eyey Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Hello everyone, I've been having a crazy emotional roller coaster last few months just like everybody on this stie, and hoping that someone can give me an advise on what I should do next. About 2months ago, my gf of 3years wanted to break up with me. I tried to work things out for about a week, and of course that didn't work. I actually tried to move on from that point, but i couldn't. However I did 30days of NC regardless and surprisingly she texted me saying "sorry to do this but i've been missing you" after 30some days of NC. I thought about not textig back, but we started to text each other since then. The texting phase went on for about few weeks, and last week, i asked her if she wanted to grab a drink to catch up. She hesitated first but agreed to meet up. We had really great time that night, and she ended up staying over my house. And this last week, we spent time together pretty much every day. We discussed about our relationship and communicated a lot, but she thought things are moving too fast, and she could not wrap her head around it. Though she was really happy to see the change in me, she wasn't sure if the change was just a temporary thing or I actually have been changed for good. This morning she was saying her mind was going crazy, and she can't even talk about the relationship any more and said she needs time. I wasn't really pushing too much or being needy, but I always suggested not to cut off all the contact. But now she's saying she needs time to figure out what she wants and 2months we had was not long enough to heal the wound, I might have no option but go NC all the way again? I just know that she loves me but she's just too scared to go back into the relationship again with me. and she was saying during those 2 months she missed me so much and things we do together, and she realized she took things for granted when we were in relationship. I do love this girl no matter what. I just hope that I didn't destroy the chance of getting back together by spending so much time together too quickly this last week. I knew it wasn't a good idea, but we just couldn't help it. I perosnally feel that we need to keep communicating and work together to build stronger foundation if we were to get back together, but NC seems to be a popluar choice on this site.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 NC is a popular choice because it is the best choice. It takes two people to evolve and grow before a reconciliation is on the table, and she's right -- two months is not enough time. She doesn't seem to have evolved or grown at all, and while you've taken steps, she's right to be somewhat skeptical of them. Reconciliation is a two-way street. You can want to communicate all day, but if she's not feeling it, it's not going to go your way. And her missing you (which is completely normal) does not equal that she wants to get back with you. She wanted comfort, she threw out a breadcrumb, you bit like a motherf--ker, you gave her way too much access to you, she got her fix, now she wants to back off again. And if you keep sucking around and chomping at every piece of bait she throws out, this situation is going to repeat itself time and time again. If you are looking for a piece of ass, then your approach works just fine. Get together, grab some laughs, some ex-sex, maybe a cuddle, then take time off, rinse, repeat. But if you want to actually re-form a relationship with this person, then you need to take the breakup seriously and actually be out of contact. 2
Author eyey Posted July 15, 2014 Author Posted July 15, 2014 NC is a popular choice because it is the best choice. It takes two people to evolve and grow before a reconciliation is on the table, and she's right -- two months is not enough time. She doesn't seem to have evolved or grown at all, and while you've taken steps, she's right to be somewhat skeptical of them. Reconciliation is a two-way street. You can want to communicate all day, but if she's not feeling it, it's not going to go your way. And her missing you (which is completely normal) does not equal that she wants to get back with you. She wanted comfort, she threw out a breadcrumb, you bit like a motherf--ker, you gave her way too much access to you, she got her fix, now she wants to back off again. And if you keep sucking around and chomping at every piece of bait she throws out, this situation is going to repeat itself time and time again. If you are looking for a piece of ass, then your approach works just fine. Get together, grab some laughs, some ex-sex, maybe a cuddle, then take time off, rinse, repeat. But if you want to actually re-form a relationship with this person, then you need to take the breakup seriously and actually be out of contact. Thanks for your response. And I agree with most of the points you made. But if you wanted to show / communicate you have changed to your ex, how would you do that during NC??
Simon Phoenix Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 Thanks for your response. And I agree with most of the points you made. But if you wanted to show / communicate you have changed to your ex, how would you do that during NC?? You don't. It's not up to you to show them, it's up for them to look on their own. Any sort of changes you've made will register more if they discover them on their own instead of you jumping up and down saying "look at me, I've changed!" 2
aisuru Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 With enough no contact you'll realize you deserve more.
Author eyey Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 So last night, she emailed me just talking about casual things and asking how my week's been. I haven't emailed her back, since 10mins prior to the email I decided to go NC. But of course my weak as* is thinking to respond back. WTH does she want? She told me when we talked, she needs time to get healed and think about this. She's the one not sure about what she wants and cried because she doesnt know what she wants. So why she keeps reaching out to me?
BC1980 Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 So last night, she emailed me just talking about casual things and asking how my week's been. I haven't emailed her back, since 10mins prior to the email I decided to go NC. But of course my weak as* is thinking to respond back. WTH does she want? She told me when we talked, she needs time to get healed and think about this. She's the one not sure about what she wants and cried because she doesnt know what she wants. So why she keeps reaching out to me? I think she does miss you, and she's reaching for something familiar. The problem is that her actions only hurt you, and you have to prioritize yourself. She doesn't get to be confused and then use you for company. It's not fair, but she will do it if you allow it.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 16, 2014 Posted July 16, 2014 So last night, she emailed me just talking about casual things and asking how my week's been. I haven't emailed her back, since 10mins prior to the email I decided to go NC. But of course my weak as* is thinking to respond back. WTH does she want? She told me when we talked, she needs time to get healed and think about this. She's the one not sure about what she wants and cried because she doesnt know what she wants. So why she keeps reaching out to me? She's using you to get over you. It's one of the first plays in the dumper playbook. Don't respond -- if she doesn't want a romantic relationship with you, she doesn't get the benefit of your support. She wanted you gone, so be gone. 1
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