mirage12 Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Would love to hear your thoughts on a situation that has left me a little surprised/confused. The quick backstory - my ex and I broke up 8 months ago. The breakup wasn't a violent one and we are still friendly, but it hurt me quite a bit (much more than I think the ex actually knows.) I moved to a new city 4 after the breakup (back in March), and met someone new. We've been seeing each other for about 2 months now but only became "official" very recently and I like her a lot. I haven't communicated with my ex since I moved to the new city. This past weekend, I went back to my old city for a friend's wedding. I specifically asked multiple times before whether my ex was going to be there or not because I wanted to avoid whatever a run-in might bring. As I'm in town, my ex immediately starts texting me. I didn't even know the number because I'd deleted it and it was the first time we'd spoken in about 4 months. The day before the wedding I find out from my ex that one of my girl friends decided to invite her as a plus one, so she'll be there. The wedding run-in happened just as I feared it would - my ex was texting me during the ceremony, asking if I was there/where I was. I tried to ignore her but she was the first person I saw at the reception (of course.) She runs up to another friend and I and gives hugs, and we chat - civilly at first. I had had a few drinks and was not pleased with the run in. Long story short, I pick a fight with her and we end up both passive aggressively jabbing at each other until things get so heated that she storms off. I leave the wedding early to catch a flight home, and my ex and I talk briefly on the phone as I'm heading to the airport - I apologize for how things went down and things seem ok. I guess I'm a little confused/surprised that I would have such a reaction to even seeing the ex, even though I was worried about it. I don't think there's any chance my ex and I will ever get back together but I know I'm maybe not 100% over her. I do really like my new girlfriend but I'm confused by what happened at the wedding. Anyone had a similar situation happen to them?
Fondue Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 I don't think this isn't an issue of getting back together or thoughts of possible relationships in the future, I think it was just that "one last fight" kind of deal. Hear me out. After you guys went no contact, I'm sure you both were still bitter about a lot of things. Hell, maybe you still are. You both still probably steamed/mulled over things, and became angry. You finally met again and forced to communicate/acknowledge each other, and despite your best efforts to keep cool, both of your pressure cookers blew. It was probably subconscious, too. You didn't even know you wanted to bite at each other once more. Your brains just wanted it. THat make sense? 1
Simon Phoenix Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Yeah, I don't think this has anything to do with your new relationship either or indicates any real feelings of anything. There was underlying bitterness that you hadn't worked past that bubbled to the surface thanks to alcohol and it just came out. I wouldn't make more of this than that. If anything, use it to completely bury the ex and give the new girl a chance. First time I saw my ex after the break it was pretty bitter, especially from her end. A lot of coldness and snide comments from her, though occasionally a glimmer of her old self would shine through when she thought I wasn't paying attention. I was able to hold off on engaging her in a pissing contest, though there were a couple times where it was close.
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