FortunateSon Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 So...I have been dating a girl I am very interested in the last couple weeks, we connected via OLD but had known each other as acquaintances since we were adolescents. We have been on 3 dates that by all accounts went very well(great conversation, humor, similar values, touching, kissing). Right after the 4th of July I took down my OLD profile down to give this a chance and noticed she did as well shortly after. Today, as I still get daily emails from the OLD site showed me she unhid her profile? She also mentioned last week she was going out with someone who she said contacted her before we were in contact. While we are certainly not exclusive, I am not sure what to think of this? We have a date planes for the weekend? Do mention it? Say nothing?
TXGuy Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Say nothing. She was up front with you about dating other guys. That is a level of honesty one does not often see. It's up to you whether you want to remain in a one sided exclusive relationship with her. There is nothing wrong with that, if that is what you decide. 2
deathandtaxes Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Don't mention it. Enjoy seeing her. If you want something more with her that would necessitate her not seeing other people and taking down her profile, you need to talk to her. The 'exclusivity' talk, as it were. Otherwise, be a confident guy and chill. 2
mammasita Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Don't say anything. So what if up you took your profile down. Did you discuss this with her and mutually decide that you would both do this? You can't just assume that she will or did because you did. Not to mention she was honest about dating others......
Author FortunateSon Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 Thanks to all for the input. I guess I was just a bit surprised as I thought things were going quite well, I guess I saw her profile being up as not seeing things the same way. I appreciated her honesty and look forward to seeing her again, but in the back of my mind it will feel slightly tainted as I know she is looking elsewhere.
Author FortunateSon Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 Would it send the wrong message if I put mine back up? I don't want to wait around if I know that she is still looking?
hasaquestion Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Would it send the wrong message if I put mine back up? I don't want to wait around if I know that she is still looking? I don't think so at all. Put yours back up, then take her out again and show her what she's got to lose. 2
Author FortunateSon Posted July 17, 2014 Author Posted July 17, 2014 So she cancelled our Saturday night date, citing she is going to have her kids, but said she is interested in rescheduling? Do I tell her the ball is in her court? Ask her what her thoughts are on everything?
Diezel Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Did she give you a specific counter-offer? Also, put your profile back up. 1
Author FortunateSon Posted July 17, 2014 Author Posted July 17, 2014 My profile has been back up the last couple days, she offered brunch on Sunday, her treat at a very nice establishment as she felt bad that it has been hard to meet up this week...
Diezel Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 Then take the offer if you want and you can gauge better there. At least she gave you something concrete. If she cancels again, nix her. 1
TXGuy Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 She is dating others and cancelled a prime time (sat night) date with you and offered (non prime) Sunday brunch. You can go if you like. Why not. Just don't take this one too seriously. She isn't. 4
smackie9 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I agree with the above post. The way I guage things, if they are still dating others after you have been out for 2 or 3 dates then there isn't any serious interest....obviously she is keeping her options open. IMO don't waste your time. 1
Author FortunateSon Posted July 17, 2014 Author Posted July 17, 2014 Thanks for everyone's feedback. For some reason I wasn't surprised when she canceled Saturday night. I plan to go to brunch as I don't have anything lined up for Sunday morning, but I agree that she doesn't seem too serious. There seems to be some red flags with her which is disappointing because she is/was my best prospect at the moment...
smackie9 Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 There are people who date one at a time and there are those who date multiples. Sounds to me she is really attractive and would take advantage of having many suitors.
PerfectStorm Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 I think that women too date and/or talk to more than one man at a time until a discussion has been had. Men just may not be aware of it. Or at least that's me. The way I view it is, until an agreement has been reached about exclusivity I assume you're seeing and/or speaking to other women as well. I don't have a sexual relationship with more than one man but that doesn't mean that there aren't others in my life. When I am dating and not in a relationship, there is usually one man that is priortity. If we reached a point of familiarity and I see it going somewhere a sexual relationship commences but usually I've still got one or two other irons in the fire those are not sexual relationships. Until he tells me that he wishes to not see anyone else and that I'm his, I continue to have other men in my life. But once the "talk" has been had any others are cut out, even just on friends bases. I don't even keep exes as fb friends once in a new relationship. This sounds kind of bad, now that I put it out there. Haha. Maybe I think like a man. 1
smackie9 Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 There is nothing with keeping your options open. Anytime I agree with this I usually get bashed from women because they think it's wrong. They expect they same from a man that they aren't juggling other dates in the same week. No one should ever "assume" but rather just mention or even ask "are you dating other people". No one ever has to answer that but if it's important to know step up and express your intentions or expectations. Too many people assume they are exclusive even tho there has been no talk of it, hence this thread and many on other sites I post on.
Author FortunateSon Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 Thank to all who provided input on this, I appreciate it very much. I plan to confidently meet her for brunch on Sunday and have a great time. While she is certainly attractive and likely has other options, the same can be said for myself. I will ask her where her head is at with everything which should give me some clarity on the situation and allow me to see if it is right to continue to pursue dating her or not. Stay tuned...
Author FortunateSon Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 Brunch date went well today. I brought up some of my thoughts in a light hearted way and she responded favorably stating she did not want to rush into anything because she made serious mistakes in the past by doing so. She also said she very much liked what we have going and would like to continue seeing each other. She has been very upfront with me whenever I have asked her anything so I feel I have no reason not to trust her? We plan to see each other this week. Any thoughts? Keep going and taking it as it comes?
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