MrIdontKnow Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 My girlfriend and I of 5 years broke up 3 months ago, we still live together in separate rooms and get on very well, and spend most weekends together with our son doing activities he likes, she broke up with me, I was a selfish boyfriend and never made her feel special, i also took her generosity and kind nature for granted and became a lazy lover both in the bedroom and around the house, it came as a reel shock to me when she told me she did`nt love me anymore, I have dealt with it as best I can, over the last 2 months we just carried on living together but we never spoke of it, this weekend we had a few drinks together and we spoke and she explained how she had fell out of love with me, all my fault and she was right, I had found it hard to tell my family but decided it was time and let them know this weekend, I also changed our Facebook relationship status to single, when she came home I told her that I had eventually told my family of our break up and changed our Facebook relationship status, we had a little chat and i said it was good to talk about over a few drinks and it was a good weight of my chest to tell my family, then she said "it`s not set in stone", now I have really changed my ways but this is a positive sign of a chance right? or was it just of the cuff talk
flight E Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Her saying it's not set in stone is due to how you are acting. Taking the breakup well and respecting yourself not begging her back. Continue this and she may find her way back to u 1
irresolute Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Her saying it's not set in stone is due to how you are acting. Taking the breakup well and respecting yourself not begging her back. Continue this and she may find her way back to u completely agree with flight E. Keep on moving.
Author MrIdontKnow Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 Hopefully they are positive signs, but I know that falling in love with me again may be a task too far, should I start trying to be more forward, leaving flowers or the odd gift or just leave her with the space I have been giving and let more time take its toll
Chi townD Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Well, in your situation, you can do the 180. It's usually used when you know a partner is cheating on you. But, you can pick and choose what you think will work for your current situation. Here's the list: Don't pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore. No frequent phone calls. Don't point out "good points" in marriage. Don't follow her/him around the house. Don't encourage or initiate discussion about the future. Don't ask for help from the family members of your WS. Don't ask for reassurances. Don't buy or give gifts. Don't schedule dates together. Don't keep saying, "I Love You!" Because if you have a brain in your head, he/she is at this particular moment, not very loveable. Do more then act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life! Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy! When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don't push any issue? No matter how much you want to! If you're in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested. Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that "they (the WS)" are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack thee of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life? with out them! Don't be nasty, angry or even cold - Just pull yourself back. Don't always be so available? for anything! Your spouse will notice. More important, he/she will notice that you're missing. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment? Make yourself be someone they would want to be around. Not a moody, needy, pathetic individual but a self assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value. All questions about the marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may not be for quite a while). Initiate no such conversation! Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control? YOURSELF! Don't be overly enthusiastic. Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all! Be patient and learn to not only listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you? HEAR what it is that they are saying! Listen and then listen some more! Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything. Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil. Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly. Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It's not always about you! More to the point, at present they just don't care! Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It "ain't over till it's over!" Do not backslide from your hard earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message. When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don't work out with the OM/OW." One of two things are going to happen. She might want to come back to you because you seem to have your life together and you're fun to be around and she wants to be a part of that. Or The 180 will help you detach from the relationship. So, if she still want to end it, you've already started to pull away. So, it won't hurt as much. 3
flight E Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Chitown that should be a creed 4 men in relationships. Infact it should be taught to all men compulsorily. Gud work bud
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