Hard time adjusting to new way of feeling

[Red123]

I'm curious how many others post A are having or had a hard time adjusting to the new ways of thinking and feeling, whether in R or if you have left your WS. I am still struggling with no longer feeling safe with my H after his A. He is doing the work to rebuild trust but I am not there yet. In other ways I am moving forward but in this area it's a slow go. Does anyone else want to share how they are adjusting to the ways of thinking and feeling in their lives? Thanks

[gettingstronger]

Hi friend!

 

I am 18 months past dday and yes, it is difficult to get feeling OK about the "new me". There is a big of a cloud that hangs over me no matter what-even in my best of times, its there-its not really depression just a little bit of grey that sits in the back of my head-

 

I have lots of positive changes- got totally addicted to yoga/pilates- my husband and I have taken up cooking together and its a blast-but even on those nights when we are laughing and smiling and cooking, its there-

 

I am unsure if this feeling is causing you to second guess reconciliation or not- I know about the one year mark it did for me-but I realized that the feeling would be there no matter what- leaving wouldn't heal my scars so I have continued with R-

 

Its a long, tough, totally unfair road but its the path our spouses put us on with their selfish behaviors-

 

Sorry to be a downer-just responding honestly to your question-

[snappytomcat]

hi red

yes at fisrt it was really hard,especially since I was never a jealous person,my self estemm was very good,but after I was really jealous,even if he was just talking to the waitress,ugh I hated myself,cause this wasn't me at all,finally though im feeling myself again.

I had to just let go of the past,i wont ever forget it,but I couldn't keep dwelling on it either,it wasn't doing anyone any good,even my pets knew I wasn't myself

I pray for continue healing for you,and you will get there eventually,cause I never thought I would

[Red123]

Hi friend!

 

I am 18 months past dday and yes, it is difficult to get feeling OK about the "new me". There is a big of a cloud that hangs over me no matter what-even in my best of times, its there-its not really depression just a little bit of grey that sits in the back of my head-

 

I have lots of positive changes- got totally addicted to yoga/pilates- my husband and I have taken up cooking together and its a blast-but even on those nights when we are laughing and smiling and cooking, its there-

 

I am unsure if this feeling is causing you to second guess reconciliation or not- I know about the one year mark it did for me-but I realized that the feeling would be there no matter what- leaving wouldn't heal my scars so I have continued with R-

 

Its a long, tough, totally unfair road but its the path our spouses put us on with their selfish behaviors-

 

Sorry to be a downer-just responding honestly to your question-

 

I don't think your a downer, reality is reality. Thanks for your response. I too have that cloud everyday. It's like we are having a great time and I am enjoying being with him, then my mind reminds me, don't forget what he's done. It really sucks. I won't say that I am reconsidering R, it's more like I still fear that the cloud will never go away and I will always feel unsafe. Day by day I guess.

[Red123]

hi red

yes at fisrt it was really hard,especially since I was never a jealous person,my self estemm was very good,but after I was really jealous,even if he was just talking to the waitress,ugh I hated myself,cause this wasn't me at all,finally though im feeling myself again.

I had to just let go of the past,i wont ever forget it,but I couldn't keep dwelling on it either,it wasn't doing anyone any good,even my pets knew I wasn't myself

I pray for continue healing for you,and you will get there eventually,cause I never thought I would

 

Thanks. Your words of encouragement and how far you've come are good for hope for those of us wanting to make it through.

[jnel921]

What you are feeling is normal. Over time you begin to appreciate what your H is doing and slowly the walls come down. You will feel safe again.

 

We are 19 months out after DDay and I am in love again. Took some time but I got there.

 

If you both are committed to making this work and doing the work, it will all be ok.

 

Good luck to you...

[Red123]

Thanks. Fingers crossed I get where you are. Working on it:)