dilemmaqueen Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I really need some advice! I went on a first date with a guy who I clicked with and found kind of attractive. I know it sounds cheesy, but I've never had such a great date and felt like he could be my soulmate! My dilemma is that he said he is a good guy but he has done something bad that he feels guilty about and will take to his grave. He said a few of his friends know about this and have stopped talking to him, but says what he did was not a criminal offence. I tried to get him to tell me what he had done, but felt like I had to respect his wishes so did not force him... He has been hurt in the past by an ex and I have a few friends in common with him who have all said he is a great guy. I don't want to walk away from him, at the same time I don't want to found out in the future what he has done totally goes against my morals and values. Should I respect him for being honest or run in the other direction?! What do I do?
Gaeta Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 What do you mean being honest? He was not honest with you at all. If he did not want to tell you what he did then why did he go tell you he's done something terrible? That is childish. If you are not ready to confess then don't go around saying you've sin. That would turn me off big time. I would tell him that now that he started it he better finish it or I am done. I am not going to live with a 'supposedly' terrible thing he did. 4
RyanBeynolds Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I feel like only you can decide. But, if you stick with him, this would kill you on the inside because you would just be dying to know. At least that's how I am... everyone is totally different! Considering he has told some of his friends, though, I feel like you could budge it out of him some time. Just depends on how much time you are willing to give. 1
WhiskeyJack Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 What do you mean being honest? He was not honest with you at all. If he did not want to tell you what he did then why did he go tell you he's done something terrible? That is childish. If you are not ready to confess then don't go around saying you've sin. That would turn me off big time. I would tell him that now that he started it he better finish it or I am done. I am not going to live with a 'supposedly' terrible thing he did. I 100% agree with this.
Author dilemmaqueen Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 I agree with you both. One of my friends has suggested he may have said it to test me or he may be afraid of getting hurt. It's freaking me out on one hand as I am thinking what he did could be extremely bad and on the other, I'm telling myself to be open minded. Confused.com is an understatement!
RyanBeynolds Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I agree with you both. One of my friends has suggested he may have said it to test me or he may be afraid of getting hurt. It's freaking me out on one hand as I am thinking what he did could be extremely bad and on the other, I'm telling myself to be open minded. Confused.com is an understatement! That would be a strange "test". I have a vivid imagination. And I can't think of anything that isn't a criminal offense that could be so terrible. I would tell you to ask more questions, but that would cause some drama. Maybe what he meant is he wasn't CONVICTED
Author dilemmaqueen Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 Right now, I actually feel scared to meet him as I am thinking all sorts! I'm assuming it is something serious if his friends stoped talking to him. I don't I have time for mind games. This guy is in his thirties so he isn't exactly a child...
RyanBeynolds Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Honestly, I have no idea what to tell you. But, if you are contemplating on dropping him, I would suggest at first attempting to get an answer.
d0nnivain Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 That's just plain odd. It would be a huge turn off to me because to me it made him seem immature & untrustworthy. If you are going to take something to your grave, you don't tell your friends. In fact, the phrase means you don't tell anyone. Clearly he already told somebody. If you aren't prepared to come all the way clean, why mention it at all? Really that is just a stupid thing to say & it would make me wonder what kind of judgment the guy has. It's not only that he did something but that he's trying to hide it by bragging out it, trying to get you to drag it out of him. 1
Zippy2000 Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 And his next line was "I ll tell you, but I ll have to kill you" lol:p
TXGuy Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Similar to others above... I would drop him because he is too dumb not to announce he has done something horrible that he will take the secret to the grave..and announced it on a first date. This guy has a screw loose and will be nothing but trouble and drama in the future. 1
Diezel Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 I would never, EVER bring up anything like that. If I really wanted to take that to the grave with me, the last thing I would do is even remotely mention anything similar to it. He's just creating drama and guess what, IT WORKED!
Gaeta Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Actually he could be playing your brain. He's telling you he's got this huge ugly secret, leaves you imagining all kinds of horrible things he may have done, then when he tells you what he did it doesn't appear SO terrible next to the things you've imagined.
Dallers Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Honestly this sounds like games to me. Any guy could do this and pretend there is a dark tale to his past to make himself sound mysterious. This is why you like him so much. He is probably full of s**t and tells this story to many girls. Be very cautious, some men are deceitful idiots and have to play games to make themselves appear interesting. From a guy. 1
Fondue Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 That must be one of the stupidest things to ever say on a date. Ever. You tease someone with that kind of information and then withhold it. Let alone saying that on a first date! Makes you wonder what goes on in someone's head to say that **** out loud to someone you just met. Move on. This guy has a few screws loose. 1
Author dilemmaqueen Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 And his next line was "I ll tell you, but I ll have to kill you" lol:p I'm still alive, someone up there must love me! Lol
Zippy2000 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I'm still alive, someone up there must love me! Lol Dodges a bullet there! Ha!
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