How to end a friends with benefits when you truly care about the other person?

[Bishop556]

So, on top of everything that has happened to me the last week, I just was dealt with this situation last night.

 

So, my friend and I have recently started developing a friendship. She just recently got out of a marriage and I was helping her cope. I never expected for this relationship to become sexual, but the energy was there and we became hot and wild. I laid boundaries initially that we would only be friends and that's it and she was okay with it, or so I thought. We had amazing sex, it was really fantastic, but the third time we ever had sex she was talking about how we were making love and actually told me that she loved me while we were going through intercourse. She told me she never wanted me to see that side yet, and that she was willing to wait until everything has died down even if it took years. Also, she told me she loved me from the first time she has set eyes on me which was about two months ago. i didn't know how to react in that moment. I assured her we would remain friends, as I do value her friendship, but there is nothing between us now.

 

First off, her husband mistreated her completely, but I know how it feels to see your ex move on quickly and I don't want to induce that pain to him. Second, I am twenty and she is in her early thirties, it would not work. Third, I am very uncomfortable with the fact that she loves me after only knowing me for two months.

 

Now, I feel terrible for breaking this woman's heart. She has been very kind to me, besides everything that has went on sexually, and I do truly value her as a person. I just will not be someone's rebound. It is a Catch 22, and it is completely my fault for inducing it, as someone will be hurt whether our FWB continues or not. In a more comical way, I learned a valuable lesson: stop thinking with your other head. It doesn't make very good decisions at times.

Edited July 15, 2014 by Bishop556

[irresolute]

I do think you did the right thing breaking up with her. she loves you. You love her not. you clearly stated its a catch 22.

You can never be friends with her because she actually has feelings for you. Let her grieve alone, she will be fine. do not give her false expectations or try to be "friendly". she might take it as you're interested.

 

I'm on the other side of the story. I'm he one in love and he doesn't love me but he'll never admit it. He just want to have me "just in case" and I cannot explain to you how much that hurts. I's have preferred he blocked me or stop replying to my messages instead so I could move on.

[daisydook]

Tell her all of these things. Tell her all of these things now. You are both adults. Age is just a number and I dont care if you were both 20, both 30, 20 and 73... Your age means nothing to me in this context. You are both consenting adults in this story.

 

This will not ruin her life. If her divorce and whatever she is going through and gone through hasnt killed her or destroyed her, you sure as hell won't. Please trust me. You aren't that special. I am sure you are badass and really awesome and wonderful. Don't get me wrong. She will get over it, is my point here. You are the now guy who happens to be really fun, cute and good in bed. Of course her feelings are all over the place because of what is going on in other parts of her life though.

 

Also, never trust naked people when they say words... out loud. Ever. Especially when you are having sex with them.

[redbaron005]

Tell her all of these things. Tell her all of these things now. You are both adults. Age is just a number and I dont care if you were both 20, both 30, 20 and 73... Your age means nothing to me in this context. You are both consenting adults in this story.

 

This will not ruin her life. If her divorce and whatever she is going through and gone through hasnt killed her or destroyed her, you sure as hell won't. Please trust me. You aren't that special. I am sure you are badass and really awesome and wonderful. Don't get me wrong. She will get over it, is my point here. You are the now guy who happens to be really fun, cute and good in bed. Of course her feelings are all over the place because of what is going on in other parts of her life though.

 

Also, never trust naked people when they say words... out loud. Ever. Especially when you are having sex with them.

 

Completely agree, you must tell it like it is. Haha also I'm not sure the don't trust people when their naked rule is universal, especially if they have a towel, but it is funny.

[darkmoon]

you "induced"? it takes two people and she could have said no, ppl do, but i bet her freinds are telling her to pick better men in future, she picks the wrong guys, sleeps with them too soon yada yada yada