself in her career---and waited until we had 4 children and the right moment to drop the bomb. Now we are living on a homestead that has been in my family for almost 100 years and refuses to leave. She plans on taking me to the cleaners if I file. No! She never wanted to tell you. You pushed & pushed & pushed & wouldn't shut up about it for 20 years. After you lied to her and told her that if she told you the truth, it would not have any ramifications, she reluctantly confessed an immature mistake that she did 20 years ago before you were married. You made this mess, not her. Granted if you had known then, you wouldn't have married her. But can't you pay attention to the woman she is now, the virtuous mother of your children & get past the mistake she made when she was young? Go back & think about your wedding vows: in good times and in bad; for better or worse. Sorry but this situation is about the negatives. But if you divorce, you are the one breaking those vows because you aren't sticking by her. Whatever she did, was before marriage & therefore outside of the promises you made. If you do think you want a divorce, talk to a lawyer. If she has a job & the home has been in your family for 100 years, she may not be able to take you to the cleaners But don't sit there & be sanctimonious. You were better off in blissful ignorance. You now understand the cliche that curiosity killed the cat. You are not blameless in all of this.
Chi townD Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 Go to marriage counseling. You need to talk this out. You both were kids and you were both in the wrong. BUT! You've created this life together and brought four kids into this world. TOGETHER! Go to counseling. Find one that specializes in infidelity for BOTH of you. 1
bigman1 Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 Oh, I agree with the above posters as well. How can you be so sanctimonious when you lied, tricked, and manipulated your wife into this disclosure? You actually took advantage of her belief in the security of your marriage to elicit these issues! You know, she might actually be better off without you. I mean I can't stand cheating spouses, but this is ridiculous."my middle aged wife was not the virtuous 19 year old woman that I thought" crap. Finally, I do actually understand some of your pain, to the extent that someone you know actually slept with your wife when she was younger. Still, you REALLY have to put this whole deal into perspective. I think that you have something else going on in your life that is making you unhappy and rather than deal with that, you are using this whole "my middle aged wife and mother of our children was not the virtuous 19 year old woman I thought" crap to vent. Find out what your real issue is. 1
Movingforward2 Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 Hey brother, Reading your scenario compared to other's stories on here, you should be grateful. Why are you insecure about some things that happened 20 years ago? It could be worse....she could be currently cheating on you, etc. Don't sweat the small stuff. You asked and she told you. Sorry to be so direct, but I agree with others....I think you should seek some personal help. What she did at that young of age, in my opinion, you shouldn't be real concerned with. Who cares? She told you the truth, you should probably accept her for it.
Lovemesomehim Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 You have every right to be upset. You went into the marriage, having the feeling that she was not being honest and you married her anyway. With that being said, that same faith that led you to the altar, should be the same faith, to get past this issue.
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